Well, the new year has arrived and it feels much the same as yesterday. It's always seemed funny to me that people can put such stock in the flip of a page on a calendar.
I understand the concept of new beginnings and such. I think the motivation behind those thoughts are admirable. But the facts are they are only thoughts. Many people never get past the romanticism long enough to get into some real actions.
For me, I tend to look at such events as new years, anniversaries and birthdays, just as another measure of time. Since I'm the type of person who seems to lose track of time (not the same as loosing time lol) it's good for me to have a frame of reference that a week or a month has gone by.
Otherwise time just seems to race by and I haven't a clue how much has really passed. That can cause problems with actually getting some things done. I do ok with the day to day stuff but bigger projects can get pushed right up to the wire or missed altogether.
Having particular dates to remind me, helps to but that passage of time into a more accurate perspective. It can help me so I don't miss important deadlines or push a project right up to the last minute because I lost track of time.
To help me with the things I would like to accomplish this year, I have to work at putting them into some kind of chronological reference. Knowing what obstacles I might need to overcome will also help decide what kind of steps I take in this journey and how timing should be employed.
For example, before I can get going on my book, I have to dig out the boxes that have all of my journals, artwork and notes in them. That in and off itself is going to be a big project that I have already started. What helps to keep me focused on that project is the fact it leads to being able to start the one I really want to get going.
Parts of me are dreading working on my book. Doing so is bound to bring up more memories and other painful stuff. But we've already decided that the timing for this is now. My mother died last Valentine's Day and we knew that would bring with it lots of junk. So instead of being afraid of it, we've embraced the opportunity to work this through for once and for all.
So for me, New Year's Day reminds me that Valentine's Day will not be far behind. Since that will be the one year anniversary of our mother's death, we can think of no more perfect way to celebrate than to bring those old boxes out into the open and be ready to work on our book.
Working on this blog has been another way to deal with my mother's death. It's given me the opportunity to start out slowly in reopening these old wounds of mine and to get myself acclimated to processing this kind of work again.
I think the work I have done on the blog thus far has gotten me to that place where I am ready to tackle the book. Daily posting here will keep me focused on my goal and bring me some support when I need it.
I'm really looking forward to putting my mother into her final perspective with my system. I'll be finishing off whatever illusions might be left and tying up lots of loose end and hopefully, I'll be contributing a helpful reference for victims of ritual abuse and satanism.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did
Showing posts with label Ritualistic Abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ritualistic Abuse. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Questions from NVRider on Cycles of Abuse
In the comment What to Do About Mothers? NVRider said... I have a question about mothers and families that has been rattling around in my head for a while, I hope it's okay to ask.
Maybe it's more about cycles of abuse. I understand that most abusers have been abused themselves in the past. And in the case of ritual abuse, many(all?) parents have been abused/indoctrinated/programmed as children themselves.
I am not sure if there are statistics on abusers being abused as children but I suppose it would be fair to say that many have. As for ritual abuse, some forms of that have been generational while others have not.
My guess is that the split off cult from the Mormon church led by Warren Jeffs that have been in the news for multiple wives and child brides would fall into that category of generational ritualistic abuse. While the Jonestown Massacre many years ago where most killed themselves would certainly classify as ritualistic abuse. That group killed themselves off before they ever got the longevity to be generational in nature. However, my guess is that many of those participants came from families with other forms of abuse.
Certainly in the case of satanism there are families that have been involved with the cult for generations. However, that is not a given for all participants. There are many many victims with no links to older generations. It's probably much more likely victims of incest come from families where the abuse has gone on for generations.
The family rules that set a child up to be molested have a good deal to do with who is and isn't victimized as a child. A victim may get free of a situation but without help to identify why and how it happened and to make big changes in their values and lives can lead to having their children victimized as well. Even though that may be the last thing that victim would ever want, seeing the world by those old family rules leaves an individual lacking in the skills to protect their children and their children lacking in the skills to stand up for themselves.
This would be a major contributor to that cycle of abuse that gets mentioned so often but rarely explained! Many victims think by speaking up that breaks the cycle, but it is only the first step in breaking that cycle. Sometimes it takes generations to make the changes necessary to protect children from abuse.
As I understand it, these questions have to do with the form of abuse that I suffered as a child, satanism. So I'm going to answer specifically to that abuse here.
Q: Why do some people break free, while some never do?
A: I think this is probably the $64,000 question. But my best guess is that is somehow has to do with hope. Despite all they have been through, they still hold onto the hope that things could be better or that all people aren't bad.
Q: What is it about the people that escape the programming and do not go on to abuse their own children that is different from the majority?
A: First off, I'm not sure that an escape from the programming is what is at play here. We are all different and we all perceive situations differently so there is some variance in how victims will react to programming. The systems of multiples being so different from one another, shows how different the perceptions can be. However, children in satanic cults are powerless to affect change in childhood. They have been tricked into believing that they are trapped. I've never heard of another victim who has escaped as a child.
As adults, I think that those who are trying to get free, have somehow been exposed to information that makes them believe that freedom might be possible. Without that exposure, they would never buck their programming.
I think professionals believe that some kind of crisis pushes victims into therapy. From there if the victim is fortunate enough to stumble across a therapist who has the skills to identify what is at the root of their problems, then the victim has the opportunity to challenge his/her programming.
Q: Is it something in the people themselves? Or a breakdown in the abuse programming process?
A: Again I"ll say I don't think that a breakdown in the abuse programming is responsible for victims seeking to get free or being successful in those attempts. Clearly, there must be something that happens that challenges the beliefs formed as children for the process to even begin,
Q: Why can some people separate themselves from the cycle of abuse, but others go on to torture their own children?
A: While this might be far out, I think this has to do with the instinct of mothers. I believe that regardless of their history there are mothers who still have managed to fiercely hold onto the instinct to protect their children. Those mothers may believe that they themselves deserve whatever treatment they are receiving but they refuse to believe the same thing of their children. Those mothers will fight everything, including their programming to protect their children.
Then there are those mothers who never had that instinct in the first place. Those mothers are probably sociopaths who have no empathy and no regard for anyone but themselves Their children have no value except in regards to how they can be used to make things better for the parent. There's no way such a parent would risk personal injury or even emotional pain for their child.
My guess is that there are mothers in between those two extremes. That would allow for the different degrees along the continuum from the mothers who abuse the kids themselves, to the ones who turn their children over for someone else to abuse them or those who don't see that their children are being abused.
How victims of satanism manage to get free of it's hold over them probably comes down to more luck than sense. Something gets the system functioning out of control whether it be from internal conflicts arising over the need to protect a child or a tv talk show they just happened to watch, who knows.
But from there finding the right therapist isn't an easy task. Many have been abused by the mental health system and yet some still struggle through to find help. Then surviving the deprogramming process in itself is a monumental task. Keep in mind that the cult will pull out all the stops to keep that person quiet! Yet some people do not give up. They keep on trying to get free.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did Jonestown Massacre Warren Jeff
Maybe it's more about cycles of abuse. I understand that most abusers have been abused themselves in the past. And in the case of ritual abuse, many(all?) parents have been abused/indoctrinated/programmed as children themselves.
I am not sure if there are statistics on abusers being abused as children but I suppose it would be fair to say that many have. As for ritual abuse, some forms of that have been generational while others have not.
My guess is that the split off cult from the Mormon church led by Warren Jeffs that have been in the news for multiple wives and child brides would fall into that category of generational ritualistic abuse. While the Jonestown Massacre many years ago where most killed themselves would certainly classify as ritualistic abuse. That group killed themselves off before they ever got the longevity to be generational in nature. However, my guess is that many of those participants came from families with other forms of abuse.
Certainly in the case of satanism there are families that have been involved with the cult for generations. However, that is not a given for all participants. There are many many victims with no links to older generations. It's probably much more likely victims of incest come from families where the abuse has gone on for generations.
The family rules that set a child up to be molested have a good deal to do with who is and isn't victimized as a child. A victim may get free of a situation but without help to identify why and how it happened and to make big changes in their values and lives can lead to having their children victimized as well. Even though that may be the last thing that victim would ever want, seeing the world by those old family rules leaves an individual lacking in the skills to protect their children and their children lacking in the skills to stand up for themselves.
This would be a major contributor to that cycle of abuse that gets mentioned so often but rarely explained! Many victims think by speaking up that breaks the cycle, but it is only the first step in breaking that cycle. Sometimes it takes generations to make the changes necessary to protect children from abuse.
As I understand it, these questions have to do with the form of abuse that I suffered as a child, satanism. So I'm going to answer specifically to that abuse here.
Q: Why do some people break free, while some never do?
A: I think this is probably the $64,000 question. But my best guess is that is somehow has to do with hope. Despite all they have been through, they still hold onto the hope that things could be better or that all people aren't bad.
Q: What is it about the people that escape the programming and do not go on to abuse their own children that is different from the majority?
A: First off, I'm not sure that an escape from the programming is what is at play here. We are all different and we all perceive situations differently so there is some variance in how victims will react to programming. The systems of multiples being so different from one another, shows how different the perceptions can be. However, children in satanic cults are powerless to affect change in childhood. They have been tricked into believing that they are trapped. I've never heard of another victim who has escaped as a child.
As adults, I think that those who are trying to get free, have somehow been exposed to information that makes them believe that freedom might be possible. Without that exposure, they would never buck their programming.
I think professionals believe that some kind of crisis pushes victims into therapy. From there if the victim is fortunate enough to stumble across a therapist who has the skills to identify what is at the root of their problems, then the victim has the opportunity to challenge his/her programming.
Q: Is it something in the people themselves? Or a breakdown in the abuse programming process?
A: Again I"ll say I don't think that a breakdown in the abuse programming is responsible for victims seeking to get free or being successful in those attempts. Clearly, there must be something that happens that challenges the beliefs formed as children for the process to even begin,
Q: Why can some people separate themselves from the cycle of abuse, but others go on to torture their own children?
A: While this might be far out, I think this has to do with the instinct of mothers. I believe that regardless of their history there are mothers who still have managed to fiercely hold onto the instinct to protect their children. Those mothers may believe that they themselves deserve whatever treatment they are receiving but they refuse to believe the same thing of their children. Those mothers will fight everything, including their programming to protect their children.
Then there are those mothers who never had that instinct in the first place. Those mothers are probably sociopaths who have no empathy and no regard for anyone but themselves Their children have no value except in regards to how they can be used to make things better for the parent. There's no way such a parent would risk personal injury or even emotional pain for their child.
My guess is that there are mothers in between those two extremes. That would allow for the different degrees along the continuum from the mothers who abuse the kids themselves, to the ones who turn their children over for someone else to abuse them or those who don't see that their children are being abused.
How victims of satanism manage to get free of it's hold over them probably comes down to more luck than sense. Something gets the system functioning out of control whether it be from internal conflicts arising over the need to protect a child or a tv talk show they just happened to watch, who knows.
But from there finding the right therapist isn't an easy task. Many have been abused by the mental health system and yet some still struggle through to find help. Then surviving the deprogramming process in itself is a monumental task. Keep in mind that the cult will pull out all the stops to keep that person quiet! Yet some people do not give up. They keep on trying to get free.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did Jonestown Massacre Warren Jeff
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Questions from Jumpinginpuddles
In the comments on the post More on Questions from Anonymous
jumpinginpuddles
asked a couple of different things. Both had to do with therapy and each question came from a different alter if I am guessing correctly.
jumpinginpuddles said "perhaps rising it might be a good idea to do a theme on healthy therapy versus not so healthy?"
There are a couple of ways that I can take this. A therapeutic relationship can be unhealthy. Also, a client's participation in therapy can be unhealthy. Either will compromise a person's progress.
There can be several reasons for unhealthy relationships with therapists. Not all therapists are qualified. Just because a person hangs out a shingle and says they are a therapist doesn't make them one. Some therapists who have the appropriate credentials are controlling and manipulative people. There is no way a therapist with that kind of behavior can help anyone. Controlling and manipulative behavior is the root of all mental illness from what I can tell. Therapy with such a person can only result in major problems.
Even the best of therapists can have issues. We all have issues. The relationship between a therapist and a client can be toxic if the therapist has not resolved issues similar to the client's. The client's issues can push the therapist's buttons and the resulting exchange can be not only non-productive but can actually cause damage.
A client's participation in therapy can be unhealthy if the client does not really want to be healed. If the client continues to look for ways to avoid changing, there is now way therapy can be productive. Also therapy can be unhealthy if the client isn't being honest. Therapy can not be successful if it's being built on deceit. The only way a therapist can help anyone is by being given the whole story. Withholding information and lying is not only non-productive, it can be destructive as well.
jumpinginpuddles said" i think healing can only work if you want it to, and that not every therapist can deal with every part really well. "
I certainly agree that therapy can only work if the client wants it too. I know! I took my teenage daughter to therapy when she was molested by her father. She did not participate in that therapy. She didn't want it and she only went because she had to . It did her absolutely no good. She is going to be forty this year and is still buried under the issues she chose not to resolve. It is a sad truth.
As for every therapist dealing with every part, I really feel for the therapists of multiples. Most multiples are so booby trapped, that the poor therapist is set-up before she/he ever even starts. There are bound to be personalities in there that take offense to the therapist because those personalities have been affected by their offenders. They have taken on the "rules" of their origin. Things they believe to be true and even they hold dear may be contrary to healthy relationships and healing.
Of course, the alters that take offense to the therapist aren't going to understand this. They're going to think it is the therapist's fault. When really the conflict is a result of those old rules that were affected by the offenders.
jumpinginpuddles said 'So what happens to those parts who don't get on with their T they don't ever get healing at all?'
If they would only give the therapist a chance they might find a way to work together. Therapists just need to know what they're up against. They need to know they are not trusted or liked and why. Only with that information do they have any chance at helping things along. They may have ideas to make things better, compromises or creative ways to resolve these issues.
Therapists have far more capacity for love and understanding than we multiples ever give them credit for. Part of the reason for that is we have never really been exposed to true unconditional love. We only understand strings and being manipulated. We tend to not trust what we do not understand. That is not the therapist's fault.
As an alter in a system where the therapy relationship is working for many alters, but not for us, we have a responsibility to give it an honest try. To talk to the therapist and see if we can find some common ground. Or talk through another alter at first and try things that way. BUT honesty must be employed.
In order for the system to heal, all parts must co-operate. There must be acceptance of all parts and the parts that have wounds must heal. I believe that alters who are uncomfortable with a system's therapist can work through those issues if they really try.
I know it will be hard. Therapy is hard. It is scary. Confrontation can be downright frightening BUT it is a necessary part of a healthy life. We have to learn to stand up for ourselves and speak our minds. Any good therapist knows this and supports this. An alter speaking up for herself/himself even in regards to the therapist will be appreciated by the therapist and the others in the system, I would hope.
