Questions from Jumpinginpuddles

In the comments on the post More on Questions from Anonymous
jumpinginpuddles

asked a couple of different things. Both had to do with therapy and each question came from a different alter if I am guessing correctly.

jumpinginpuddles said "perhaps rising it might be a good idea to do a theme on healthy therapy versus not so healthy?"

There are a couple of ways that I can take this. A therapeutic relationship can be unhealthy. Also, a client's participation in therapy can be unhealthy. Either will compromise a person's progress.

There can be several reasons for unhealthy relationships with therapists. Not all therapists are qualified. Just because a person hangs out a shingle and says they are a therapist doesn't make them one. Some therapists who have the appropriate credentials are controlling and manipulative people. There is no way a therapist with that kind of behavior can help anyone. Controlling and manipulative behavior is the root of all mental illness from what I can tell. Therapy with such a person can only result in major problems.

Even the best of therapists can have issues. We all have issues. The relationship between a therapist and a client can be toxic if the therapist has not resolved issues similar to the client's. The client's issues can push the therapist's buttons and the resulting exchange can be not only non-productive but can actually cause damage.

A client's participation in therapy can be unhealthy if the client does not really want to be healed. If the client continues to look for ways to avoid changing, there is now way therapy can be productive. Also therapy can be unhealthy if the client isn't being honest. Therapy can not be successful if it's being built on deceit. The only way a therapist can help anyone is by being given the whole story. Withholding information and lying is not only non-productive, it can be destructive as well.

jumpinginpuddles said" i think healing can only work if you want it to, and that not every therapist can deal with every part really well. "

I certainly agree that therapy can only work if the client wants it too. I know! I took my teenage daughter to therapy when she was molested by her father. She did not participate in that therapy. She didn't want it and she only went because she had to . It did her absolutely no good. She is going to be forty this year and is still buried under the issues she chose not to resolve. It is a sad truth.

As for every therapist dealing with every part, I really feel for the therapists of multiples. Most multiples are so booby trapped, that the poor therapist is set-up before she/he ever even starts. There are bound to be personalities in there that take offense to the therapist because those personalities have been affected by their offenders. They have taken on the "rules" of their origin. Things they believe to be true and even they hold dear may be contrary to healthy relationships and healing.

Of course, the alters that take offense to the therapist aren't going to understand this. They're going to think it is the therapist's fault. When really the conflict is a result of those old rules that were affected by the offenders.

jumpinginpuddles said 'So what happens to those parts who don't get on with their T they don't ever get healing at all?'

If they would only give the therapist a chance they might find a way to work together. Therapists just need to know what they're up against. They need to know they are not trusted or liked and why. Only with that information do they have any chance at helping things along. They may have ideas to make things better, compromises or creative ways to resolve these issues.

Therapists have far more capacity for love and understanding than we multiples ever give them credit for. Part of the reason for that is we have never really been exposed to true unconditional love. We only understand strings and being manipulated. We tend to not trust what we do not understand. That is not the therapist's fault.

As an alter in a system where the therapy relationship is working for many alters, but not for us, we have a responsibility to give it an honest try. To talk to the therapist and see if we can find some common ground. Or talk through another alter at first and try things that way. BUT honesty must be employed.

In order for the system to heal, all parts must co-operate. There must be acceptance of all parts and the parts that have wounds must heal. I believe that alters who are uncomfortable with a system's therapist can work through those issues if they really try.

I know it will be hard. Therapy is hard. It is scary. Confrontation can be downright frightening BUT it is a necessary part of a healthy life. We have to learn to stand up for ourselves and speak our minds. Any good therapist knows this and supports this. An alter speaking up for herself/himself even in regards to the therapist will be appreciated by the therapist and the others in the system, I would hope.

I know that the therapist for jip's system is an expert in her field. I believe that she can handle anything your alters have to say. And I believe that she can do that in a caring manner because she really does care about all of the system.

multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism