Keepers Korner has posted a piece on INTEGRATION and other multiples have commented on that post. For many multiples integration seems to be a word that incites some fear.
Whether that fear is based on feelings of powerlessness over our own process or worry about changes considered to be unfavorable or who knows what else, the fact is that many multiples find integration a threat. I think a big part of that fear has to do with the unknown.
As multiples we only know what our experience has been. To have someone outside of us, tell us what we can or cannot do feels just like being abuse all over again. So to have therapists say that you "must" integrate immediately sends up red flags and a world of resistance. And why not, it's certainly not something we can relate to. There is no real measure of what this means.
I probably have a little different take on this than others. I think that integration is not necessarily something that you do, I think it is something that happens. Maybe you can set it up to happen, but I think as the healing process progresses, it just happens on it's own. There is no fanfare, no sudden change that makes things different, just a wall that was once there is no longer. It has gradually melted away.
As a multiple who has chosen not to seek integration as my therapy goal, I also have chosen not to exclude integration from my process either. That may sound like double talk, but what it means is that I have chosen to heal without limitations. I have chosen to do what it takes for me to lead a healthy and productive life while doing what is best for all of me. Integration was not a thought or a goal, healing was.
As I go along in this life of mine, I work to resolve whatever issues may arise in a healthy manner. The ultimate goal I have is inner peace for my system. Each and every part is resolved to working towards that goal.
From the beginning in therapy, that was always our goal. We just wanted to be free. No more living our lives under the rules of others. No more beating ourselves up that we didn't deserve. No more denying who we really are and what we need. No more blaming ourselves for things that were not our fault.
Along this journey we have come to understand what we are. We have come to accept who we are. We have learned to identify what we need and take control of our lives. We have come to live what we dream.
To be continued...........
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did integration