I know that the therapist for jip's system is an expert in her field. I believe that she can handle anything your alters have to say. And I believe that she can do that in a caring manner because she really does care about all of the system.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
jumpinginpuddles
asked a couple of different things. Both had to do with therapy and each question came from a different alter if I am guessing correctly.
jumpinginpuddles said "perhaps rising it might be a good idea to do a theme on healthy therapy versus not so healthy?"
There are a couple of ways that I can take this. A therapeutic relationship can be unhealthy. Also, a client's participation in therapy can be unhealthy. Either will compromise a person's progress.
There can be several reasons for unhealthy relationships with therapists. Not all therapists are qualified. Just because a person hangs out a shingle and says they are a therapist doesn't make them one. Some therapists who have the appropriate credentials are controlling and manipulative people. There is no way a therapist with that kind of behavior can help anyone. Controlling and manipulative behavior is the root of all mental illness from what I can tell. Therapy with such a person can only result in major problems.
Even the best of therapists can have issues. We all have issues. The relationship between a therapist and a client can be toxic if the therapist has not resolved issues similar to the client's. The client's issues can push the therapist's buttons and the resulting exchange can be not only non-productive but can actually cause damage.
A client's participation in therapy can be unhealthy if the client does not really want to be healed. If the client continues to look for ways to avoid changing, there is now way therapy can be productive. Also therapy can be unhealthy if the client isn't being honest. Therapy can not be successful if it's being built on deceit. The only way a therapist can help anyone is by being given the whole story. Withholding information and lying is not only non-productive, it can be destructive as well.
jumpinginpuddles said" i think healing can only work if you want it to, and that not every therapist can deal with every part really well. "
I certainly agree that therapy can only work if the client wants it too. I know! I took my teenage daughter to therapy when she was molested by her father. She did not participate in that therapy. She didn't want it and she only went because she had to . It did her absolutely no good. She is going to be forty this year and is still buried under the issues she chose not to resolve. It is a sad truth.
As for every therapist dealing with every part, I really feel for the therapists of multiples. Most multiples are so booby trapped, that the poor therapist is set-up before she/he ever even starts. There are bound to be personalities in there that take offense to the therapist because those personalities have been affected by their offenders. They have taken on the "rules" of their origin. Things they believe to be true and even they hold dear may be contrary to healthy relationships and healing.
Of course, the alters that take offense to the therapist aren't going to understand this. They're going to think it is the therapist's fault. When really the conflict is a result of those old rules that were affected by the offenders.
jumpinginpuddles said 'So what happens to those parts who don't get on with their T they don't ever get healing at all?'
If they would only give the therapist a chance they might find a way to work together. Therapists just need to know what they're up against. They need to know they are not trusted or liked and why. Only with that information do they have any chance at helping things along. They may have ideas to make things better, compromises or creative ways to resolve these issues.
Therapists have far more capacity for love and understanding than we multiples ever give them credit for. Part of the reason for that is we have never really been exposed to true unconditional love. We only understand strings and being manipulated. We tend to not trust what we do not understand. That is not the therapist's fault.
As an alter in a system where the therapy relationship is working for many alters, but not for us, we have a responsibility to give it an honest try. To talk to the therapist and see if we can find some common ground. Or talk through another alter at first and try things that way. BUT honesty must be employed.
In order for the system to heal, all parts must co-operate. There must be acceptance of all parts and the parts that have wounds must heal. I believe that alters who are uncomfortable with a system's therapist can work through those issues if they really try.
I know it will be hard. Therapy is hard. It is scary. Confrontation can be downright frightening BUT it is a necessary part of a healthy life. We have to learn to stand up for ourselves and speak our minds. Any good therapist knows this and supports this. An alter speaking up for herself/himself even in regards to the therapist will be appreciated by the therapist and the others in the system, I would hope.
I know that the therapist for jip's system is an expert in her field. I believe that she can handle anything your alters have to say. And I believe that she can do that in a caring manner because she really does care about all of the system.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Questions from Khaless
Recently, Khaless asked me a question in the comments on I told her that I would Questions from an Alter of Another System answer in a post. Now that Thanksgiving is over, I figured I better get this taken care of before I forget.
Khaless's questions were in regard to me saying that I have lost parts of my system.
Q: Is there no way you can ever now connect to them?
I guess I wasn't specific enough in my terms when I mentioned that I had lost personalities within my system. These missing parts are not misplaced. They are dead. That is not meant in a "dead to me" type of terminology that people apply to family or others when they are upset with behavior. It is meant in the concept of the more final forms of death. They cease to exist.
Q: Or are they gone forever?
Yes, they are gone forever. There are no traces of them within my system. While I have knowledge of the memories they had shared, that is all that is left.
Any memories that were not shared throughout the system or any secrets they didn't disclose are gone forever. And as I said in the first post, there is a disconnect between the knowledge of those memories and the feelings that went with them. I have no emotional attachment to those memories at all.
The most difficult part about this is there are things about my children and they're growing up, that are part of the emotional connection I have lost. Things that are important to my kids that I have no memory of. How these parts functioned in my system that put them at risk, I do not know for sure, I can only guess. All I know is that I was told when they were dying and that they are gone.
Q: If so how / why?
Personalities died during the time when my therapy was turned on it's ear. I posted the particulars about that episode during the posts that began Lunch and a Movie
During my indoctrination by the cult my psyche had been manipulated to include both the psychological AND the physical tortures that I was forced to endure. I posted about this in In Lunch and a Move Part 2
During my childhood when this was happening my developing system found a way to wall this combined torture off protecting my personalities from its harmful effects. Even during the therapy process my system continued to function in this protective format. Feelings were allowed but there were definitely protective buffers that helped me to feel the physical pain without the emotional pain at the same time. My therapist personality directed the process so that the damage the cult had intended was not unleashed.
Once my process was disturbed, I was at the mercy of my "emotional " programming. Even though my therapist personality was able to keep memories in check until I could get to a safe place to process them, the barriers and buffers my system had provided between the pain and my personalities was obliterated leaving my entire system reliving the tortures in the manner the cult had intended.
From what I can tell, personalities that had been made to experience feelings in a superficial manner but that were protected against the onslaught the cult had intended me to suffer, were now exposed directly to the who ugly mess. They were unable to cope with the combined physical, emotional AND psychic pain. As we abreacted (relived) the tortures in therapy, those parts died in the process, despite my system's best attempts to protect them.
The dying that happened is one of the reasons that I have chosen not to integrate. We processed only enough to get us past the hold that cult had over us. Keeping us believing that we deserved all that had happened to us. Once we found the source of that belief and healed it, we stopped the process, unwilling to risk loosing anymore parts of our self.
To be continued..........
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Khaless's questions were in regard to me saying that I have lost parts of my system.
Q: Is there no way you can ever now connect to them?
I guess I wasn't specific enough in my terms when I mentioned that I had lost personalities within my system. These missing parts are not misplaced. They are dead. That is not meant in a "dead to me" type of terminology that people apply to family or others when they are upset with behavior. It is meant in the concept of the more final forms of death. They cease to exist.
Q: Or are they gone forever?
Yes, they are gone forever. There are no traces of them within my system. While I have knowledge of the memories they had shared, that is all that is left.
Any memories that were not shared throughout the system or any secrets they didn't disclose are gone forever. And as I said in the first post, there is a disconnect between the knowledge of those memories and the feelings that went with them. I have no emotional attachment to those memories at all.
The most difficult part about this is there are things about my children and they're growing up, that are part of the emotional connection I have lost. Things that are important to my kids that I have no memory of. How these parts functioned in my system that put them at risk, I do not know for sure, I can only guess. All I know is that I was told when they were dying and that they are gone.
Q: If so how / why?
Personalities died during the time when my therapy was turned on it's ear. I posted the particulars about that episode during the posts that began Lunch and a Movie
During my indoctrination by the cult my psyche had been manipulated to include both the psychological AND the physical tortures that I was forced to endure. I posted about this in In Lunch and a Move Part 2
During my childhood when this was happening my developing system found a way to wall this combined torture off protecting my personalities from its harmful effects. Even during the therapy process my system continued to function in this protective format. Feelings were allowed but there were definitely protective buffers that helped me to feel the physical pain without the emotional pain at the same time. My therapist personality directed the process so that the damage the cult had intended was not unleashed.
Once my process was disturbed, I was at the mercy of my "emotional " programming. Even though my therapist personality was able to keep memories in check until I could get to a safe place to process them, the barriers and buffers my system had provided between the pain and my personalities was obliterated leaving my entire system reliving the tortures in the manner the cult had intended.
From what I can tell, personalities that had been made to experience feelings in a superficial manner but that were protected against the onslaught the cult had intended me to suffer, were now exposed directly to the who ugly mess. They were unable to cope with the combined physical, emotional AND psychic pain. As we abreacted (relived) the tortures in therapy, those parts died in the process, despite my system's best attempts to protect them.
The dying that happened is one of the reasons that I have chosen not to integrate. We processed only enough to get us past the hold that cult had over us. Keeping us believing that we deserved all that had happened to us. Once we found the source of that belief and healed it, we stopped the process, unwilling to risk loosing anymore parts of our self.
To be continued..........
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
More Dialog with an Alter from Another System
I believe one of the ways that we multiples can help each other is through an open dialog about what is happening or has happened within our systems. While every system is different, there are commonalities in both the process that formed these systems and in the healing process.
Knowing what has worked or didn't work for one system can be useful information. For survivors of ritualistic abuse of satanism, it might also save others from falling into some of the booby traps that were placed during programming. Not to mention just knowing that others have had the same experiences along the way can be helpful in establishing connections in a world that feels unwelcoming.
With that being said, I began the dialog with an alter of another system in the post, Questions from an Alter of Another System The response from that alter is included in the comments on that post.
I'm going to continue dialog with my thoughts, feelings and maybe intuitions here in this post. Also, I think I'm going to follow her lead and refer to the alter we are discussing as (blank) and I am going to refer to the alter I am having the dialog with as A. Hopefully that will help with some of the confusion by differentiating between the alter, A who I am having this dialog with and (blank) who it is about.
First off, let me thank you, A, for continuing this dialog by leaving a comment here. As long as you feel safe with this, I will continue our conversation here. It has already expressed this dialog is useful to others and I believe it will continue to be so.
I'm not sure of the status of those who have commented on hidden blog. So your observation about concerns for (blank) being different between the multiples and singletons, I don't really know for sure. However, I have seen comments other places from some of the same people.
From that I would say I suspect that their comments are out of genuine concern for (blank). I see singletons trying to honor different alters wishes by treating each as separate individuals. Some alters are quite vehement about being recognized as such. So that might play a role in what you are detecting.
I know that all parts are important to the system. Each has a vital role even if those within the system itself don't recognize that fact. I don't know that people in general (some multiples and singletons alike) really understand that all of the parts were necessary for the system's survival.
While some may have bad behavior, they had a necessary role in the survival. And they may have behavior that is now detrimental to the system but they need to be retaught not disposed of. When all is said and done, they have a story to tell as well.
I see a tendency to judge an alter on her/his behavior and a belief that the system would be better off without some. (Blank) has touched people because she has reached out through her blog and asked for help. She appears to be kind and caring so she has developed some cyber friends.
My guess is most if not all of those friends are supportive of the system. They understand she is a part of a system through her posts. People see (blank) as their primary link to how your system is doing so I think they use her as the barometer. It's after all, all they know.
As they are exposed to other parts and get to know them, I expect understanding and concern for those parts too. ( except the dark ones, as you have seen. They are ready to take on any part they think might be harmful) As you have said they express concern in a crisis for others but so far (Blank) has been their primary connection. I think that would be the reason she appears to be their primary concern.
You say that one of the small ones made a connection with (Blank). If the result of that was to get that little some therapy, I doubt that is was engineered by the dark ones. That is the last thing they would want. Power against the dark ones comes from the rest joining forces to take control over them.
The goal of programming is to keep parts as isolated as possible to safeguard silence. Of course, that doesn't apply to dark ones. Joining the dark ones is a desired result during programming or even at a later date. Many times it can be accomplished with a simple programmed trigger that allows them to join. That gives them move power to reek havoc on the system if it's not responding like it should to programming.
I'm getting off track, I apologize for that. I have considerable knowledge about programming and it just spills out sometimes. But back to that little that has connected to (Blank), you said the little's time in therapy was spent mostly on building trust. If it was taking a long time to establish, that speaks to how traumatized this part is. I wonder if the flashes are coming from her (?)
Also, you expressed concern about (Blank) not letting the others in or acknowledging them. That makes me wonder if programming is deflecting things from her. She sure strikes me as someone who really wants to know. It doesn't make sense to me that she goes so far to even post on the internet and yet won't acknowledged other alters. Is it possible that others are blocking what you want her to know?
If that is the case, taking her out of play for a while would be playing right into their hands. That would not be a good thing. I know from experience such things can tip the system out of control. Is there a way you can find if someones deflecting information away from (Blank)? And if that little has a bigger bond with (Blank) than you think, could the little cause turmoil or deep depression if (Blank) is not accessible? Or could the little be more vulnerable with (Blank) not close to the front?
I know you are concerned about timing. Is the Dec date a concern? It sounds like you have buffers you can utilize to help you deal with troublesome dates but would that be affected if (Blank) is farther back.
I ask these questions only to suggest there might be variables within the system that might need to be considered before taking action. As you know, there is a balance there that it's important to maintain. Sometimes it can be unnerving what can cause a system to tilt.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Knowing what has worked or didn't work for one system can be useful information. For survivors of ritualistic abuse of satanism, it might also save others from falling into some of the booby traps that were placed during programming. Not to mention just knowing that others have had the same experiences along the way can be helpful in establishing connections in a world that feels unwelcoming.
With that being said, I began the dialog with an alter of another system in the post, Questions from an Alter of Another System The response from that alter is included in the comments on that post.
I'm going to continue dialog with my thoughts, feelings and maybe intuitions here in this post. Also, I think I'm going to follow her lead and refer to the alter we are discussing as (blank) and I am going to refer to the alter I am having the dialog with as A. Hopefully that will help with some of the confusion by differentiating between the alter, A who I am having this dialog with and (blank) who it is about.
First off, let me thank you, A, for continuing this dialog by leaving a comment here. As long as you feel safe with this, I will continue our conversation here. It has already expressed this dialog is useful to others and I believe it will continue to be so.
I'm not sure of the status of those who have commented on hidden blog. So your observation about concerns for (blank) being different between the multiples and singletons, I don't really know for sure. However, I have seen comments other places from some of the same people.
From that I would say I suspect that their comments are out of genuine concern for (blank). I see singletons trying to honor different alters wishes by treating each as separate individuals. Some alters are quite vehement about being recognized as such. So that might play a role in what you are detecting.
