The depression hit like a rock. I didn't expect it and at first I didn't realize that it was there. Only this afternoon as I began wondering what in the heck was wrong with me did I realize that I am depressed.
Despite the fact that things to do with my dream are screaming along at an encouraging rate, I am shrouded in a deep dark depression. As much as I'd like to say that the walls I have in place are effective, this depression says otherwise.
I can't figure out what's going on here. Parts of me think I should have things under control and I have no reason to be depressed. Yet the depression is clearly weighing me down. There are even suicidal thoughts that slip through from time to time. That old familiar darkness is trying to make it's way back and take over.
It's been a long time since I've felt this way. It feels so foreign yet familiar at the same time. I can't help but wonder "who" is responsible for these feelings. All I know for sure there is a voice that greets the depression like it is an old friend.
Still Battling
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About Me
- Rising Rainbow
- I've owned Arabian Horses for at least 20 years. While we have been breeding them most of that time, due to the current economy we have stopped breeding. Now with my current health concerns my future with horses may be in question too. In the meantime, with my husband and daughter, we currently have a herd of about 25 horses. Most are sired by our herd sire, Scandalous Legacy. The horses we have bred have been worked with from the day they are born and we pride ourselves on raising beautiful horses with kind, sweet, willing dispositions. Arabian horses have been therapy for me without them I would not be here.
3 comments:
I fear I will have my depression lurking in the shadows for the rest of my days. That every now and then it will pop back like an old friend.
I am sorry MiKael. I understand. Hang in there. there are clear reasons for your depression. Try and express your feelings.
{{{{hugs}}}}
(((Hugs))), please take care of yourself.
{{{{{RR}}}}}
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