There are other parts within my system that are still separate because they belong to clusters of personalities. These clusters are related to children who are still keeping their silence. As long as part of the cluster needs to maintain walls, the others are affected as well. The walls can not come down completely between the others on the inside who are not part of these cluster.
That doesn't mean that those parts have full scale walls anymore. Their walls are only intact to the extent necessary to hold the necessary things inside. Parts with secrets have access to consciousness and a voice at all times, if they want it. We no longer have safeguards to keep any part quiet or out of touch.
While integration has never been my goal, my guess is that the professionals would say I have achieved it in some parts. Do any parts of me feel threatened because of this? Absolutely not, it is a non issue for us. We get stronger and stronger each day. We have bumps in our road of life just like anyone else but we have the skills to navigate those bumps with the least amount of stress to all within our system. That is what we trust and believe in.
Do we care if you refer to us as many or one? We have no inclinations either way. At this point in our recovery we see ourselves as one human being with several hundred parts united in one body. That is what matters. The picture we have is of an evolving person who is finally whole. Even with all our walls, we know that we are one.
If that means that total integration will someday have occurred we are ALL content. We all know that we will survive in our entirety. We know from what we have lived that we will feel as least as good then as we do now. No part will suffer or be lost. We know the actuality is we will probably notice little difference. And those around us won't have a clue. The changes are subtle and reaffirming
If on the other hand we join no closer together than we are now, we are ALL content with that as well. We're doing pretty darn well in living this dream of ours. Not suffering anymore because of that crap in our past would be just fine. We are a happy healthy human being.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did integration