I know that all parts are important to the system. Each has a vital role even if those within the system itself don't recognize that fact. I don't know that people in general (some multiples and singletons alike) really understand that all of the parts were necessary for the system's survival.
While some may have bad behavior, they had a necessary role in the survival. And they may have behavior that is now detrimental to the system but they need to be retaught not disposed of. When all is said and done, they have a story to tell as well.
I see a tendency to judge an alter on her/his behavior and a belief that the system would be better off without some. (Blank) has touched people because she has reached out through her blog and asked for help. She appears to be kind and caring so she has developed some cyber friends.
My guess is most if not all of those friends are supportive of the system. They understand she is a part of a system through her posts. People see (blank) as their primary link to how your system is doing so I think they use her as the barometer. It's after all, all they know.
As they are exposed to other parts and get to know them, I expect understanding and concern for those parts too. ( except the dark ones, as you have seen. They are ready to take on any part they think might be harmful) As you have said they express concern in a crisis for others but so far (Blank) has been their primary connection. I think that would be the reason she appears to be their primary concern.
You say that one of the small ones made a connection with (Blank). If the result of that was to get that little some therapy, I doubt that is was engineered by the dark ones. That is the last thing they would want. Power against the dark ones comes from the rest joining forces to take control over them.
The goal of programming is to keep parts as isolated as possible to safeguard silence. Of course, that doesn't apply to dark ones. Joining the dark ones is a desired result during programming or even at a later date. Many times it can be accomplished with a simple programmed trigger that allows them to join. That gives them move power to reek havoc on the system if it's not responding like it should to programming.
I'm getting off track, I apologize for that. I have considerable knowledge about programming and it just spills out sometimes. But back to that little that has connected to (Blank), you said the little's time in therapy was spent mostly on building trust. If it was taking a long time to establish, that speaks to how traumatized this part is. I wonder if the flashes are coming from her (?)
Also, you expressed concern about (Blank) not letting the others in or acknowledging them. That makes me wonder if programming is deflecting things from her. She sure strikes me as someone who really wants to know. It doesn't make sense to me that she goes so far to even post on the internet and yet won't acknowledged other alters. Is it possible that others are blocking what you want her to know?
If that is the case, taking her out of play for a while would be playing right into their hands. That would not be a good thing. I know from experience such things can tip the system out of control. Is there a way you can find if someones deflecting information away from (Blank)? And if that little has a bigger bond with (Blank) than you think, could the little cause turmoil or deep depression if (Blank) is not accessible? Or could the little be more vulnerable with (Blank) not close to the front?
I know you are concerned about timing. Is the Dec date a concern? It sounds like you have buffers you can utilize to help you deal with troublesome dates but would that be affected if (Blank) is farther back.
I ask these questions only to suggest there might be variables within the system that might need to be considered before taking action. As you know, there is a balance there that it's important to maintain. Sometimes it can be unnerving what can cause a system to tilt.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Monday, November 19, 2007
Questions from an Alter of Another System
Questions were posed on one of the other "multiple" blogs that I read that I said I would answer here on my blog. These questions came from an newly surfacing alter and were addressed to me and others who had been commenting on posts from this particular alter. I would post a link however this is a private blog for the safety of the system. To honor that I will also not use the names of the alters involved.
This "new" alter has been suggesting that she has issues with another alter and that she is in a position to do something about that. I think those of us reading were concerned that there might be trouble. We were asking questions trying to clarify the situation. In answer to our questions another post was made today which included these questions to us commenters.
Q: " Why is this alter of such great concern to you all? "
A: For me, the answer was automatic. All the parts are important to me. Each one contributes to the system. While the significance of different alters may not be important or even known to some within the system, it can be very important to others. Protecting all of the alters is an important part of working towards a healthy, productive system.
Besides I think there is a dangerous message there. If parts are disposable, isn't that a devaluation of the whole. Victims of abuse have enough trouble feeling valuable without being so discounted by their own systems. How do you convince alters to co-operate in a healing process when they can see that others can be or have been disposed of? It doesn't sound like anything that would encourage trust to me. And trust within the system is the most important part in finding a way to healing.
Knowing of the darkness from which this system must heal, there is a long road ahead. I know about the pitfalls and the booby traps. It seems to me that this system will need all of the strength that it can muster to take on this challenge and to come out the other side.
I have seen evidence in this alter of strength. Maybe she's not prefect (but who among us are) and can not hold it together all of the time. But she has been willing to ask some difficult questions of me and my guess is of others. Even though she must have known what she was going to learn, she asked those questions anyway. To me that shows bravery and strength. She wants to know and she is looking for healing for her system. Can you system afford to lose any measure of such things?
Just because she does not have the power to do it on her own doesn't mean that she has no value. I know first hand the power comes from those in the system joining together and working as a team. I believe it would be a loss to this system not to have any alter in the fight against the darkness who has expressed the desire to confront the evil
In addition as a multiple who has lost parts, I can tell you that it has left me (my system) with holes. Missing those pieces have left me unable to connect to parts of my life. I may have the knowledge of certain times and events ok but without any of the emotional attachment that go with those memories, it feels more like something out of yesterday's news than anything to do with me.
Those emotional holes are my biggest regret in all of this crazy life of mine. If there was any way I could go back and save those parts, I absolutely would in a heartbeat.
I have been able to put my life back together and learn to live a happy and productive life. But there is nothing I can do to "feel" those feelings of my lost parts. I understand how a victim of amnesia must feel being told about a life they have no attachment to. The disconnect is unbelievable.
Q: "While she needs the attention and the help in dealing with those flashes, would it not make sense to also give some attention to the ones the flashes are coming from?"
A: I would say from my experience that it is an important part of healing for all to deal with the flashes. It definitely makes sense to give some attention to the ones that the flashes are coming from that is for sure. But the very fact that someone is sending flashes shows they have some kind of faith or bond with her that is important to be utilized.
Each system works differently, so I won't pretend to know what the roles are here. But I do know that working as a team and accepting each and every part is the way to healing. I don't know if the one receiving the flashes needs to work through the flashed first for the safety of the one sending them, but I do know it could be a possibility. There is a lot to be considered.
Obviously the one sending the flashes is in some distress. That needs to be addressed. Whether dealing with the distress means working through what the flashes mean or building those parts up so they can work through them, only those in your system can tell for sure. But it would be important to "feel" things and make informed decisions instead of just jumping in head first.
My guess is the flashes are being sent to this particular alter for a reason. I would think knowing what that reason is would be a good first step in finding out how to resolve this.
Q: If they can be worked through with the ones who actually experienced these things, the flashes would then end for her, would they not?
A: I think I've stated this above, but will say it again. For there to be healing throughout the system, the issues that go with these flashes will need to be worked out throughout the system.
Certainly there has been plenty of evidence of that here on the blogosphere with JIP lately. I know she won't mind me using her for an example. Each part within a system needs to come to a place of understanding and acceptance for there to be healing.
Note: That is the list of questions. If there are more questions, from readers or the alter who asked these questions, please ask. The discussion created can be helpful to other multiples as well.
And to the alter who asked these questions, I want to say thank you for giving us the chance to participate in this dialog.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
This "new" alter has been suggesting that she has issues with another alter and that she is in a position to do something about that. I think those of us reading were concerned that there might be trouble. We were asking questions trying to clarify the situation. In answer to our questions another post was made today which included these questions to us commenters.
Q: " Why is this alter of such great concern to you all? "
A: For me, the answer was automatic. All the parts are important to me. Each one contributes to the system. While the significance of different alters may not be important or even known to some within the system, it can be very important to others. Protecting all of the alters is an important part of working towards a healthy, productive system.
Besides I think there is a dangerous message there. If parts are disposable, isn't that a devaluation of the whole. Victims of abuse have enough trouble feeling valuable without being so discounted by their own systems. How do you convince alters to co-operate in a healing process when they can see that others can be or have been disposed of? It doesn't sound like anything that would encourage trust to me. And trust within the system is the most important part in finding a way to healing.
Knowing of the darkness from which this system must heal, there is a long road ahead. I know about the pitfalls and the booby traps. It seems to me that this system will need all of the strength that it can muster to take on this challenge and to come out the other side.
I have seen evidence in this alter of strength. Maybe she's not prefect (but who among us are) and can not hold it together all of the time. But she has been willing to ask some difficult questions of me and my guess is of others. Even though she must have known what she was going to learn, she asked those questions anyway. To me that shows bravery and strength. She wants to know and she is looking for healing for her system. Can you system afford to lose any measure of such things?
Just because she does not have the power to do it on her own doesn't mean that she has no value. I know first hand the power comes from those in the system joining together and working as a team. I believe it would be a loss to this system not to have any alter in the fight against the darkness who has expressed the desire to confront the evil
In addition as a multiple who has lost parts, I can tell you that it has left me (my system) with holes. Missing those pieces have left me unable to connect to parts of my life. I may have the knowledge of certain times and events ok but without any of the emotional attachment that go with those memories, it feels more like something out of yesterday's news than anything to do with me.
Those emotional holes are my biggest regret in all of this crazy life of mine. If there was any way I could go back and save those parts, I absolutely would in a heartbeat.
I have been able to put my life back together and learn to live a happy and productive life. But there is nothing I can do to "feel" those feelings of my lost parts. I understand how a victim of amnesia must feel being told about a life they have no attachment to. The disconnect is unbelievable.
Q: "While she needs the attention and the help in dealing with those flashes, would it not make sense to also give some attention to the ones the flashes are coming from?"
A: I would say from my experience that it is an important part of healing for all to deal with the flashes. It definitely makes sense to give some attention to the ones that the flashes are coming from that is for sure. But the very fact that someone is sending flashes shows they have some kind of faith or bond with her that is important to be utilized.
Each system works differently, so I won't pretend to know what the roles are here. But I do know that working as a team and accepting each and every part is the way to healing. I don't know if the one receiving the flashes needs to work through the flashed first for the safety of the one sending them, but I do know it could be a possibility. There is a lot to be considered.
Obviously the one sending the flashes is in some distress. That needs to be addressed. Whether dealing with the distress means working through what the flashes mean or building those parts up so they can work through them, only those in your system can tell for sure. But it would be important to "feel" things and make informed decisions instead of just jumping in head first.
My guess is the flashes are being sent to this particular alter for a reason. I would think knowing what that reason is would be a good first step in finding out how to resolve this.
Q: If they can be worked through with the ones who actually experienced these things, the flashes would then end for her, would they not?
A: I think I've stated this above, but will say it again. For there to be healing throughout the system, the issues that go with these flashes will need to be worked out throughout the system.
Certainly there has been plenty of evidence of that here on the blogosphere with JIP lately. I know she won't mind me using her for an example. Each part within a system needs to come to a place of understanding and acceptance for there to be healing.
Note: That is the list of questions. If there are more questions, from readers or the alter who asked these questions, please ask. The discussion created can be helpful to other multiples as well.
And to the alter who asked these questions, I want to say thank you for giving us the chance to participate in this dialog.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Human Nature with All It's Twists and Turns - Part 2
Part 1
A child who has had her/his psyche fragmented no longer has input from her/his entire system. The input has been restricted by the process used to form the compartments. The goal is to keep those good compartments totally isolated from the bad ones. Cues are even put in place to call out the desired personalities when needed. and to cause the other parts to forget that the programming has happened or that they are sensitive to triggers so there is no overlap.
Once the compartmentalization has been done, the system is restricted in its ability to reason right and wrong. Its resources have been not only removed, but all traces of them obliterated. It is like the conscience never existed for some parts.
In addition, the parties who have caused this know that their power over this individual lies in controlling the input into these dark fragments. They make sure that the parts they want to control only experience life on the cult's terms thus guaranteeing ultimate control over the individual and all of its parts. This control is obscene and its ramifications go much further than most people could ever imagine..
The experience's the cult wants these parts to have, of course, are all horrendous. They want to assure that these isolated parts have no idea of good or its affects upon the world. They put extensive energy into manipulating the personalities turning them into bitter, bitter individuals, the darker the better. That way the personalities will do whatever they are ordered without hesitation and believe they are participating freely.
However, the person who is under this influence no longer has "free will" over their entire person. Free will is restricted by the walls within the system. Since information cannot flow freely and control cannot pass through the barriers, this individual is extremely compromised in the ability to live according to her/his values. Even the individuals instincts for self preservation have been compromised.
Adult survivor's of satanism struggle when they learn of the things their "evil" parts have done for the cult. That, too, is one of the things this programming counts on. The programming is designed to overpower the other personalities with guilt so they will hide and give way to the "evil" parts again or they will self destruct. Either way the cult wins. It is a built in safeguard to keep the person quiet and/or attached to the cult.
Only the survivor who is willing to face this guilt stands a chance of ever getting free from the influence of the cult. The difficult part is while the "good" personalities may be willing to stop the "bad' personalities, they have no knowledge of what has created those parts.
As the deeds of these "bad" alters are discovered, all the "good" parts have to go on is their overwhelming feelings of guilt that their "system" could do such things. The guilt they feel far outweighs their actual culpability for these acts. They totally lack the skills to see that the deeds have been accomplished through the manipulation and control of outsiders.
The cult doesn't really care whether the victim self-destructs, erupts in total chaos or retreats internally. Their secret remains secure because the victim is either dead, appears mentally unstable or continues to participate.
To be continued............
Part 3
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
A child who has had her/his psyche fragmented no longer has input from her/his entire system. The input has been restricted by the process used to form the compartments. The goal is to keep those good compartments totally isolated from the bad ones. Cues are even put in place to call out the desired personalities when needed. and to cause the other parts to forget that the programming has happened or that they are sensitive to triggers so there is no overlap.
Once the compartmentalization has been done, the system is restricted in its ability to reason right and wrong. Its resources have been not only removed, but all traces of them obliterated. It is like the conscience never existed for some parts.
In addition, the parties who have caused this know that their power over this individual lies in controlling the input into these dark fragments. They make sure that the parts they want to control only experience life on the cult's terms thus guaranteeing ultimate control over the individual and all of its parts. This control is obscene and its ramifications go much further than most people could ever imagine..
The experience's the cult wants these parts to have, of course, are all horrendous. They want to assure that these isolated parts have no idea of good or its affects upon the world. They put extensive energy into manipulating the personalities turning them into bitter, bitter individuals, the darker the better. That way the personalities will do whatever they are ordered without hesitation and believe they are participating freely.
However, the person who is under this influence no longer has "free will" over their entire person. Free will is restricted by the walls within the system. Since information cannot flow freely and control cannot pass through the barriers, this individual is extremely compromised in the ability to live according to her/his values. Even the individuals instincts for self preservation have been compromised.
