My Thoughts on Integration - Part 3

Part 1

Some multiples see themselves as puzzle pieces and I have to totally concur. As I have travelled this road, more and more of my pieces have been put into their correct location. As that has happened, the picture of who I am has become clearer and clearer.

No one piece is anymore valuable than the rest. And when several pieces fit together perfectly aligned there is some kind of inner peace that comes with the recognition that part of us is now whole. It seems to happen subtly and over stretches of time. There is no "incident" that marks its happening, only the realization that our life is gradually getting smoother and more content.

While I haven't set it as a goal of my recovery, I am not frightened by it either. It is just another part in the process that has been our healing. Those parts that no longer have boundaries make our lives much easier. We no longer have to go over and over the same things because we have switched from one part (or place in our puzzle) to another.Those feelings of wanting to be an individual on our own or our own person somehow get stronger and more unified instead of being sacrificed in this process.

I doubt that anyone who lives with me or knows me well is even aware when this has happened. Actually, now a days, we seem to notice more when a part with more defined walls is present because we recognize the limited form of the feelings of that part.

I guess it might be easier to explain with an example. I have a part who hates my husband. I do mean hates!! She doesn't want to live with him and cannot stand being in the same room with him. We know when she is present because she begins to threaten him with divorce.

Her feelings carry a lot of weight in our system and we start to think maybe we would be better off without him. But then someone will start to wonder how we got to this place and the inner discussion begins. Once that happens, she usually disappears again and for a time, my husband doesn't have to worry about divorce.

It's not necessarily a bad thing when she begins to pick on him. She usually only shows up because he has been behaving like a schmuck! Most times her confrontations will result in some change on his part. He's very slow at getting it figured out but he is gradually getting better. He has a long way to go in his healing.

We imagine this part will remain separate until we have really resolved our feelings about our husband. It's all complicated with the inner children he has taken great care of, sex and our horses. It is the one area in our lives where we don't really know what the right thing for us is. I would guess that speaks to why this part is still separate. I'm pretty sure that acceptance on all levels (including inner feelings) is a big key to unity.

To be continued............

Part 4

multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did integration