Monday, November 19, 2007

Questions from an Alter of Another System

Questions were posed on one of the other "multiple" blogs that I read that I said I would answer here on my blog. These questions came from an newly surfacing alter and were addressed to me and others who had been commenting on posts from this particular alter. I would post a link however this is a private blog for the safety of the system. To honor that I will also not use the names of the alters involved.

This "new" alter has been suggesting that she has issues with another alter and that she is in a position to do something about that. I think those of us reading were concerned that there might be trouble. We were asking questions trying to clarify the situation. In answer to our questions another post was made today which included these questions to us commenters.

Q: " Why is this alter of such great concern to you all? "

A: For me, the answer was automatic. All the parts are important to me. Each one contributes to the system. While the significance of different alters may not be important or even known to some within the system, it can be very important to others. Protecting all of the alters is an important part of working towards a healthy, productive system.

Besides I think there is a dangerous message there. If parts are disposable, isn't that a devaluation of the whole. Victims of abuse have enough trouble feeling valuable without being so discounted by their own systems. How do you convince alters to co-operate in a healing process when they can see that others can be or have been disposed of? It doesn't sound like anything that would encourage trust to me. And trust within the system is the most important part in finding a way to healing.

Knowing of the darkness from which this system must heal, there is a long road ahead. I know about the pitfalls and the booby traps. It seems to me that this system will need all of the strength that it can muster to take on this challenge and to come out the other side.

I have seen evidence in this alter of strength. Maybe she's not prefect (but who among us are) and can not hold it together all of the time. But she has been willing to ask some difficult questions of me and my guess is of others. Even though she must have known what she was going to learn, she asked those questions anyway. To me that shows bravery and strength. She wants to know and she is looking for healing for her system. Can you system afford to lose any measure of such things?

Just because she does not have the power to do it on her own doesn't mean that she has no value. I know first hand the power comes from those in the system joining together and working as a team. I believe it would be a loss to this system not to have any alter in the fight against the darkness who has expressed the desire to confront the evil

In addition as a multiple who has lost parts, I can tell you that it has left me (my system) with holes. Missing those pieces have left me unable to connect to parts of my life. I may have the knowledge of certain times and events ok but without any of the emotional attachment that go with those memories, it feels more like something out of yesterday's news than anything to do with me.

Those emotional holes are my biggest regret in all of this crazy life of mine. If there was any way I could go back and save those parts, I absolutely would in a heartbeat.

I have been able to put my life back together and learn to live a happy and productive life. But there is nothing I can do to "feel" those feelings of my lost parts. I understand how a victim of amnesia must feel being told about a life they have no attachment to. The disconnect is unbelievable.

Q: "While she needs the attention and the help in dealing with those flashes, would it not make sense to also give some attention to the ones the flashes are coming from?"

A: I would say from my experience that it is an important part of healing for all to deal with the flashes. It definitely makes sense to give some attention to the ones that the flashes are coming from that is for sure. But the very fact that someone is sending flashes shows they have some kind of faith or bond with her that is important to be utilized.

Each system works differently, so I won't pretend to know what the roles are here. But I do know that working as a team and accepting each and every part is the way to healing. I don't know if the one receiving the flashes needs to work through the flashed first for the safety of the one sending them, but I do know it could be a possibility. There is a lot to be considered.

Obviously the one sending the flashes is in some distress. That needs to be addressed. Whether dealing with the distress means working through what the flashes mean or building those parts up so they can work through them, only those in your system can tell for sure. But it would be important to "feel" things and make informed decisions instead of just jumping in head first.

My guess is the flashes are being sent to this particular alter for a reason. I would think knowing what that reason is would be a good first step in finding out how to resolve this.

Q: If they can be worked through with the ones who actually experienced these things, the flashes would then end for her, would they not?

A: I think I've stated this above, but will say it again. For there to be healing throughout the system, the issues that go with these flashes will need to be worked out throughout the system.

Certainly there has been plenty of evidence of that here on the blogosphere with JIP lately. I know she won't mind me using her for an example. Each part within a system needs to come to a place of understanding and acceptance for there to be healing.

Note: That is the list of questions. If there are more questions, from readers or the alter who asked these questions, please ask. The discussion created can be helpful to other multiples as well.

And to the alter who asked these questions, I want to say thank you for giving us the chance to participate in this dialog.


DJ Kirkby said...

I just wanted to let you know I read this blog but I dont comment as I dont think it would be appropriate for me to have a comment to make here. I am here to read and learn, that is all.

jumpinginpuddles said...

i think the most vaulable lesson we have learnt and are still learnign is what conquered sam was our unity what left ehr to her own devices our disunity.

We have had to leartn that each alter marks at their own pace that one later strugglign with flahsbacks may not cope better if the one also flashing is healed, becasue healing comes individually.

I guess i think of it like this,
two children are playing one suddenly starts cryng whilst the other one ignores her and does her own thing, a little later the toles are reversed and the other child learning from teh first example does the same thing and when asked later why she says well i learnt from her. I guess what im saying is help both becasue by both recieving healing they may just be teaching the rest fo teh system in ways you cna never imagine.

jumpinginpuddles said...

oh and no use us as an example any tiem you like if it helps others

Anonymous said...

I think that my question about why is (blank) of such concern is coming from a place of watching others both inside and outside (mostly outside)the system seem to place so much import on her. I feel she is no more and no less important than others yet I watch people talking with others inside and I see this...
Where is (blank)? What is (blank) doing? How is (blank) doing? Why haven't I seen (blank) for a while? (blank) seems depressed. (blank) has been happy lately. Yet others are only asked/talked about in this manner if there is a known crisis with them. So, to me, it appears that this one is more important to others than the rest are. Of course I have not seen this from you, nor have I seen it from other multiples...I can only assume that has something to do with being multiple.

There is definitely a bond between (blank) and one of the little ones...this bond occured after an extreme incident with internal dark ones. We are unsure if it was the intended goal of the dark ones or not; perhaps to overwhelm (blank) in order to gain, something, or it was unintended. Either way the bond is definitely there. While it is true that the T has spent a great deal of time with this little one, it has all been about building trust (which IS important), and then a different "crisis" arose and the issues have never really been worked out. I really believe that working out the issues with this little one would help (blank) and all others a great deal.

I do believe that my initial message sounded as if I felt (blank) is disposable...I do not. What I actually believe is that she is blocking/refusing to participate in any attempts to gain awareness of the others. There have a been a few very small gains, but not many. My goal in the situation is to force that issue, not get rid of her entirely. Either have her stop blocking attempts or bring her to a safe place inside where we can work on this internall while allowing the rest of the system to continue on with life, work on there needs in T, have time to do some of the things they want to do without hearing "(blank) needs this", "(blank) needs that)".

I am unsure if I am being clear in what I am saying here, so I will stop for now.


Marj aka Thriver said...

This is a useful dialogue. I know the feeling of memories feeling more like "yesterday's news than anything having to do with me." I know, for me, a big part of my healing is connecting it all back up again. As much as it hurts, I need to be able to admit, "THIS HAPPENED TO ME!"

Kahless said...

Hi Rainbow.

A personal question if I may.

You say you have lost parts. Is there no way you can ever now connect to them? Or are they gone forever? If so how / why?

Anonymous said...

i think i like your thinking A because how long is a piece of string, it seems from what you have written she might be very comfortable in the place she is and if im reading correctly might actually be only making gains so you are kept happy and therfor off her case so to speak.
Just a thought sorry if i stepped out of line, by answering liek this