Adult survivor's of satanism struggle when they learn of the things their "evil" parts have done for the cult. That, too, is one of the things this programming counts on. The programming is designed to overpower the other personalities with guilt so they will hide and give way to the "evil" parts again or they will self destruct. Either way the cult wins. It is a built in safeguard to keep the person quiet and/or attached to the cult.
Only the survivor who is willing to face this guilt stands a chance of ever getting free from the influence of the cult. The difficult part is while the "good" personalities may be willing to stop the "bad' personalities, they have no knowledge of what has created those parts.
As the deeds of these "bad" alters are discovered, all the "good" parts have to go on is their overwhelming feelings of guilt that their "system" could do such things. The guilt they feel far outweighs their actual culpability for these acts. They totally lack the skills to see that the deeds have been accomplished through the manipulation and control of outsiders.
The cult doesn't really care whether the victim self-destructs, erupts in total chaos or retreats internally. Their secret remains secure because the victim is either dead, appears mentally unstable or continues to participate.
To be continued............
Part 3
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Human Nature with All It's Twists and Turns
Human nature as it is means there is a bit of "bad" in all of us. That part that tells us to make fun of the funny looking kid, lie to save our skin, our covet our neighbor's husband or any of life's temptations. We get that little thought that creeps in and tells us to be naughty, then the good parts of us argue. It is the oldest story alive, good versus evil. That is the basis of our free will. We have the power to chose whether we acknowledge that "bad" and go with it or we listen to the good and chose to do what we think is right.
It seems simple enough. If we chose to do good things, we feel good about ourselves. If we chose to do bad things, we feel bad about ourselves. And supposedly that guilt that comes from doing the bad things, helps to keep us on the straight and narrow doing the good things.
But just suppose that someone knows how to manipulate human nature. They have the skills to take that "bad" and fragment it off from the rest of the psyche. Separated from the good parts of the psyche, that 'bad' looses the balance intended by the countering information of the good in us.
Once this has been accomplished our free will has been compromised. Now it is being affected and controlled by outside sources. There is no guilt because that guilt came from the rest of the psyche. Essentially the conscience of the individual has been silenced in this compartment.Without a conscience, it is easy to manipulate a person to do whatever! And I do mean whatever.
We know that there are humans who are born without a conscience. The belief is that maybe a genetic defect is the cause. The person who has been born this way still has the entire input of life to affect how they chose to deal with their defect. The world around them has plenty of examples of what is right and wrong. Even if the person doesn't feel the need to conform, they have enough input to know there will be consequences if they don't.
But this phenomenon can be created manually as described in our supposition above. There are studies about mind control that clearly support this.
Children are highly impressionable, the younger they are, they more easily they are influenced. So the younger the victim of this practice the easier it is to mold and shape the compartment into something evil. Because a child has limited experience, there is less chance the memory will hold information that might counteract programming. The younger the better, in other words.
This is the goal of the mind control that is satanism. There is much evidence to suggest that the process on small children is engineered solely for the purpose of creating Multiple Personality Disorder (now called Dissociative Identity Disorder) to trick children into choosing evil.Because evil cannot win out fairly over most people, it has learned how to turn man's humanity against itself to create a servant for evil.
To be continued...........
Part 2
PLEASE NOTE!!!! Jumpinginpuddles is having a very difficult time. She and her therapist are both under attack for locking up her enforcer personality, Sam. Her life is hanging in the balance.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
It seems simple enough. If we chose to do good things, we feel good about ourselves. If we chose to do bad things, we feel bad about ourselves. And supposedly that guilt that comes from doing the bad things, helps to keep us on the straight and narrow doing the good things.
But just suppose that someone knows how to manipulate human nature. They have the skills to take that "bad" and fragment it off from the rest of the psyche. Separated from the good parts of the psyche, that 'bad' looses the balance intended by the countering information of the good in us.
Once this has been accomplished our free will has been compromised. Now it is being affected and controlled by outside sources. There is no guilt because that guilt came from the rest of the psyche. Essentially the conscience of the individual has been silenced in this compartment.Without a conscience, it is easy to manipulate a person to do whatever! And I do mean whatever.
We know that there are humans who are born without a conscience. The belief is that maybe a genetic defect is the cause. The person who has been born this way still has the entire input of life to affect how they chose to deal with their defect. The world around them has plenty of examples of what is right and wrong. Even if the person doesn't feel the need to conform, they have enough input to know there will be consequences if they don't.
But this phenomenon can be created manually as described in our supposition above. There are studies about mind control that clearly support this.
Children are highly impressionable, the younger they are, they more easily they are influenced. So the younger the victim of this practice the easier it is to mold and shape the compartment into something evil. Because a child has limited experience, there is less chance the memory will hold information that might counteract programming. The younger the better, in other words.
This is the goal of the mind control that is satanism. There is much evidence to suggest that the process on small children is engineered solely for the purpose of creating Multiple Personality Disorder (now called Dissociative Identity Disorder) to trick children into choosing evil.Because evil cannot win out fairly over most people, it has learned how to turn man's humanity against itself to create a servant for evil.
To be continued...........
Part 2
PLEASE NOTE!!!! Jumpinginpuddles is having a very difficult time. She and her therapist are both under attack for locking up her enforcer personality, Sam. Her life is hanging in the balance.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Friday, November 9, 2007
The Veil of Secrecy
If you are following the blogs of other multiples, I'm sure that you have noticed an element of secrecy. That secrecy isn't there because multiples tend to be paranoid, it is there because they have something real to fear.
I have written before about enforcers within the systems of multiples. Enforcers can be as complicated as the systems they are part of. Enforcers tend to have the capacity to be coconscious with the most susceptible and vulnerable personalities. So not only can they come out externally and reek havoc on a system, they can terrorize parts too vulnerable to come to the front that still influence the front people.
That inner terrorization can carry lots of weight in how a system functions. Fear can easily immobilize attempts to make healthy choices, get help etc. Fear that cannot be traced carries extra weight just because it adds to confusion. As I've stated before confusion is the fodder that victimization feeds upon.
Cult survivors characteristically will be set-up with enforcers. That is in the plural because one survivor will usually have several enforcers. Each may have a different role or control a different set of alters. But you can bet they have been carefully "placed" to keep the system in check.
Any survivor who is trying to get free from her/his programming will definitely be pushing the buttons of their internal enforcers. However, internal enforcers are not their only threat. If there is any indication that a survivor is not totally submissive to programming, there may well be external threats.
The last thing that cults, whether satanists or others, want is for their "followers" to think they can be free. The way the cult survives is by keeping their victims trapped. Survivors providing support for other survivors threatens the whole organization. Cults will have many enforcers in place to torture and abuse or even kill any and all who might rock the boat.
From the beginning of my journey, the agency where I got counseling was threatened and the individuals who worked with me were threatened as well. Actually I'm not aware of a single survivor or their therapists who have not had threats made against them. Usually there are stories to go along with those threats about attempts to carry them out. I know that there were attempts to burn down the agency where I went.
Most times these threats will start even before the victim or the therapist has a clue what they are dealing with. The farther they get in the process, the more intense the threats and attempts will be. So to see that multiples are engaged in covering behind a veil of secrecy is understandable.
For me, I've gone to the other extreme. I run a business and I advertise so I'm right out there in the public on all levels. Because I know exactly what I am dealing with, I have ammunition to defend myself. That does not mean that at times I don't worry about some of the things I post. I'm perfectly aware that some enforcers might think they have something to gain by killing me. But I'm convinced I'd rather be a target than to live in anymore fear.
Jumpinginpuddles has written a post, Comment Moderation
that explains what is happening currently within her system. As JIP becomes more aware of the hold her enforcer personality had over over parts of her, she and her therapist are readying themselves for more battles. The enforcer, Sam, may be locked away but there may still be other enforcers planted as well as parts that have been tricked into helping enforcers. While she is on this dangerous journey, I will continue to ask my readers to keep her in your thoughts and prayers.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
I have written before about enforcers within the systems of multiples. Enforcers can be as complicated as the systems they are part of. Enforcers tend to have the capacity to be coconscious with the most susceptible and vulnerable personalities. So not only can they come out externally and reek havoc on a system, they can terrorize parts too vulnerable to come to the front that still influence the front people.
That inner terrorization can carry lots of weight in how a system functions. Fear can easily immobilize attempts to make healthy choices, get help etc. Fear that cannot be traced carries extra weight just because it adds to confusion. As I've stated before confusion is the fodder that victimization feeds upon.
Cult survivors characteristically will be set-up with enforcers. That is in the plural because one survivor will usually have several enforcers. Each may have a different role or control a different set of alters. But you can bet they have been carefully "placed" to keep the system in check.
Any survivor who is trying to get free from her/his programming will definitely be pushing the buttons of their internal enforcers. However, internal enforcers are not their only threat. If there is any indication that a survivor is not totally submissive to programming, there may well be external threats.
The last thing that cults, whether satanists or others, want is for their "followers" to think they can be free. The way the cult survives is by keeping their victims trapped. Survivors providing support for other survivors threatens the whole organization. Cults will have many enforcers in place to torture and abuse or even kill any and all who might rock the boat.
From the beginning of my journey, the agency where I got counseling was threatened and the individuals who worked with me were threatened as well. Actually I'm not aware of a single survivor or their therapists who have not had threats made against them. Usually there are stories to go along with those threats about attempts to carry them out. I know that there were attempts to burn down the agency where I went.
Most times these threats will start even before the victim or the therapist has a clue what they are dealing with. The farther they get in the process, the more intense the threats and attempts will be. So to see that multiples are engaged in covering behind a veil of secrecy is understandable.
For me, I've gone to the other extreme. I run a business and I advertise so I'm right out there in the public on all levels. Because I know exactly what I am dealing with, I have ammunition to defend myself. That does not mean that at times I don't worry about some of the things I post. I'm perfectly aware that some enforcers might think they have something to gain by killing me. But I'm convinced I'd rather be a target than to live in anymore fear.
Jumpinginpuddles has written a post, Comment Moderation
that explains what is happening currently within her system. As JIP becomes more aware of the hold her enforcer personality had over over parts of her, she and her therapist are readying themselves for more battles. The enforcer, Sam, may be locked away but there may still be other enforcers planted as well as parts that have been tricked into helping enforcers. While she is on this dangerous journey, I will continue to ask my readers to keep her in your thoughts and prayers.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Some Things I Can't Explain
NOTE: This post has graphic content.
Recently I made a post on my blog requesting prayers for a survivor of ritualistic abuse. It may have sounded out of character for me since I tend to not post about the spirituals aspects of satanism. I do that because I know that a lot of people might be turned off by it and unable to hear the message here.
There are many things that I cannot explain that happened to me during that time in my life. Being one of those "logical" thinkers, I have a need to be able to explain everything. If I can't explain it in some way, shape or form, then I usually don't talk about it. And I'd really like not to believe it. But when it comes to this, I know what I experienced.
I have posted before about my feelings about God and spirituality.in What Has God Got to Do with It?
But I have not posted about the strange things that I encountered in cult activity. Strange meaning those things that I cannot explain.
Maybe part of the reason that I don't talk about it is I think that people won't believe me if I can't explain it. Heck sometimes it's hard for me to believe it so why should I expect others to do something I am struggling with.
The thing that changes all of that for me is the fact that there are still people out there trying to get free from cult involvement. I know how complicated getting free from cult influence can be. If I can do something to help those people then I am willing to do so even if it means some turmoil here.
What does this have to do with my response to a survivor requesting prayers? Well, it's about those things I can't explain. So instead of trying to, I'm going to tell you about my experience.
On Halloween night when I was seven years old, I was laid upon a marble alter. There were golden candelabras everywhere with long black tapers. On each candle was a golden medallion with the sign of the beast in the center. Sitting on an elevated throne overlooking the altar was a red robed figure around his neck hung a larger version of the same medallion.
There had been two weeks of ceremonies leading up to this celebration in honor of this "creature" and his "child." The ceremony being performed was the final step into the "adoption" of that "child."
Putting two and two together, you might already know that "that child" was me. I had been selected at the age of two for a particular placement within the cult. The five years that I had spent involved were an elaborate training process to ready me for my role as his successor.
Obviously, I wasn't going to take over as a child. My training was going to take a lifetime. There were stages that I was to go through along the way before I actually reached his exalted (their term, not mine) position. There were particular anniversary dates where I was to return for my "official" moves up the ladder. This Halloween night in 1954 was the second step in that series of extraordinary rituals.
But what I want to talk about here isn't the ladder or what my role was to be. The only reason I have told you that part is because it is significant to what happened to me that night. The authority of the cloaked figure and what my relationship to him was to be were the reasons for this particular ritual. The power used was dictated by his authority
At one point in the ceremony, there was a pronouncement committing my soul. I remember something about "the image and likeness of' before my soul was mentioned but frankly most the words are a blur. What isn't a blur is the blackness that over took me and seemed to infiltrate my very being as the word "soul" was spoken. My mind and body were flooded with powerful sensations.
Even now when I think about it, the goosebumps raise, my hair stands on end and the revulsion boils up in the pit of my stomach. The darkness was so black, the emptiness so empty, the chill so frigid. There is no doubt in my mind that nothing less that sheer, pure evil was taking over every part of me, clear through to my immortal soul.
I don't say these works lightly. The evil had a feeling, a smell, a weight, I can't even think of all the ways to describe its presence. I could feel the death, desperation and despair and all manner of hopelessness and evil that belongs in the pits of hell. I don't think I will ever be able to describe it in a way that seems adequate for what I experienced.
I can tell you that even at seven years old, I knew instantly I was making the decision of my life. All of my programming was supposed to make sure that I chose the darkness. But I did not. I screamed out for God.
As the words fell from my lips, the darkness fled and the cult erupted in chaos. That "creature" that I was to replace jumped to his feet, grabbed me from the altar and tossed me aside. Demanding the names of each and every person involved in my programming, he ranted about how he'd been disgraced as the area disintegrated into bedlam.
But again, I don't want to get off onto all of this. What I want you to understand, is that what I experienced was an actual spiritual assault. I can't explain how or why I know that I just do. It was not a trick fabricated by the cult to terrorize me. With every fiber of my being I know that it was the real thing.
I have experienced it once again since that night. On the day that I abreacted this memory, I was assaulted again. Like there was some kind of portal that allowed the evil access to my soul once again. It was the same but it was different.
"It" had knowledge of my entire life. Voices and darkness and haunting flashes perverted to convince me to change my choice. As sure as I am of my name, my age, my children, my passion for Arabian horses, I am sure that my soul was the target of those attacks. And I am sure, that all of this is real.
So when I tell you I know what one human being can do to another or how "evil" human beings can be, I tell you because I know how pure evil feels. I have experienced evil in its most dangerous form.
