Thursday, January 10, 2008

My Thoughts on Integration - Part 3

Part 1

Some multiples see themselves as puzzle pieces and I have to totally concur. As I have travelled this road, more and more of my pieces have been put into their correct location. As that has happened, the picture of who I am has become clearer and clearer.

No one piece is anymore valuable than the rest. And when several pieces fit together perfectly aligned there is some kind of inner peace that comes with the recognition that part of us is now whole. It seems to happen subtly and over stretches of time. There is no "incident" that marks its happening, only the realization that our life is gradually getting smoother and more content.

While I haven't set it as a goal of my recovery, I am not frightened by it either. It is just another part in the process that has been our healing. Those parts that no longer have boundaries make our lives much easier. We no longer have to go over and over the same things because we have switched from one part (or place in our puzzle) to another.Those feelings of wanting to be an individual on our own or our own person somehow get stronger and more unified instead of being sacrificed in this process.

I doubt that anyone who lives with me or knows me well is even aware when this has happened. Actually, now a days, we seem to notice more when a part with more defined walls is present because we recognize the limited form of the feelings of that part.

I guess it might be easier to explain with an example. I have a part who hates my husband. I do mean hates!! She doesn't want to live with him and cannot stand being in the same room with him. We know when she is present because she begins to threaten him with divorce.

Her feelings carry a lot of weight in our system and we start to think maybe we would be better off without him. But then someone will start to wonder how we got to this place and the inner discussion begins. Once that happens, she usually disappears again and for a time, my husband doesn't have to worry about divorce.

It's not necessarily a bad thing when she begins to pick on him. She usually only shows up because he has been behaving like a schmuck! Most times her confrontations will result in some change on his part. He's very slow at getting it figured out but he is gradually getting better. He has a long way to go in his healing.

We imagine this part will remain separate until we have really resolved our feelings about our husband. It's all complicated with the inner children he has taken great care of, sex and our horses. It is the one area in our lives where we don't really know what the right thing for us is. I would guess that speaks to why this part is still separate. I'm pretty sure that acceptance on all levels (including inner feelings) is a big key to unity.

To be continued............

Part 4


Lynn said...

"It's all complicated with the inner children he has taken great care of, sex and our horses."

Wow, RR! I SO get that. This is exactly why it feels so nasty to go to my husband for emotional comfort. To me, it mixes things up in a most disgusting manner to need that from someone I have sex with. Even if it IS only once a month!

Kahless said...


Thanks for sharing this.

I think the example you used is really great as it creates a vivid image for me of one of the challenges that must be faced by multiples.

And I guess you answered my question that I commented on in your last post.

miquiecrew said...

thank you for sharing all three parts. the conflict is hard, i agree, very hard, especially when it tears the whole system ...

many safe hugs to you right now ...

keepers said...

this is very interesting and we are glad others are reading these and commenting. sending you hugs


gypsy-heart said...

Thank you for sharing. I see strength in your words.

Your horses are beautiful..and the relationship you have with them. I really think animals are sent here to teach us so many things.

The past does not define us.

Every day is a new beginning..
as is every moment..
as is every breath.

Wishing you peace & light in each breath,


Rising Rainbow said...

lynn, OK, I'm laughing at this, because it's not exactly what I expected anyone to relate to. You just never know, do you?

Kahless, I'm not sure if I've answered all of your questions or not. I have written this series ahead of time since technically I'm out of town right now. When I saw your questions, I thought I had probably answered part of them. When I am done, I will go back over and see if I missed anything and then take care of it.

miquecrew, conflict is definitely destrustive to the recovery process and the system.

And thanks for the hugs!

keepers, I'm glad that these are helpful.

gypsy-heart, you are so right about new beginnings.