Saturday, October 18, 2008

A Question about What's Real

Recently I received an email from a person who is helping survivors of satanism. In that email was a question about a supernatural experience I posted about in Some Things I Can't Explain I am answering here because I figure if this person is wondering about this, others may be as well.

Question: Are you absolutely sure that it is not a part within (like the Wizard that you may or may not have discovered yet, near the doorkeeper in the middle) who has made you feel that way or embellished the experience or your memories?

Before I answer this question I must respond to how this question struck me. I'm sorry but I had to laugh. I don't mean to be smug or anything like that but there was something simplistic about the question that amused me. Probably not amused in a way that is normal but for me it's the black humor I have had to have to deal with this stuff in the first place. I guess for me the laugh was about "I wish it was that simple."

The question shows how basic the programming of the survivors you've come into contact with is. Maybe I said that wrong, maybe it would make more sense to say the survivors you have come into contact with are at low levels within the cult. What you are referring to is generated by only the most simplistic of programming techniques. Those you have mentioned are very basic programming markers.

I guess it would be reasonable to expect that most people dealing with cult survivors would come into contact mostly with survivors at those lower levels because they are the people most likely to be able to escape. Even the attempts to stop such survivors from leaving is more about intimidating those still involved than it is in trying to return deserters to the fold. However, there are some survivors who will have more sophisticated programming.

The level at which one is to function in the cult directly relates to the type of programming that is done. There are some "basics" that are the same as far as ritualistic experiences like rebirthing and such but the nuances that can be worked into such programming directly relates to what type of system they want to develop for their special purposes. I guess that translates to it may all look the same on the surface but underneath can be a whole different ball game.

For me, I had no Wizard or gatekeeper/doorkeeper in the middle.........heck, I had no middle and I don't have what others call layers either. My programming was much more complicated than that.

You could not map out my system, it would probably make you crazy first. I don't even try. It hasn't been necessary for my healing. My system is a maze designed to forever protect organizational secrets as well as the secrets that were to keep me under control.

I might add that my system developed differently than the cult intended. That is how I got free. I did not react the ways they expected me to react and was able to form parts to buffer myself against their manipulations thus compromising their control.

Now to answer your question. My memories of the supernatural aspects of my abuse are not influenced by programmed parts of me. I have no doubts about this. I may not try to "sell" others on the reality of my experience but I know it was real. It was not drug induced or any kind of trick. There was a clarity to it that I still feel to this day.


But like anyone else, I can get into my head and want to find reasons not to believe. Mostly because it's easier not to believe such evil exists in the world .........but then I know it does.

There are a number of logical reasons why inner parts could not have caused this experience for me. Beginning with the fact that all of my parts with cult programming are children 7 years and under and have not matured beyond that point.

My memories of the supernatural are far more sophisticated than those children were capable of devising, not to mention that the "graphics" were even more sophisticated than even today's technology could produce let alone someone in the 1950s.

My inner children were tricked that's for sure but by external forces, not internal ones and not about the spiritual aspect of my experiences. I have seen evil in its purest (if it's possible for evil to be pure) form. Maybe I should say I have experienced evil. I know what it feels like, tastes like, smells like, thinks like, sounds like.......the list goes on.

Also, I have no internal parts that co-operated with the cult other than the self destruct programming. However, even that is limited. I had no cutters or other forms of self mutilation. Just many parts unwilling to experience any more pain and willing to die to be free from hurting.

On the contrary to being tricked, my inner children know all the tricks. They know how the programming is accomplished, what it is for and how to make it work. They know the inner workings of mind control and how to create triggers, even complex individual ones. They know the inner workings of the cult as well.



With that all being said, I think people who are hoping to find that there are lots of tricks making victims feel trapped and that the supernatural implication aren't real must remember that it all goes back to the levels of the programming. Everything is about the levels. Victims in lower levels can be controlled with lessor things. Victims in higher levels need to have bigger more dramatic things to control them. There are no black and white answers. My experience may not be the experience of another living human being but it is MY experience.

What that means is that victims at lower levels are more likely to be controlled with tricks etc. than to have true supernatural experiences. However, that most definitely can be affected by the "spirit" of the individual. Anything can and will happen if it means winning or loosing.

Make no mistake, this whole thing about satanic cults is very much about the oldest struggle of all...........good versus evil. The prize to be won or lost is the very soul of the individuals involved. Trying to help survivors without addressing the supernatural aspects will have limits on its effectiveness.