Because of this, I know if a survivor says she/he needs prayers the request needs to be honored. I know the fight is probably going to be much bigger than anything ever imagined. The survivor's very soul can be at stake.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Recently I made a post on my blog requesting prayers for a survivor of ritualistic abuse. It may have sounded out of character for me since I tend to not post about the spirituals aspects of satanism. I do that because I know that a lot of people might be turned off by it and unable to hear the message here.
There are many things that I cannot explain that happened to me during that time in my life. Being one of those "logical" thinkers, I have a need to be able to explain everything. If I can't explain it in some way, shape or form, then I usually don't talk about it. And I'd really like not to believe it. But when it comes to this, I know what I experienced.
I have posted before about my feelings about God and spirituality.in What Has God Got to Do with It?
But I have not posted about the strange things that I encountered in cult activity. Strange meaning those things that I cannot explain.
Maybe part of the reason that I don't talk about it is I think that people won't believe me if I can't explain it. Heck sometimes it's hard for me to believe it so why should I expect others to do something I am struggling with.
The thing that changes all of that for me is the fact that there are still people out there trying to get free from cult involvement. I know how complicated getting free from cult influence can be. If I can do something to help those people then I am willing to do so even if it means some turmoil here.
What does this have to do with my response to a survivor requesting prayers? Well, it's about those things I can't explain. So instead of trying to, I'm going to tell you about my experience.
On Halloween night when I was seven years old, I was laid upon a marble alter. There were golden candelabras everywhere with long black tapers. On each candle was a golden medallion with the sign of the beast in the center. Sitting on an elevated throne overlooking the altar was a red robed figure around his neck hung a larger version of the same medallion.
There had been two weeks of ceremonies leading up to this celebration in honor of this "creature" and his "child." The ceremony being performed was the final step into the "adoption" of that "child."
Putting two and two together, you might already know that "that child" was me. I had been selected at the age of two for a particular placement within the cult. The five years that I had spent involved were an elaborate training process to ready me for my role as his successor.
Obviously, I wasn't going to take over as a child. My training was going to take a lifetime. There were stages that I was to go through along the way before I actually reached his exalted (their term, not mine) position. There were particular anniversary dates where I was to return for my "official" moves up the ladder. This Halloween night in 1954 was the second step in that series of extraordinary rituals.
But what I want to talk about here isn't the ladder or what my role was to be. The only reason I have told you that part is because it is significant to what happened to me that night. The authority of the cloaked figure and what my relationship to him was to be were the reasons for this particular ritual. The power used was dictated by his authority
At one point in the ceremony, there was a pronouncement committing my soul. I remember something about "the image and likeness of' before my soul was mentioned but frankly most the words are a blur. What isn't a blur is the blackness that over took me and seemed to infiltrate my very being as the word "soul" was spoken. My mind and body were flooded with powerful sensations.
Even now when I think about it, the goosebumps raise, my hair stands on end and the revulsion boils up in the pit of my stomach. The darkness was so black, the emptiness so empty, the chill so frigid. There is no doubt in my mind that nothing less that sheer, pure evil was taking over every part of me, clear through to my immortal soul.
I don't say these works lightly. The evil had a feeling, a smell, a weight, I can't even think of all the ways to describe its presence. I could feel the death, desperation and despair and all manner of hopelessness and evil that belongs in the pits of hell. I don't think I will ever be able to describe it in a way that seems adequate for what I experienced.
I can tell you that even at seven years old, I knew instantly I was making the decision of my life. All of my programming was supposed to make sure that I chose the darkness. But I did not. I screamed out for God.
As the words fell from my lips, the darkness fled and the cult erupted in chaos. That "creature" that I was to replace jumped to his feet, grabbed me from the altar and tossed me aside. Demanding the names of each and every person involved in my programming, he ranted about how he'd been disgraced as the area disintegrated into bedlam.
But again, I don't want to get off onto all of this. What I want you to understand, is that what I experienced was an actual spiritual assault. I can't explain how or why I know that I just do. It was not a trick fabricated by the cult to terrorize me. With every fiber of my being I know that it was the real thing.
I have experienced it once again since that night. On the day that I abreacted this memory, I was assaulted again. Like there was some kind of portal that allowed the evil access to my soul once again. It was the same but it was different.
"It" had knowledge of my entire life. Voices and darkness and haunting flashes perverted to convince me to change my choice. As sure as I am of my name, my age, my children, my passion for Arabian horses, I am sure that my soul was the target of those attacks. And I am sure, that all of this is real.
So when I tell you I know what one human being can do to another or how "evil" human beings can be, I tell you because I know how pure evil feels. I have experienced evil in its most dangerous form.
Because of this, I know if a survivor says she/he needs prayers the request needs to be honored. I know the fight is probably going to be much bigger than anything ever imagined. The survivor's very soul can be at stake.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
A Prayer Request for a Survivor - Please Read
I just followed at trail and found this post A Plea for Prayers asking for prayers for one of my cyberfriends, jumpinginpuddles.
I believe from her posts and her comments on this blog that JIP is a survivor of ritualistic abuse. She is dealing with a personality that is probably an enforcer but definitely a troublemaker. She has been having great difficulty trying to keep this part under control.
She and her therapist have requested a prayer circle during their therapy session tonight, 9 pm (Central Standard Time). They will be confronting this alter at that time. If this part is an enforcer, they are very wise in asking for such help.
As a victim of satanism I can tell you that the use of prayer in a situtation like this can be the difference between success and failure. Even if you don't believe in God or a higher power, please think positive thoughts for my friend, JIP. And for those of you who do, please set your clocks and pray your hearts out. She is going to need all the help she can get.
And please, read the post referenced above for more details about JIP and this situation.
Update: 5:21 PST With thimes changes etc, I found out that the first prayer circle was last night. However, they are requesting an additional prayer circle for healing tonight at 9 CST.
I believe from her posts and her comments on this blog that JIP is a survivor of ritualistic abuse. She is dealing with a personality that is probably an enforcer but definitely a troublemaker. She has been having great difficulty trying to keep this part under control.
She and her therapist have requested a prayer circle during their therapy session tonight, 9 pm (Central Standard Time). They will be confronting this alter at that time. If this part is an enforcer, they are very wise in asking for such help.
As a victim of satanism I can tell you that the use of prayer in a situtation like this can be the difference between success and failure. Even if you don't believe in God or a higher power, please think positive thoughts for my friend, JIP. And for those of you who do, please set your clocks and pray your hearts out. She is going to need all the help she can get.
And please, read the post referenced above for more details about JIP and this situation.
Update: 5:21 PST With thimes changes etc, I found out that the first prayer circle was last night. However, they are requesting an additional prayer circle for healing tonight at 9 CST.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Questions, Lots of Questions Part 4
Part 1
One way the cult offenders can keep their victims trapped and doing their bidding is by convincing a personality that she/he is as bad as their abusers. There are many ways that set a victim up to believe this.
The most powerful is to make a child believe they have participated in something when in fact the 'deed' was done before the child ever arrived. Or a child might be co-erced to do something that they would never do without extreme duress. Victims don't give themselves the benefit of the doubt, they easily take on responsibility for things they shouldn't. That is one of the hallmarks of victim behavior.
The alter ends up believing that she/he is indeed evil and discontinues fighting against the programming. The alter is hopelessly caught in ."if you can't beat them, join them" thinking. It seems better to participate than to be continually tortured. Small children and life-long victims are easily tricked and trapped.
As an adult viewing that child's graphic memory of such events, it was easy for me to see that these instances were nothing more than set-ups. Because parts of me already had the benefit of sorting through our victim behavior, we could easily spot the games and assign responsibility to the offenders where it belong.
But bear in mind that was not the case for me before therapy. I never could have sorted those memories. I would have easily fallen victim to my internal enforcers. I had literally no skills to protect me against such manipulations.
I wish I could say that this behavior will be stopped sometime soon. But since it's rarely even talked about anymore, I don't think there's much chance of that. Back in the late 70s and early 80s when childhood abuse was really coming out of the closet, it seemed to be a normal progression to discover victims like me discovering deeper darker secrets.
The talk shows and magazines picked up those stories right along in that progression but just like the offenders of incest and child rape were screaming loudly that they were wrongly accused, so did the offenders in the darker arts of perversion. Organizations like VOCAL and FACT sprang up in the name of "the falsely accused."
The result was to quiet the victims by taking away their voice. All of the victims lost valuable ground in the fight to educate the public. But particularly the victims of ritualistic abuse and satanism lost huge in the credibility department. It was much easier to believe that someone made it up, than it could possibly be real.
False accusations became a battle cry against those speaking out against abuse. Motives were everything from ex-partners getting even to professionals grasping for glory. Even the famous McMartin Day Care case got thrown off balance by the allegation that memories were planted by unscrupulous professionals. Questioning of those children was so mishandled no one will ever know the truth. So instead of seeing it as the confusing mess it became, it's been written off as more proof that this kind of stuff doesn't really happen.
False memory syndrome became the catch phrase of the day (and still is) to dismiss any and all allegations. Those accused actually began to receive more airtime and press than victims. The result was that ritualistic abuse and satanism were swept back under the rug.
As long as they stay there, those individuals who engage in such activity will continue to do what they do. There can be no protection for children when no one will believe.
I'm not going to pretend that sometimes evil people do not accuse some one of abuse to further their own purposes. Nor am I going to profess that there is no way a therapist would plant ideas into client's heads. I, for one, know what human beings are capable of. As easily as adults can rape children, others can accuse when no abuse is there and therapists are not exempt from being evil.
However, to throw out all abuse as unreal is just wrong. The world is just not that black and white. I believe that most reported cases of child abuse are accurate. The courts have seen all too many cases where children have been abused only to have the court case turn into mom versus dad in the divorce as motive for the child not to be believed.
Juries have let offenders off saying in one breath they believed the child and in the next the prosecution didn't make their case while multiple victims (of which the jury only new of one) sat in the court room awaiting a verdict. For me how does that even make sense. If the jury believed the child, isn't that the case.
But manipulation is the name of the game in our court system and every where else along the way in our country. And who are the experts of manipulation? Well, the answer to that question, the offenders, of course.
Since confusion is the fodder upon which offenders feed, the way to combat them is to be informed.We, as a society, need to wise up and wade through all of the crap to figure out who is really who and what is really what. Until we can do that, there will be no protection for children of abuse, all forms of abuse.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
One way the cult offenders can keep their victims trapped and doing their bidding is by convincing a personality that she/he is as bad as their abusers. There are many ways that set a victim up to believe this.
The most powerful is to make a child believe they have participated in something when in fact the 'deed' was done before the child ever arrived. Or a child might be co-erced to do something that they would never do without extreme duress. Victims don't give themselves the benefit of the doubt, they easily take on responsibility for things they shouldn't. That is one of the hallmarks of victim behavior.
The alter ends up believing that she/he is indeed evil and discontinues fighting against the programming. The alter is hopelessly caught in ."if you can't beat them, join them" thinking. It seems better to participate than to be continually tortured. Small children and life-long victims are easily tricked and trapped.
As an adult viewing that child's graphic memory of such events, it was easy for me to see that these instances were nothing more than set-ups. Because parts of me already had the benefit of sorting through our victim behavior, we could easily spot the games and assign responsibility to the offenders where it belong.
But bear in mind that was not the case for me before therapy. I never could have sorted those memories. I would have easily fallen victim to my internal enforcers. I had literally no skills to protect me against such manipulations.
I wish I could say that this behavior will be stopped sometime soon. But since it's rarely even talked about anymore, I don't think there's much chance of that. Back in the late 70s and early 80s when childhood abuse was really coming out of the closet, it seemed to be a normal progression to discover victims like me discovering deeper darker secrets.
The talk shows and magazines picked up those stories right along in that progression but just like the offenders of incest and child rape were screaming loudly that they were wrongly accused, so did the offenders in the darker arts of perversion. Organizations like VOCAL and FACT sprang up in the name of "the falsely accused."
The result was to quiet the victims by taking away their voice. All of the victims lost valuable ground in the fight to educate the public. But particularly the victims of ritualistic abuse and satanism lost huge in the credibility department. It was much easier to believe that someone made it up, than it could possibly be real.
False accusations became a battle cry against those speaking out against abuse. Motives were everything from ex-partners getting even to professionals grasping for glory. Even the famous McMartin Day Care case got thrown off balance by the allegation that memories were planted by unscrupulous professionals. Questioning of those children was so mishandled no one will ever know the truth. So instead of seeing it as the confusing mess it became, it's been written off as more proof that this kind of stuff doesn't really happen.
False memory syndrome became the catch phrase of the day (and still is) to dismiss any and all allegations. Those accused actually began to receive more airtime and press than victims. The result was that ritualistic abuse and satanism were swept back under the rug.
As long as they stay there, those individuals who engage in such activity will continue to do what they do. There can be no protection for children when no one will believe.
I'm not going to pretend that sometimes evil people do not accuse some one of abuse to further their own purposes. Nor am I going to profess that there is no way a therapist would plant ideas into client's heads. I, for one, know what human beings are capable of. As easily as adults can rape children, others can accuse when no abuse is there and therapists are not exempt from being evil.
However, to throw out all abuse as unreal is just wrong. The world is just not that black and white. I believe that most reported cases of child abuse are accurate. The courts have seen all too many cases where children have been abused only to have the court case turn into mom versus dad in the divorce as motive for the child not to be believed.
Juries have let offenders off saying in one breath they believed the child and in the next the prosecution didn't make their case while multiple victims (of which the jury only new of one) sat in the court room awaiting a verdict. For me how does that even make sense. If the jury believed the child, isn't that the case.
But manipulation is the name of the game in our court system and every where else along the way in our country. And who are the experts of manipulation? Well, the answer to that question, the offenders, of course.
Since confusion is the fodder upon which offenders feed, the way to combat them is to be informed.We, as a society, need to wise up and wade through all of the crap to figure out who is really who and what is really what. Until we can do that, there will be no protection for children of abuse, all forms of abuse.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Friday, November 2, 2007
Questions, Lots of Questions Part 3
Part 1
I know that this is one of those topics that the more questions I answer, probably the more questions there will be. I wish I could answer them all, but frankly there are some answers, I just don't have.
I'd ask that you remember that these things all happened to me when I was a small child. It began when I was two and it ended when I was seven. While I may have recovered these memories as an adult nearly 40, they were the memories of very small children. I know what I know through the eyes of those children.
Just like any small children, their perceptions of the world were limited. The adults that were involved in establishing control over these children seemed bigger than life. While as an adult, I may be able to tell that what those adults said to the children may have been lies, the fact is, those small children believed what they were told.
