Tuesday, January 1, 2008

New Year's Arrived Now Let's Get On with It!

Well, the new year has arrived and it feels much the same as yesterday. It's always seemed funny to me that people can put such stock in the flip of a page on a calendar.

I understand the concept of new beginnings and such. I think the motivation behind those thoughts are admirable. But the facts are they are only thoughts. Many people never get past the romanticism long enough to get into some real actions.

For me, I tend to look at such events as new years, anniversaries and birthdays, just as another measure of time. Since I'm the type of person who seems to lose track of time (not the same as loosing time lol) it's good for me to have a frame of reference that a week or a month has gone by.

Otherwise time just seems to race by and I haven't a clue how much has really passed. That can cause problems with actually getting some things done. I do ok with the day to day stuff but bigger projects can get pushed right up to the wire or missed altogether.

Having particular dates to remind me, helps to but that passage of time into a more accurate perspective. It can help me so I don't miss important deadlines or push a project right up to the last minute because I lost track of time.

To help me with the things I would like to accomplish this year, I have to work at putting them into some kind of chronological reference. Knowing what obstacles I might need to overcome will also help decide what kind of steps I take in this journey and how timing should be employed.

For example, before I can get going on my book, I have to dig out the boxes that have all of my journals, artwork and notes in them. That in and off itself is going to be a big project that I have already started. What helps to keep me focused on that project is the fact it leads to being able to start the one I really want to get going.

Parts of me are dreading working on my book. Doing so is bound to bring up more memories and other painful stuff. But we've already decided that the timing for this is now. My mother died last Valentine's Day and we knew that would bring with it lots of junk. So instead of being afraid of it, we've embraced the opportunity to work this through for once and for all.

So for me, New Year's Day reminds me that Valentine's Day will not be far behind. Since that will be the one year anniversary of our mother's death, we can think of no more perfect way to celebrate than to bring those old boxes out into the open and be ready to work on our book.

Working on this blog has been another way to deal with my mother's death. It's given me the opportunity to start out slowly in reopening these old wounds of mine and to get myself acclimated to processing this kind of work again.

I think the work I have done on the blog thus far has gotten me to that place where I am ready to tackle the book. Daily posting here will keep me focused on my goal and bring me some support when I need it.

I'm really looking forward to putting my mother into her final perspective with my system. I'll be finishing off whatever illusions might be left and tying up lots of loose end and hopefully, I'll be contributing a helpful reference for victims of ritual abuse and satanism.


Lizzy in the Burbs said...

Hi Mikael,

Thanks so much for leaving your comment on my blog, I love to hear from new people! Your blog is very, very interesting. I was just reading your last several posts, my goodness, sounds like you've been through so much. I'm sorry about your mom passing. Anniversaries (especially the first one) are difficult. I think what you're doing, writing a book about your experiences and trying to enlighten and help others is really admirable. You must be one busy woman with all these projects going and raising horses, too! What an awesome job you have, I'm a teensy bit jealous working with those beautiful animals! Take care and I'll be back to read some more and see how you're doing. Hope you'll stop by and leave me some more comments, too! Lizzy

Fallen Angels said...

Hi Rising...you will let everyone know when the book is ready for purchase? I know thats a was off but we are interested in adding it to our library.

A while back I commented about a specific bday being immediatel followed by a ver dark time...a years worth of dark time actually. That bday was when the body turned 36...we have some thoughts and feelings on the number but wonder if we are reading more into it than is actually there. I am not certain but I think JIP is 2 years younger in body than we...which means she turned 36 in the last bday.


Rising Rainbow said...

Lizzy, thanks for visiting two of my blog. I'm glad that you find this one interesting. I enjoyed your blog as well and will be back.

fallen angels, you are right about the age. It was a dark year for you at age 36 and this year JIP is 36 and it has been a very dark year for her. This is not coincidence. It is a result of programming. You are not reading more into it than is there.

Kahless said...

Hi RR,

Well I am real glad that you are not going to stop blogging to make time for writing your book!

You are right, new year is just another day, but I for one am going to go into work this morning determined to be organised for a chnage. I let you know how it goes lol !!!

And it sounds like you have prepared your self as best as you can for tackling what may come up with regard to your mother. If you struggle, dont forget to let your blogfriends know and we will support you.

Lily Strange said...

My co-worker asked me yesterday how it felt to be in the new year. I was just trying to stay awake after having been working all night and I mumbled something about it being an arbitrary measure of time. It's kind of funny what polar opposites this particular co-worker and I are. She's very high-strung and always bustling about and trying to appear chipper. I tend to be more laid back and kind of a curmudgeon. It's probably a good thing we don't have to work together other than at shift change. I don't hate her, but her personality would make me start wanting to stuff her down a laundry chute with over-exposure.
I believe that anybody who wants to write a book can write one. But the dumbest thing I ever heard is that a full novel can be written in the space of a month. This was something a therapist (who may have been a bigger mess than I was) told me. I said "yeah, maybe, but not a good one!" I look forward to hearing about your process and progress.

Jenni said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. I find so many interesting new blogs when people comment and leave a link to their blog.

This most recent post is the only one I've read so far, but I really like what you have said here. From this post and what you've written in the sidebar, it seems you have a very good perspective on your past. I'm glad you are dealing with that past rather than allowing it to continue to have a hold on you. I pray that you find the peace you're searching for and wish you well on your journey into light.

Anonymous said...

i, too, am glad you are going to continue to blog. writing is important, even if that means writing a book and then venting/talking through the blog.

you are in my thoughts, and there are a few too, and know that i have found this blog ... well, i'll be by a lot more ...

Anonymous said...

forgot to say something ... holidays, anniversaries are VERY hard for us. all of us.

know you are in our thoughts and here are a few hugs for you ... {{{RR}}}

The Speaker said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jumpinginpuddles said...

we cant wait for the day when we can get to celebrate instead of runnign scared.

Frazzled Farm Wife said...

I know you can put a book together and it will be a great one too! You have a way with writing and with truth-telling. Best of luck to you!

keepers said...

there is the mother/mom thing again, not specifically yours, just a commentary on how often the survivors have their mothers as either perpetrators, traitors or abuser or cohort and at the very least, a look the other way mother. Good luck with your book, we are sure it will help many as does your blogs!

peace and blessings


Rising Rainbow said...

kahless, no, I wouldn't think of stopping blogging to write the book. It's not going to be a fun process dredging all of that old crap up, I'm going to need you guys, I think.

I hope you had a good day at work today. I could use some time spent on organization as well. Hopefully, one step at a time I'll get there.

lilly strange, a laundry chute, hmm, guess it is a good thing you don't work together. lol

The book is started already. I have my outline and first chapter done. From there we'll see how it goes.

jenni, thanks for visiting and for the good wishes.

miquiecrew, when I was doing my "real" therapy I journaled all the time. Now I can use those journals to recreate my process for the book. I've always found writing helpful.

And thank you for the hugs.

JIP, I can't wait for that day for you either. It will come.

frazzled farm wife, thanks for the vote of confidence. The task feels rather daunting so moral support is greatly appreciated.

keepers, yes, the mother thing seems to permeate everything in some way or another.

I sure hope my book will be helpful, that's the only reason I'm writing it is the hope it will be there for those who might be looking for answers about this form of abuse.

The Speaker said...

I'm not sure if I have told you this or not, but thank you for what you are doing.

Kahless said...


My disorganisation was even worse in 2008!