Wednesday, January 9, 2008

My Thoughts on Integration - Part 2

Part 1

To do this we have not closed the door on any alter. We never thought to protect one part at the expense of another. We never made an active attempt to stop or start integration. We just worked our process.

We have held the door closed short term on an alter sometimes to have suitable help in place when that alter relinquished her/his secret but we have not denied anyone inside her/his voice. We have accepted the needs of each and every alter and tried to find a healthy way to fill those needs.

Our inner conflicts are only fleeting. Usually they are based in an unheard alter still carrying old messages. Our system holds strong against such messages but has learned to treat the holders of such with the dignity and respect that they have earned. Without them, we would not have survived.

Giving them that honor while still disagreeing with their message, actually helps those parts to see the truth. Healing is usually pretty swift for these parts because our inner sanctuary is united in acceptance and understanding, prepared for any and all secrets from our past. We do not judge ourselves under those old rules.

We still have parts who have endured heinous abuses and carry dark messages, programming and pain who have not told their truths. Those alters are usually content to keep their secrets in the name of protecting the entire system from further pain.

However, should triggering occur to cause any of those parts pain, we feel the need to bring them forth to relinquish their secrets. Also, should any part have information that might help another survivor, that too will be good reason to bring a part to the forefront. We are all in agreement to do so.

Our rule of thumb is no alter shall suffer for the sake of the others and no outside survivors will suffer if we can help. That means if suffering begins, the wounds will be dealt with regardless of the interim pain. We accept that all healing has its own time and we will deal with it.

Living under these terms has brought us to where we are today. We still have many, many rooms within our internal castle. But some of those rooms have been turned into suites. I can't think of any better way to describe what has occurred. The walls separating some parts are no longer there. It was not a conscious decision to end one phase and begin a new. It was just the result of the work, the co-operations that have become our system.

That doesn't mean that two parts have disappeared and a new one has been formed. No one died. No one's uniqueness or endearing characteristics or little quirks were lost. Just the wall separating two parts, protecting them from each other were finally gone because they were no longer necessary. Both parts are still present, together, forever joined. The good, the bad and everything in between with no walls to separate them are now housed in that one suite.

To be continued...........

Part 3

7 comments:

Fallen Angels said...

Rising...I have two questions...not about integration, but more about specific details in your post.

The first is...have you ever had an alter (very young in this case), who has been allowed her voice, is honored, loved and nurtured both internally and externally, has spent countless hours with T getting the same things; yet still does not relinquish her secret? I will clarify that...she has shared it with Sera in the form of nightmares and Sera has shared it externally with safe people, but this little one is still having flashbacks etc. I am thinking she Ilittle one) needs to share it with T, but I do not know how to facilitate this. Do you have any thoughts?

Second question is more personal... I noticed you referred to your internal castle. We also have a castle, JIP had a castle, two other SRA survivors I know have castles., Other survivors refer to houses, bungalows, mansions, etc. I have a theory that there is something in SRA programming that either intentionally or unintentionally leads the victim/survivor to create castles. Any thought?

Warrier

April_optimist said...

I hesitate to comment because I'm not multiple but neither do I want to ignore your posts. I honor the work you're doing and it "feels" right--what you're saying about integration being walls coming down between alters so that all of you is still there, just not so divided.

Kahless said...

Very informative series of posts as usual RR.
Now you are come out the otherside of your therapy does one main personality stay out most of the time or do you have agreements between alters for who is out for how long or ....? Or am I asking the wrong question but I guess you can understand what I am trying to ask?

Cheers.

Lynn said...

I am enjoying learning from you in these posts about integration, RR. What I am going through is also integration of a sort. I need to integrate experiences instead of needing to keep them out. In some respects my walls sound a bit similar to yours. I also like how you describe the castle. I often dream of buildings. Mostly houses. I also have a bit of an unusual problem that I have been hesitant to blog about anymore because it has been going on for so long that I feel embarrassed about it. The old house that I moved out of is STILL empty. I moved more than two years ago. This house has become a metaphor for my body and my need to keep others out of it. Even though I understand that now, no sooner did I send a worker over there to prepare it to be rented -- the old eating stuff came back again. I need 'the body' to be empty. I sit here and sigh. I know how odd this sounds.

In front of me right now, are some papers I brought from the office. They are the papers I need to put the house in the multiple listing as a rental. We'll see. I'm already imagining tenants that will set off all my crap. Men tenants might do that. And so could... let's see... men tenants. And then there are... oh yeah, men tenants might make me feel weird. Did I mention men tenants could be triggering? I really need to get over this. Men are half of the freakin' population! But a strange man in my shower, walking barefoot on my carpet, touching my house? Ew. I smell an unintegrated experience.

Rising Rainbow said...

fallen angels, I'm going to have to think about this one with the little alter for a while.

Off the top of my head, I'd like "safe people" defined. Does that include T? Will she draw it? Or what if Sera draws it and gives it to the T to talk to the little about?

Sometimes the really little alters don't have the words to tell so they have to share in whatever way they can, that can be giving those flashbacks to others. Sometimes it need to be particular others or many others before they can be healed.

As for the castle with me, I think it goes to the place where my programing was done but I, too, had noticed the similiarities and wondered about the connection.

april-optimist, thanks for speaking up. I think there are not as many differences between multiples and singletons as some tend to think.

I see friends who dissociate who are not multiple but use walls very effectively in very similiar ways, just not to the same degree. So it makes sense to me, that what I say might "feel" right to you. I think it is helpful for multiples to be able to see the similiarities.

kahless, if I haven't answered these with the future posts, I will do so at the end.

Lynn, I can understand why you would feel that way with the house. Let me know how it works out.

Fallen Angels said...

Hi Rising...to clarify "safe people"...this basically (for us) means T, partner and three friends that started as internet friends and are now close 3d friends (Raine, S-girl and psychperson). In the case of sharing the nightmare though, it was with T and with partner and that is all. Sera has written it on the blog also (you've read it). She's also drawn it. The little one is 4...and pretty verbal.

W

Arifah Handayani said...

Walls.. I describe it as cave... I never get disoriented whatsoever... I just feel I have more than one person in me who responsible of my actions...

They just come out from the dark after I broke down in 2011... i got dis functioned state... for almost 18 months... I call them the wise.. the wild and the insecure...

Im a mom of 4... i believe the wise mom was hidden after I got miscarriage in august 2011.. the insecure drag me in to her deep cave and the wild trying to pull me out by making me do wild things...

I have an abused child hood.. both physically and mentally... never really got physically injured but I believe I suffer mentally..

I have issue on love and trust.. I can love deeply but never really trust Im deserved to be loved...

Im a high functioned woman... Im good with words and my IQ is superior... so from outside no body believe Im having mental illness...

No body care enough to find me a pro help... until one day I found online help... but this time I didnt suspect it is a MDP... but I do feel disintegrate... And I believe the integration approach on MPD can be used to integrate me...

From the actions and the feelings I felt the three have diffetent age...

I really hope I can communicate with You Rising Rainbow... Ive been associating my feelings with rainbow the past 4 years... Just when I felt i have more than one mind inside of me...

Thank you for the blog...