In many cases all I have to go on is that childish perception. Some of the memories are so vivid, that I have been able to use my own perceptions to sort through them. That is how I was able to heal. But when it comes to names an places I have little chance of verifying what these children abreacted in therapy. Providing that type of information for the authorities was limited at best.
The fact that it ended when I was seven is very unusual. Many victims don't get free at all and those who do usually don't until sometime into adulthood.
Cults (that would be all cults, not just satanism) would have victims believe that no one ever gets free. Most survivors of satanism I have met were not free. While they had personalities who had discovered the abuse and wanted to be free, they still had personalities under the control of the cult. Trying to undo the programming that keeps them caught is a monumental task complicated by the presence of cult enforcers, personalities or programs created to keep the victim under the cult's rule.
I realize that it is difficult to understand how a person could be horrified by the fact they have been the victim of a cult and still have a part of them that participates. But that is the major complication of multiple personality disorder for a victim.
To many it might seem that the alter participates freely. It might even seem so to the participating personality. But the fact is that this is all part of the elaborate brain washing that has been done. The victim has long since lost her/his ability to chose freely.The reasons for that are many.
First off, because the victim's psyche has split off into a myriad of parts and the memories of those parts are separate from each other, it is much easier for the victim to be manipulated. One of the things that I learned as I resolved a number of victimization's in my past was there was a common thread in all of them. That thread was confusion. The more confused I was, the easier I was victimized.
A victim with MPD (now known as DID) who loses time (which many multiples do) is a system of chaos. With alters moving in and out of the forefront, the displaced personalities have no idea what has happened to them during their time pushed to the back. The result when a personality does surface again is nothing but confusion.
The surfacing personality has no explanation for the lost time. All she/he knows is time has "jumped" since the last time she/he knew. Because she/he has no awareness of other inhabitants within the body, for all intents and purposes time has just not existed for that personality in a world that clearly did NOT stand still.
Because of this many multiples have difficulties even grasping the concept of time. Time stops and starts for them, while it is continuous for others. Even if they have the concept of time explained to them over and over, it just doesn't match up with how time works for them, adding to their confusion.
Afraid of being labelled crazy, the multiple will try to pretend that everything is normal. All the while she/he is immersed in confusion trying to figure out what happened in the world without them.
That confusion is complicated by information about what she/he "did" during that missing time. The alter knows for sure, that she/he did no such thing but has no other explanation. The whole world can seem crazy to her/him. Since offenders are experts at manipulating they make that chaos work for them. An alter in a chaotic system is an easy target.
To be continued..........
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
I know that this is one of those topics that the more questions I answer, probably the more questions there will be. I wish I could answer them all, but frankly there are some answers, I just don't have.
I'd ask that you remember that these things all happened to me when I was a small child. It began when I was two and it ended when I was seven. While I may have recovered these memories as an adult nearly 40, they were the memories of very small children. I know what I know through the eyes of those children.
Just like any small children, their perceptions of the world were limited. The adults that were involved in establishing control over these children seemed bigger than life. While as an adult, I may be able to tell that what those adults said to the children may have been lies, the fact is, those small children believed what they were told.
In many cases all I have to go on is that childish perception. Some of the memories are so vivid, that I have been able to use my own perceptions to sort through them. That is how I was able to heal. But when it comes to names an places I have little chance of verifying what these children abreacted in therapy. Providing that type of information for the authorities was limited at best.
The fact that it ended when I was seven is very unusual. Many victims don't get free at all and those who do usually don't until sometime into adulthood.
Cults (that would be all cults, not just satanism) would have victims believe that no one ever gets free. Most survivors of satanism I have met were not free. While they had personalities who had discovered the abuse and wanted to be free, they still had personalities under the control of the cult. Trying to undo the programming that keeps them caught is a monumental task complicated by the presence of cult enforcers, personalities or programs created to keep the victim under the cult's rule.
I realize that it is difficult to understand how a person could be horrified by the fact they have been the victim of a cult and still have a part of them that participates. But that is the major complication of multiple personality disorder for a victim.
To many it might seem that the alter participates freely. It might even seem so to the participating personality. But the fact is that this is all part of the elaborate brain washing that has been done. The victim has long since lost her/his ability to chose freely.The reasons for that are many.
First off, because the victim's psyche has split off into a myriad of parts and the memories of those parts are separate from each other, it is much easier for the victim to be manipulated. One of the things that I learned as I resolved a number of victimization's in my past was there was a common thread in all of them. That thread was confusion. The more confused I was, the easier I was victimized.
A victim with MPD (now known as DID) who loses time (which many multiples do) is a system of chaos. With alters moving in and out of the forefront, the displaced personalities have no idea what has happened to them during their time pushed to the back. The result when a personality does surface again is nothing but confusion.
The surfacing personality has no explanation for the lost time. All she/he knows is time has "jumped" since the last time she/he knew. Because she/he has no awareness of other inhabitants within the body, for all intents and purposes time has just not existed for that personality in a world that clearly did NOT stand still.
Because of this many multiples have difficulties even grasping the concept of time. Time stops and starts for them, while it is continuous for others. Even if they have the concept of time explained to them over and over, it just doesn't match up with how time works for them, adding to their confusion.
Afraid of being labelled crazy, the multiple will try to pretend that everything is normal. All the while she/he is immersed in confusion trying to figure out what happened in the world without them.
That confusion is complicated by information about what she/he "did" during that missing time. The alter knows for sure, that she/he did no such thing but has no other explanation. The whole world can seem crazy to her/him. Since offenders are experts at manipulating they make that chaos work for them. An alter in a chaotic system is an easy target.
To be continued..........
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Questions, Lots of Questions Part 2
Questions, Lots of Questions Part 1
While I didn't have an specific questions for this post, I thought it was an appropriate place to add some information that might answer some unspoken questions.
I did go back to the neighborhood that I grew up in and spoke to a neighbor. This woman and her daughter I became quite attached to as a teenager. I asked her if she could believe that my family would be involved in this kind of activity. To my surprise, she said yes. I always thought that others saw my mother as this saintly Catholic woman, but that apparently was not the case at all.
I might add that usually when someone finally breaks down and tells about being involved in this behavior, they are so out of control that no one believes them. More than one of the survivors I met were still involved as adults. While they had personalities who wanted to get free, they also had personalities who were still actively involved. While becoming a multiple can save a child from perishing from horrific abuse, it can also be manipulated to keep a victim caught in a trap. Many victims of ritualistic abuse or satanism continue to be victimized long into adulthood. Only after that have outlived their usefulness to the cult are they left alone, or worse, disposed of.
One woman I met was known to the police that I later made my reports to. She had an extensive mental health record and a police record so was considered unreliable. The officers didn't know what to do with anything that she said. It sounded crazy to them.
Then they met me. I was a normal high functioning citizen. I didn't have a history in and out of mental institutions and no criminal history. I was clear, concise and knowledgeable and even more important, believable. I was what they call a "credible witness."
I gave them a reason to think that maybe what they had been hearing from others was true. While I was talking about things from nearly forty years ago, those things so paralleled what the officers were hearing about in the present, it was unnerving. It was hard to deny that the account of their known contacts aligned with my experiences.
These officers really wanted to delve into investigating my charges but there was one problem. Satanism is considered a religion and is protected under our constitution. Without hard evidence, the law prohibits them from conducting an investigation. However, if I should disappear or die from anything but natural causes, they will have what they need to proceeded with their investigation.
They have my complete record, names, dates, times, even copies of my artwork showing detailed accounts of many, many illegal and depraved activities. They are not the only ones who have these documents. I have set up an extensive network allowing for the possibility that part of these safeguards will be thwarted. In the event that I am silenced, there will be an investigation.
To be continued.....
Part 3
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
While I didn't have an specific questions for this post, I thought it was an appropriate place to add some information that might answer some unspoken questions.
I did go back to the neighborhood that I grew up in and spoke to a neighbor. This woman and her daughter I became quite attached to as a teenager. I asked her if she could believe that my family would be involved in this kind of activity. To my surprise, she said yes. I always thought that others saw my mother as this saintly Catholic woman, but that apparently was not the case at all.
I might add that usually when someone finally breaks down and tells about being involved in this behavior, they are so out of control that no one believes them. More than one of the survivors I met were still involved as adults. While they had personalities who wanted to get free, they also had personalities who were still actively involved. While becoming a multiple can save a child from perishing from horrific abuse, it can also be manipulated to keep a victim caught in a trap. Many victims of ritualistic abuse or satanism continue to be victimized long into adulthood. Only after that have outlived their usefulness to the cult are they left alone, or worse, disposed of.
One woman I met was known to the police that I later made my reports to. She had an extensive mental health record and a police record so was considered unreliable. The officers didn't know what to do with anything that she said. It sounded crazy to them.
Then they met me. I was a normal high functioning citizen. I didn't have a history in and out of mental institutions and no criminal history. I was clear, concise and knowledgeable and even more important, believable. I was what they call a "credible witness."
I gave them a reason to think that maybe what they had been hearing from others was true. While I was talking about things from nearly forty years ago, those things so paralleled what the officers were hearing about in the present, it was unnerving. It was hard to deny that the account of their known contacts aligned with my experiences.
These officers really wanted to delve into investigating my charges but there was one problem. Satanism is considered a religion and is protected under our constitution. Without hard evidence, the law prohibits them from conducting an investigation. However, if I should disappear or die from anything but natural causes, they will have what they need to proceeded with their investigation.
They have my complete record, names, dates, times, even copies of my artwork showing detailed accounts of many, many illegal and depraved activities. They are not the only ones who have these documents. I have set up an extensive network allowing for the possibility that part of these safeguards will be thwarted. In the event that I am silenced, there will be an investigation.
To be continued.....
Part 3
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
A Brief Change in Direction
I need to interrupt this series on Questions, Lots of Questions that I've been running. My timing was not good here. There are important things happening in the world of satanism and even more importantly to those who are trying to free themselves from the grasp of that darkness. While it is important to be answering questions and enlightening people, it is equally important to be on top of things.
To some who are reading this blog, this is probably obvious because they are dealing with the inner turmoil the holiday brings . But this information is still unknown to those who are learning about this perversion for the first time. I think it serves both types of readers to address this situation when it is most timely. So here it goes.
Right now is the very worst time of year for anyone who has been touched by satanism. It is not just the approaching date of Oct 31 that is the problem. The celebration of Halloween for the practicing satanist is not just one day. This holiday is a marathon of evil that lasts two weeks long.
The rituals have been going on for days. It is a building process. The darkness of the rituals will build to the culmination tomorrow night. Only when the sun rises on All Saints Day will the evil stop. The satanists will be driven back into the darkness when the saints reclaim the mother earth and their victims will be allowed to go home.
This is the belief system upon which they operate. But you need to know that they are working for the day that there is so much evil in the world that the saints can no longer reclaim it. Their goal is to convert over enough of humankind that the Savior falls. To this end, they are continually looking for new victims and making sure they do not lose the ones they have.
For anyone who has been touched by satanism, the pull begins the beginning of Oct. With each passing day, it grows stronger and stronger. Inner programming is trying to assert itself to bring the victim back to the cult to participate in the greatest of all holidays.
Victims who have been living normal lives most of the time, will feel the tug to return. If they don't respond and release the participating personality, they will be consumed with depression. Enveloped in a stifling darkness that is designed to overpower them and return them to the dark side. If they don't, they will be in grave danger from within. If they do, they will be victimized yet again.
Each of these victims has been programmed with an enforcer. The role of the enforcer is to protect the secrets and the cult and to get the survivor back to the cult whenever she/he is supposed to be there. There are preset triggers, including ignoring programming, that signal and enforcer to begin assaulting the victim. These triggers, their timetable etc are all determined by the role the victim plays within the cult's structure.
These enforcer assaults can take many forms including self mutilation, self medicating, psychological assaults and suicide. Most victims who have awareness of the enforcer's existence within are far enough along in their recovery to be frightened and seeking help. Others may not have a clue that they are being assaulted. All they know is how they feel and that is, they want to be dead!
Notice I didn't say "die," I said "be dead." It has been my experience with survivors that they characteristically make the distinction between the two. They want to "be dead" and have it over with. They don't want more pain or "to die" they just want a resolution. The only resolution that seems possible for them is to "be dead." It is an interesting distinction to say the least.
Many times this great pain inflicted by an enforcer will cause the multiple to switch personalities to weaker personalities. The stronger controlling personalities have become so exhausted trying to cope they have run out of ideas and can be seduced into relinquishing control thinking they are doing what is safe for them when they are really playing right into the hands of their programmers.
It is turning the body over to the weaker personalities that opens the doors for the cult personality to be freed. The weaker personalities are easily intimidated and have difficulty maintaining control on their own. Switches can happen often causing more chaos and a further downward spiral. It is from this chaos that the participating personality (or personalities) can be unleashed. Once that happens the body can be returned to the cult to be victimized again.
For those reading this blog and learning about these issues for the first time, I know that this may all sound surreal. How can it possibly be? Yet, as I have suggested in my recent comments, if you were to follow some of the comments of readers back to their sources, you will find people involved in this very struggle. Others I have found looking through my stats. I assure you they are out there, survivors fighting for their very lives. And if you look closely, you will see that they are coming from around the globe.
These people reading my blog are seeking answers. Some way to understand what is happening to them. Some help finding protection. Any hint to help them survive their enforcers.Some way to be freed from this yearly assault. Anything at all that will relieve their pain and keep them alive. What they need is some hope and some prayers from those of you who can.
It's obvious that satanism is not going to be stopped overnight or even anytime soon. It is the oldest struggle on earth and yet it has been the most hidden. Many choose to see it as the ravings of religious fanatics or lunatics and deny its existence. That denial is what gives it the power to be such a force in the world.
For those that are out there struggling to be freed from its clutches, I would ask that my other readers please think of them. Pray for them or send them light or well or whatever it is that you do for those who need help. Because I assure you they need all of the help and support they can get.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
To some who are reading this blog, this is probably obvious because they are dealing with the inner turmoil the holiday brings . But this information is still unknown to those who are learning about this perversion for the first time. I think it serves both types of readers to address this situation when it is most timely. So here it goes.
Right now is the very worst time of year for anyone who has been touched by satanism. It is not just the approaching date of Oct 31 that is the problem. The celebration of Halloween for the practicing satanist is not just one day. This holiday is a marathon of evil that lasts two weeks long.
The rituals have been going on for days. It is a building process. The darkness of the rituals will build to the culmination tomorrow night. Only when the sun rises on All Saints Day will the evil stop. The satanists will be driven back into the darkness when the saints reclaim the mother earth and their victims will be allowed to go home.
This is the belief system upon which they operate. But you need to know that they are working for the day that there is so much evil in the world that the saints can no longer reclaim it. Their goal is to convert over enough of humankind that the Savior falls. To this end, they are continually looking for new victims and making sure they do not lose the ones they have.