However, that being said, it does not mean that helping a survivor to see the tricks is not useful to their recovery. What it does mean is don't get caught in the trap of looking for the "easy" way out. There are no easy ways when dealing with cult survivors. The supernatural aspects cannot be denied. Thinking that way only makes the devil laugh.

The important thing is to look for balance. Everything is not a trick nor is everything exactly as it seems. Being open minded to the possibilities will carry more weight that being an "expert" ever would. The key to this whole thing is hope. With hope all of this can be resolved.

5 comments:

Lily Strange said...

I find myself questioning a lot of my experiences because there are so many naysayers. But whenever I get into that mode of believing the naysayers, everything around me takes on a kind of decay. That just sucks too much. So even if the joke's on me, I have to at least believe in the POSSIBILITY that what I'm experiencing is real.

Kahless said...

I guess the expectation is that you would have stayed in the cult and one day would have programmed children yourself? So I guess would some alters contain this knowledge?

jumpinginpuddles said...

we want to say so much yet cant find words to say, if only it were that simple, if only this all werent so complex but we keep coming back to the same thing, in order to get free we have to first accept that what we would like to think is not real was very very real for us, as RR you said evil in its purest form.

kahless,
eventually thats what most end up doing to some degree or another. And i know some alters here have knoweldge of their specific job, and that is their battle to stay away from something that naturally through unnaatural means was given to them.

Battle Weary said...

Okay..are we missin somethin? Wizard and doorkeeper in the middle? I don't understand this...and have an odd feelin that I wish I did. I definitely wish we didn't understand the other stuff in your post.

Hope you are doin okay.

L

Anonymous said...

"Make no mistake, this whole thing about satanic cults is very much about the oldest struggle of all...........good versus evil. The prize to be won or lost is the very soul of the individuals involved. Trying to help survivors without addressing the supernatural aspects will have limits on its effectiveness.

However, that being said, it does not mean that helping a survivor to see the tricks is not useful to their recovery. What it does mean is don't get caught in the trap of looking for the "easy" way out. There are no easy ways when dealing with cult survivors. The supernatural aspects cannot be denied."
****************************
Amazing post with truth that needs to be recognized! In the more than 15 years of ritual abuse i endured, starting as a young adult, there WERE many, many tricks done to shock and confuse me.

But....there were also happenings that cannot be humanly explained. Those are the things that i don't usually tell anyone because of fear that they will think i'm crazy, lying or deluded somehow. Perfect for the abusers, but not the victims...

Now i will speak of a few things that happened which i absolutely believe were not deceptions.

One....the High Priest (man who married my sister after pretending to be a "Christian"~ he was a total cunning fake) could write blindingly fast with his left hand from the bottom of a page up, from the right to the left, in writing that had to be held up to a mirror to read. Everything was backwards.

This man once told me that he had someone for me to "meet". He took me to a dark small room under my parent's basement stairs. There he somehow made what looked like the apparition of a little girl appear. She had bl**d down her cheeks and was carrying a scissor with white party dress, socks and dark shoes. She walked towards me saying, "I want to play." My brother in law (at that time) began jumping way up and down and saying, "It worked!! It worked!!" over and over. Then he held up his hands and said reverently "I worship you..." also in repetition. It was *not* to God that he was speaking, and there was such an addiction to power there, that he was intoxicated. I know this was a genuine memory because of my bil's reaction after the "little girl" appeared. He seemed to be on a high, there was such excitement.

After remembering this incident, i went online and did a lot of research. This kind of practice by witches or satanists is called "evocation", but i had NO conscious knowledge such a thing existed when the memory returned. Some practitioners may produce fake "evocations", but what i experienced at the hands of the High Priest was genuine.

My brother in law abuser also made other filmy "beings" appear at other times. Once, an old lady sitting in a chair, another time a little boy (my daughter has remembered that time). There was another time, too, in the basement of our country house which i don't feel ready to talk about yet. These "beings" were way beyond terrifying~ there are not words to express how frightening they were.

But a good supernatural memory my children had after they remembered....once the abuser had me down on the bed with a knife to my throat and was threatening to k*ll me in front of the children. They said i started praying to God, and the knife was thrown/flew forcefully sideways out of his hand into the carpet beside the bed. This actually scared him! I still have no conscious memory of that incident, but know that it was not a trick because the abuser would NEVER have wanted my children to see him fail or to see the true God as stronger as his god.

There were other instances also, but these are a few that i can talk about now. Thank you for having the courage and insight to so accurately tell the truth! Understanding the supernatural aspects that can be a part of satanic abuse may be essential to truly seeing the whole picture.

LJ