For anyone who has been touched by satanism, the pull begins the beginning of Oct. With each passing day, it grows stronger and stronger. Inner programming is trying to assert itself to bring the victim back to the cult to participate in the greatest of all holidays.
Victims who have been living normal lives most of the time, will feel the tug to return. If they don't respond and release the participating personality, they will be consumed with depression. Enveloped in a stifling darkness that is designed to overpower them and return them to the dark side. If they don't, they will be in grave danger from within. If they do, they will be victimized yet again.
Each of these victims has been programmed with an enforcer. The role of the enforcer is to protect the secrets and the cult and to get the survivor back to the cult whenever she/he is supposed to be there. There are preset triggers, including ignoring programming, that signal and enforcer to begin assaulting the victim. These triggers, their timetable etc are all determined by the role the victim plays within the cult's structure.
These enforcer assaults can take many forms including self mutilation, self medicating, psychological assaults and suicide. Most victims who have awareness of the enforcer's existence within are far enough along in their recovery to be frightened and seeking help. Others may not have a clue that they are being assaulted. All they know is how they feel and that is, they want to be dead!
Notice I didn't say "die," I said "be dead." It has been my experience with survivors that they characteristically make the distinction between the two. They want to "be dead" and have it over with. They don't want more pain or "to die" they just want a resolution. The only resolution that seems possible for them is to "be dead." It is an interesting distinction to say the least.
Many times this great pain inflicted by an enforcer will cause the multiple to switch personalities to weaker personalities. The stronger controlling personalities have become so exhausted trying to cope they have run out of ideas and can be seduced into relinquishing control thinking they are doing what is safe for them when they are really playing right into the hands of their programmers.
It is turning the body over to the weaker personalities that opens the doors for the cult personality to be freed. The weaker personalities are easily intimidated and have difficulty maintaining control on their own. Switches can happen often causing more chaos and a further downward spiral. It is from this chaos that the participating personality (or personalities) can be unleashed. Once that happens the body can be returned to the cult to be victimized again.
For those reading this blog and learning about these issues for the first time, I know that this may all sound surreal. How can it possibly be? Yet, as I have suggested in my recent comments, if you were to follow some of the comments of readers back to their sources, you will find people involved in this very struggle. Others I have found looking through my stats. I assure you they are out there, survivors fighting for their very lives. And if you look closely, you will see that they are coming from around the globe.
These people reading my blog are seeking answers. Some way to understand what is happening to them. Some help finding protection. Any hint to help them survive their enforcers.Some way to be freed from this yearly assault. Anything at all that will relieve their pain and keep them alive. What they need is some hope and some prayers from those of you who can.
It's obvious that satanism is not going to be stopped overnight or even anytime soon. It is the oldest struggle on earth and yet it has been the most hidden. Many choose to see it as the ravings of religious fanatics or lunatics and deny its existence. That denial is what gives it the power to be such a force in the world.
For those that are out there struggling to be freed from its clutches, I would ask that my other readers please think of them. Pray for them or send them light or well or whatever it is that you do for those who need help. Because I assure you they need all of the help and support they can get.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Monday, October 29, 2007
Questions, Lots of Questions
arthist99 from Gorilla Wordfare had questions that she posted in a comment on the post,Dealing with Black Alters I answered that I would do a post with the answers since I'm sure others must be wondering about the same kinds of things.
I want to start off by saying that these people had extensive resources. From the beginning I was told (as are all survivors) even if you tell, no one will believe you. And we will know that you have told because we have people everywhere, the police, the fire fighters, the doctors, the schools, the hospitals etc. There is nowhere you can go that we will not be able to know and find you. Then we will really make you pay.
With those kinds of threats, even if a multiple did have a personality that knew about the abuse emerge out in the real world, the odds are that personality would never have the courage to disclose and would hide any injuries to avoid detection. Personalities that didn't know might be totally oblivious to any injuries as part of their self protection. I know it sounds odd, but the mind is a powerful thing and it will do what it has to to survive.
So here are the questions:
Q: How did children receive injuries and not get treated for them?
A: Unfortunately many children were disposable, treating them was not even a consideration. Others were treated only if absolutely necessary. Doctors and nurses were included as part of the membership so their services were available if deemed necessary.
Q:How could parents hide scars and incorrectly healed broken bones once the children were school-age?
A: I can't speak to other survivors particulars because we've not discussed their specific details in regards to this question. But for me, my dislocations were re-located before I was sent home. The only broken bones I ever suffered where in my feet. My feet look ok externally but the damage shows up on x-rays. I don't remember if I was returned home before or after the bones had healed. But I doubt that anyone in my 'regular life' knew I ever had broken bones in my feet. Although I have always had a problem with pain from shoes, and a one point I had to wear braces on my feet. That was explained as an abnormality in the way my foot developed. However, that didn't happen until I was seven. Odd that I didn't have that problem before then.
Q: How can a child die from abuse and no one seem to wonder what happened?
A: Children that were killed by the cult came from different places. Some were raised internally solely for that purpose, particularly infants, but there were older internal children too. Babies that were never born in hospitals and documented.
There were women whose role in the cult was as a breeder to provide children for the cult whether those were infants for sacrifice or slaves. It's my understanding that many of the female ritualistic abuse survivors who have sought help have disclosed being used as breeders.
As for society not noticing, even today, there are stories on the news of children found who have been locked away and tortured by their parents or caregivers for years. The only reason we know this abuse occurred is because the children were found. The cult makes sure the children are never found.
I know people are horrified when these stories come to light. They wonder how a parent could do such horrible things to their child They wonder how the neighbors didn't notice. But it happens. Again I'll state we know because they find those children. The proof is in those stories.
While I can understand people wanting to believe it's just not possible, I know that humans are capable of great cruelty, depravity and ingenuity. I know the world seems like a safer place not believing this kind of stuff happens, but that safety is an illusion. Lots of people live outside the law and some are more depraved than others.
There were other sources of children as well. The homeless have always been easy prey and so have been the children of druggies. Children were also bought on the black market for the cult's purposes.
Q:The "bodies in the woods" you spoke of - did the authorities ever go looking for those missing children?
A: Not that I am aware of. However, I did make a report to the police as an adult. I also returned with two of my therapists to the approximate site where the bodies were dumped. It was clear from the geography of the land and the climate there that bodies would have deteriorated rapidly. That area is still overgrown woods to this day.
Q: How did those people keep others from noticing?
A: Battered children hide their injuries. And families who engage in abuse of any kind, tend to keep to themselves. "If you don't socialize with the neighbors, they won't notice" seems to be the belief. Families involved in satanism take that to even farther degrees.
In my family we were always warned that the neighbors were dangerous. We weren't to tell them anything about or family or our family might be broken up. As much as abused children want to be safe, they want to be safe with their families. The thought of being taken from family is a frightening as the abuse itself.
I think that anti-social behavior tends to make the neighbors think you're weird. I think they just write the irregularities they see off to that weirdness and pay it not mind.
to be continued...........
Part 2
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
I want to start off by saying that these people had extensive resources. From the beginning I was told (as are all survivors) even if you tell, no one will believe you. And we will know that you have told because we have people everywhere, the police, the fire fighters, the doctors, the schools, the hospitals etc. There is nowhere you can go that we will not be able to know and find you. Then we will really make you pay.
With those kinds of threats, even if a multiple did have a personality that knew about the abuse emerge out in the real world, the odds are that personality would never have the courage to disclose and would hide any injuries to avoid detection. Personalities that didn't know might be totally oblivious to any injuries as part of their self protection. I know it sounds odd, but the mind is a powerful thing and it will do what it has to to survive.
So here are the questions:
Q: How did children receive injuries and not get treated for them?
A: Unfortunately many children were disposable, treating them was not even a consideration. Others were treated only if absolutely necessary. Doctors and nurses were included as part of the membership so their services were available if deemed necessary.
Q:How could parents hide scars and incorrectly healed broken bones once the children were school-age?
A: I can't speak to other survivors particulars because we've not discussed their specific details in regards to this question. But for me, my dislocations were re-located before I was sent home. The only broken bones I ever suffered where in my feet. My feet look ok externally but the damage shows up on x-rays. I don't remember if I was returned home before or after the bones had healed. But I doubt that anyone in my 'regular life' knew I ever had broken bones in my feet. Although I have always had a problem with pain from shoes, and a one point I had to wear braces on my feet. That was explained as an abnormality in the way my foot developed. However, that didn't happen until I was seven. Odd that I didn't have that problem before then.
Q: How can a child die from abuse and no one seem to wonder what happened?
A: Children that were killed by the cult came from different places. Some were raised internally solely for that purpose, particularly infants, but there were older internal children too. Babies that were never born in hospitals and documented.
There were women whose role in the cult was as a breeder to provide children for the cult whether those were infants for sacrifice or slaves. It's my understanding that many of the female ritualistic abuse survivors who have sought help have disclosed being used as breeders.
As for society not noticing, even today, there are stories on the news of children found who have been locked away and tortured by their parents or caregivers for years. The only reason we know this abuse occurred is because the children were found. The cult makes sure the children are never found.
I know people are horrified when these stories come to light. They wonder how a parent could do such horrible things to their child They wonder how the neighbors didn't notice. But it happens. Again I'll state we know because they find those children. The proof is in those stories.
While I can understand people wanting to believe it's just not possible, I know that humans are capable of great cruelty, depravity and ingenuity. I know the world seems like a safer place not believing this kind of stuff happens, but that safety is an illusion. Lots of people live outside the law and some are more depraved than others.
There were other sources of children as well. The homeless have always been easy prey and so have been the children of druggies. Children were also bought on the black market for the cult's purposes.
Q:The "bodies in the woods" you spoke of - did the authorities ever go looking for those missing children?
A: Not that I am aware of. However, I did make a report to the police as an adult. I also returned with two of my therapists to the approximate site where the bodies were dumped. It was clear from the geography of the land and the climate there that bodies would have deteriorated rapidly. That area is still overgrown woods to this day.
Q: How did those people keep others from noticing?
A: Battered children hide their injuries. And families who engage in abuse of any kind, tend to keep to themselves. "If you don't socialize with the neighbors, they won't notice" seems to be the belief. Families involved in satanism take that to even farther degrees.
In my family we were always warned that the neighbors were dangerous. We weren't to tell them anything about or family or our family might be broken up. As much as abused children want to be safe, they want to be safe with their families. The thought of being taken from family is a frightening as the abuse itself.
I think that anti-social behavior tends to make the neighbors think you're weird. I think they just write the irregularities they see off to that weirdness and pay it not mind.
to be continued...........
Part 2
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Sunday, October 28, 2007
For Fallen Angels and Sacrificial Lambs Everywhere - Part 3
Fallen Angels
Take into account is the symbolism of the ritual itself. Most organized religions practice rituals of one kind or another. Many small children are familiar with the existence of these rituals. Even if they don't participate in a religious nature, they see them on tv and in movies.
The use of rituals in and of themselves carry powerful messages and consequences to small children. They get that this is about hurting God. They get that it is about making the devil stronger. They carry that responsibility, even though it is not truly theirs to carry.
The sacrifice has been perverted for a powerful reasons. It not only carries a message to the child but to the other participants of the cult. These practices not only convince the child that she/he somehow deserves this treatment but contributes to keeping the adult participants trapped in a culture most of them were indoctrinated into in a manner similar to this child.
If you haven't thought about the significance of the blood in this scenario, do! Just as the body and blood of Christ are significant to Christianity, warping it and turning it into something vile and evil is significant to satanism. These elements are essential to building the belief that the behavior is unforgivable.
There are a number of things here that have happened that help to put a further hold over the psyche of the child. Remember that these rituals are not just to torture the child but to take over control of that child's mind so the cult can control her participation in the group.
The first of these powerful forces is guilt. Sometimes the child has been led to believe that this sacrifice was done in her/his honor. But even if that particular leverage hasn't been applied, the sheer fact the child has "participated' in such an event holds immense guilt. The child has now been convinced that she/her is really, really bad. This ensures her silence and isolates her from others. Necessary ingredients in the manipulation of a child's mind.
Next is the powerlessness. We all hate to feel powerless. However, to be so overcome that even who you are as a human being becomes compromised is the ultimate humiliation and shame. Being rendered completely powerless all rolled up in a neat little package with humiliation and shame are huge tools in the arsenal of mind control.
Then there is the mystery surrounding the unknown figure. Every thing points to take figure having supernatural powers. The child is led to believe that he/she can get to her/him without even being present. What more compelling a way to ensure loyalty than to cause someone to believe there is NO WAY you can escape my power.
There is no way the mind of a child can sort through this kind of an experience. The only possible course of action is to hide it away as deeply as possible. Yet it's very presence plays an enormous role in the developing child's life, altering the way that child now views herself/himself. This one encounter has totally brainwashed the child into believing that she has become a child of the devil. She/he may not know at this point that satanism is the name of the game but she/he has been convinced that she is evil. Unfortunately this is just round one.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Take into account is the symbolism of the ritual itself. Most organized religions practice rituals of one kind or another. Many small children are familiar with the existence of these rituals. Even if they don't participate in a religious nature, they see them on tv and in movies.
The use of rituals in and of themselves carry powerful messages and consequences to small children. They get that this is about hurting God. They get that it is about making the devil stronger. They carry that responsibility, even though it is not truly theirs to carry.
The sacrifice has been perverted for a powerful reasons. It not only carries a message to the child but to the other participants of the cult. These practices not only convince the child that she/he somehow deserves this treatment but contributes to keeping the adult participants trapped in a culture most of them were indoctrinated into in a manner similar to this child.
If you haven't thought about the significance of the blood in this scenario, do! Just as the body and blood of Christ are significant to Christianity, warping it and turning it into something vile and evil is significant to satanism. These elements are essential to building the belief that the behavior is unforgivable.
There are a number of things here that have happened that help to put a further hold over the psyche of the child. Remember that these rituals are not just to torture the child but to take over control of that child's mind so the cult can control her participation in the group.
The first of these powerful forces is guilt. Sometimes the child has been led to believe that this sacrifice was done in her/his honor. But even if that particular leverage hasn't been applied, the sheer fact the child has "participated' in such an event holds immense guilt. The child has now been convinced that she/her is really, really bad. This ensures her silence and isolates her from others. Necessary ingredients in the manipulation of a child's mind.
Next is the powerlessness. We all hate to feel powerless. However, to be so overcome that even who you are as a human being becomes compromised is the ultimate humiliation and shame. Being rendered completely powerless all rolled up in a neat little package with humiliation and shame are huge tools in the arsenal of mind control.
Then there is the mystery surrounding the unknown figure. Every thing points to take figure having supernatural powers. The child is led to believe that he/she can get to her/him without even being present. What more compelling a way to ensure loyalty than to cause someone to believe there is NO WAY you can escape my power.
There is no way the mind of a child can sort through this kind of an experience. The only possible course of action is to hide it away as deeply as possible. Yet it's very presence plays an enormous role in the developing child's life, altering the way that child now views herself/himself. This one encounter has totally brainwashed the child into believing that she has become a child of the devil. She/he may not know at this point that satanism is the name of the game but she/he has been convinced that she is evil. Unfortunately this is just round one.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Saturday, October 27, 2007
For Fallen Angels and Sacrificial Lambs Everywhere Part 2
*Note This post has explicit or graphic content.
Part 1
For many cult survivors, their rescue from the "grave" is short lived. From there they are taken to the scene of a ritual where they are to become part of the offering.Victims describe people in dark hooded robes, chanting, smoke. Usually the child will relay feeling dizzy and disoriented (probably from the drink she/he was given upon removal from the grave.)
Many times the children see or hear the torture and sacrifice of a small animal of some kind. Sometimes it is the sacrifice of a human infant (this depends on the ranking in the cult this child is to take as an adult). In this instance Fallen Angels heard a small animal screaming. For me, it was an infant. ( I will speak later as to where these infants come from)
Of course by now, the child is crying and screaming uncontrollably. The rescuer's job is to silence the child, usually with a slap across the face, shaking or some other physical assault. The child is admonished not to cry. "You must never, never cry. You must never make a single sound, no matter what we do to you." The message is loud and clear. Stop or you go back to your grave.....this time it might just be permanently.
The sooner the child can be taught to be emotionless, the better off the cult is. Swallowing feelings down causes individuals to dissociate from themselves. The more disconnected we get from our humanity, the easier it is to perpetuate violence against others. The role of satanism is clearly to render human beings into monsters. A big step toward that goal is disconnecting them from their emotions
The child is placed on a stone cold slab or altar of some kind. By this time the drug has taken full effect and the child has been rendered immobile. The adults participating in this ritual remove the blood from the sacrifice (and sometimes specific organs) and "anoint" the newly reborn child.
Many victims recall this as feeling some warm liquid, others know for sure that it is blood. Many times the child is written upon with the sacrificial blood with many cult members retracing satanic symbols on the child's naked body as she/her is dedicated to the devil. Again the goal of this behavior is to instill abject horror in the child. Fallen Angel describes being laid on a cold slab maybe concrete. For me it was an elaborate marble alter.
While this is being done, another figure emerges from the darkness. This one clothed in a different colored robe, sometimes white, sometimes red. The figure commands respect, can be holding a scepter or staff that is usually carved or imprinted with snakes. The details of this figure's dress and appointments and also what he/she does with the victim are clues to his/her ranking in the organization.
This figure addresses the group speaking an unfamiliar language while raping the child with the staff. The child cannot understand what the figure is saying yet all participants listen intently. Even though the child is being raped, she/he is unaware because she/he can feel nothing because the drug that has immobilized her/him has also anaesthetised her/him.
When the figure finally departs it is usually mysteriously. Usually the drug will begin to wear off about the same time as the figure disappears, leaving the child experiencing the sensations of having been raped. The child has no way of comprehending that the actual act happened earlier when the robed figure was there. Instead she/he believes it is happening when she/he experiences the pain. This further adds to the mysterious power of this strange figure.
To be continued............
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Part 1
For many cult survivors, their rescue from the "grave" is short lived. From there they are taken to the scene of a ritual where they are to become part of the offering.Victims describe people in dark hooded robes, chanting, smoke. Usually the child will relay feeling dizzy and disoriented (probably from the drink she/he was given upon removal from the grave.)
Many times the children see or hear the torture and sacrifice of a small animal of some kind. Sometimes it is the sacrifice of a human infant (this depends on the ranking in the cult this child is to take as an adult). In this instance Fallen Angels heard a small animal screaming. For me, it was an infant. ( I will speak later as to where these infants come from)
Of course by now, the child is crying and screaming uncontrollably. The rescuer's job is to silence the child, usually with a slap across the face, shaking or some other physical assault. The child is admonished not to cry. "You must never, never cry. You must never make a single sound, no matter what we do to you." The message is loud and clear. Stop or you go back to your grave.....this time it might just be permanently.
The sooner the child can be taught to be emotionless, the better off the cult is. Swallowing feelings down causes individuals to dissociate from themselves. The more disconnected we get from our humanity, the easier it is to perpetuate violence against others. The role of satanism is clearly to render human beings into monsters. A big step toward that goal is disconnecting them from their emotions
The child is placed on a stone cold slab or altar of some kind. By this time the drug has taken full effect and the child has been rendered immobile. The adults participating in this ritual remove the blood from the sacrifice (and sometimes specific organs) and "anoint" the newly reborn child.
Many victims recall this as feeling some warm liquid, others know for sure that it is blood. Many times the child is written upon with the sacrificial blood with many cult members retracing satanic symbols on the child's naked body as she/her is dedicated to the devil. Again the goal of this behavior is to instill abject horror in the child. Fallen Angel describes being laid on a cold slab maybe concrete. For me it was an elaborate marble alter.
While this is being done, another figure emerges from the darkness. This one clothed in a different colored robe, sometimes white, sometimes red. The figure commands respect, can be holding a scepter or staff that is usually carved or imprinted with snakes. The details of this figure's dress and appointments and also what he/she does with the victim are clues to his/her ranking in the organization.
This figure addresses the group speaking an unfamiliar language while raping the child with the staff. The child cannot understand what the figure is saying yet all participants listen intently. Even though the child is being raped, she/he is unaware because she/he can feel nothing because the drug that has immobilized her/him has also anaesthetised her/him.
When the figure finally departs it is usually mysteriously. Usually the drug will begin to wear off about the same time as the figure disappears, leaving the child experiencing the sensations of having been raped. The child has no way of comprehending that the actual act happened earlier when the robed figure was there. Instead she/he believes it is happening when she/he experiences the pain. This further adds to the mysterious power of this strange figure.
To be continued............
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Friday, October 26, 2007
For Fallen Angels and Sacrificial Lambs Everywhere
*Note This post has explicit or graphic content.
Fallen Angels asked in a comment on my post, Halloween from a Cult Survivor if I would read a blog post, My Nightmare, she made two years ago. I believe from her request that Fallen Angels is struggling with accepting this as a memory and hoping it is "nothing more" than a nightmare.
I commented on that post, that what she portrayed was not just familiar to me but to others as well. Then I clarified that by others I didn't mean others inside me but other survivors of ritualistic abuse. I know a lot about survivors and their stories. It is part of what helped me to heal.
Specifically, I have had personal contact with four survivors, three in therapeutic situations and one I met at a town hall meeting on childhood abuse. In addition I have worked with a cult deprogrammer and others involved with ritual abuse victims and survivors. During the time I was working on healing from my abuse I was quite active in finding information to help me better understand the horrific events I was remembering and for validation, just like Fallen Angels is seeking now.
During that process, I encountered several individuals who were at the forefront of the disclosure of ritualistic abuse at the time. They appeared on talk shows and at seminars and meetings around the country. Those people considered me to be THE most knowledgeable survivor they had encountered. These "experts" told me personally, that I was far more knowledgeable than they were. My story filled in the blanks and gave them a thorough understanding of something that had only been bits and pieces.
With that being said, I will tell you what I know about the programming that is done to the victims as how it relates to Fallen Angels post and to my story. First, let me explain that the programming is a necessary part of this abuse.
In order for the perpetrators to go undetected they must be guaranteed of total silence from their victims. There is no way they could continue to do what they do, if there victims would go home and tell the neighbors, clergy, anyone. So to insure this silence the offenders engage in a complete and consistent form or brain washing or mind control.
Some experts even believe that it is part of the goal of this programming to produce multiple personality disorder (now called Dissociative Identity Disorder) in the victims. Because MPD or DID insures the memories will be locked away from the consciousness and still guide the victim's life and decisions, it is an effective cloak of silence. Those memories and programming will be readily accessible to the cult with pre-set triggers so they can access on demand the personality they wish to employ while still protecting their secrets.
Multiples even today are rarely diagnosed correctly. They are commonly misdiagnosed as schizophrenic or bi polar and others. Most are drugged and many spend long periods of time in mental institutions. Because of these faulty diagnosis, multiples are hardly listened to and even more rarely believed. The stories they tell are considered to be lunacy.
Fallen Angels dream entails specific methods used by cult members to begin the programming process. Repeatedly survivors across the country and even around the world, have relayed stories of being taken from a trusted adult, given over to strangers and being "buried alive" naked in some form or another. The typical age of the child to be indoctrinated would be anywhere between two to seven years of age. Fallen Angels was taken at four. I was taken at age two.
This experience where the child is put into a "grave" or hole is usually the first step in the indoctrination. The child is buried alive or the whole covered over the top and left there alone with no food or water for days. Also part of this assault is to have creepy things crawling on the child. Those things could be anything from bugs, spiders, and worms to snakes. Anything that will trigger abject horror in the child. For Fallen Angels this torture was spiders and other crawling bugs for me it was snakes, hundreds of snakes.
During the time the child is "buried," one of the perpetrators will return from time to time asking if the child wants out. When the answer is "Yes." the child is left in the grave. When the child finally answers "No" she/he is removed from the hole. Usually upon being removed from the hole, the child is given something to drink. It's never described as water. The common belief is that it is a drug of some kind.
There are three subtle things that have happened here that play a huge part in the picture cult programming paints in the victim's mind. The first of these is about opposites. The right answer is the opposite of what a normal person would think it would be. The only way for the child to be removed from the hole was to say she/he wanted to stay in the hole.
This black is white programming is consistent throughout cult programming. It's effects are pervasive. To this day when under duress, I immediately seek to be alone and push all help away. It is a message I hadn't even realized belonged to my past experiences until I was writing this post. The importance of this to the cult, an isolated victim is more vulnerable.
Next is the dichotomy of being buried only to resurrect later from the grave. Satanism is loaded with such opposites to Christianity. Over and over it's teachings are exact opposites to the teachings of Jesus Christ. Many are intended to demean the Savior and honor the dark one. It is signature satanism.
The third part of the programming is that the offender who removes the child from this grave has now become this child's savior. The child may be reminded of that then or later in their programming, "We are the ones who saved you! We are the ones who care about you." It is a powerful and controlling message. Do what I want and I'll save you. Don't and I can make your life a living hell.
To be continued............
Part 2
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
Fallen Angels asked in a comment on my post, Halloween from a Cult Survivor if I would read a blog post, My Nightmare, she made two years ago. I believe from her request that Fallen Angels is struggling with accepting this as a memory and hoping it is "nothing more" than a nightmare.
I commented on that post, that what she portrayed was not just familiar to me but to others as well. Then I clarified that by others I didn't mean others inside me but other survivors of ritualistic abuse. I know a lot about survivors and their stories. It is part of what helped me to heal.
Specifically, I have had personal contact with four survivors, three in therapeutic situations and one I met at a town hall meeting on childhood abuse. In addition I have worked with a cult deprogrammer and others involved with ritual abuse victims and survivors. During the time I was working on healing from my abuse I was quite active in finding information to help me better understand the horrific events I was remembering and for validation, just like Fallen Angels is seeking now.
During that process, I encountered several individuals who were at the forefront of the disclosure of ritualistic abuse at the time. They appeared on talk shows and at seminars and meetings around the country. Those people considered me to be THE most knowledgeable survivor they had encountered. These "experts" told me personally, that I was far more knowledgeable than they were. My story filled in the blanks and gave them a thorough understanding of something that had only been bits and pieces.
With that being said, I will tell you what I know about the programming that is done to the victims as how it relates to Fallen Angels post and to my story. First, let me explain that the programming is a necessary part of this abuse.
In order for the perpetrators to go undetected they must be guaranteed of total silence from their victims. There is no way they could continue to do what they do, if there victims would go home and tell the neighbors, clergy, anyone. So to insure this silence the offenders engage in a complete and consistent form or brain washing or mind control.
Some experts even believe that it is part of the goal of this programming to produce multiple personality disorder (now called Dissociative Identity Disorder) in the victims. Because MPD or DID insures the memories will be locked away from the consciousness and still guide the victim's life and decisions, it is an effective cloak of silence. Those memories and programming will be readily accessible to the cult with pre-set triggers so they can access on demand the personality they wish to employ while still protecting their secrets.
Multiples even today are rarely diagnosed correctly. They are commonly misdiagnosed as schizophrenic or bi polar and others. Most are drugged and many spend long periods of time in mental institutions. Because of these faulty diagnosis, multiples are hardly listened to and even more rarely believed. The stories they tell are considered to be lunacy.
Fallen Angels dream entails specific methods used by cult members to begin the programming process. Repeatedly survivors across the country and even around the world, have relayed stories of being taken from a trusted adult, given over to strangers and being "buried alive" naked in some form or another. The typical age of the child to be indoctrinated would be anywhere between two to seven years of age. Fallen Angels was taken at four. I was taken at age two.
This experience where the child is put into a "grave" or hole is usually the first step in the indoctrination. The child is buried alive or the whole covered over the top and left there alone with no food or water for days. Also part of this assault is to have creepy things crawling on the child. Those things could be anything from bugs, spiders, and worms to snakes. Anything that will trigger abject horror in the child. For Fallen Angels this torture was spiders and other crawling bugs for me it was snakes, hundreds of snakes.
During the time the child is "buried," one of the perpetrators will return from time to time asking if the child wants out. When the answer is "Yes." the child is left in the grave. When the child finally answers "No" she/he is removed from the hole. Usually upon being removed from the hole, the child is given something to drink. It's never described as water. The common belief is that it is a drug of some kind.
There are three subtle things that have happened here that play a huge part in the picture cult programming paints in the victim's mind. The first of these is about opposites. The right answer is the opposite of what a normal person would think it would be. The only way for the child to be removed from the hole was to say she/he wanted to stay in the hole.
This black is white programming is consistent throughout cult programming. It's effects are pervasive. To this day when under duress, I immediately seek to be alone and push all help away. It is a message I hadn't even realized belonged to my past experiences until I was writing this post. The importance of this to the cult, an isolated victim is more vulnerable.
Next is the dichotomy of being buried only to resurrect later from the grave. Satanism is loaded with such opposites to Christianity. Over and over it's teachings are exact opposites to the teachings of Jesus Christ. Many are intended to demean the Savior and honor the dark one. It is signature satanism.
The third part of the programming is that the offender who removes the child from this grave has now become this child's savior. The child may be reminded of that then or later in their programming, "We are the ones who saved you! We are the ones who care about you." It is a powerful and controlling message. Do what I want and I'll save you. Don't and I can make your life a living hell.
To be continued............
Part 2
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism
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