As children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
because He was my Friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How can You be so slow?"
"My child," He said, "what could I do"
You never did let go."
As tumultuous as life is right now, I find myself questioning my dream at every little bump. Should I just cut my losses and run? Do I stop doing what I'm doing and wait for it to be safe to proceed? Or do I hold onto my faith and just keep plugging along believing in the dream. I don't think a day goes by that I don't struggle with this.
Today as I was driving home from the gym, the words of this piece came to me..........as they do often. I have to remind myself these words are not just about my dream, they are about life in general. Following them has really made life easier in ways I didn't expect.
Ever since I've learned not to try to control the world around me living by the standards of others to make them happy so I could be happy, I've had much more success in my life. That makes these words ring true for me. I've learned that it's so much easier to be happy by making my decisions based on that little voice inside than by the fear that someone might disapprove.
It wasn't easy to get to that point but it certainly has taken a lot less effort. It has allowed me to do much more because I haven't spent all my energy worrying about what others think. I live by the standard I believe is right and if that doesn't work for them, I just don't worry about it. I know that I am the one that must deal with the consequences of my behavior and I am prepared to do that.
In that same light, I don't spend my energy trying to get others to live by my standards. I accept that they must deal with the consequences of their behavior just like me. I have "let go" of my need to fix it or save them.
While it's hard sometimes to watch my children in particular fall on their faces, it's a relief not to be involved in power struggles with them. They have their own personal power. If they don't chose to use it, that is their problem. It doesn't reflect on me as a parent or a person. If they do chose to use it, good for them.
Since I can't really control them either way, I can focus my energy on my own power. I can be there to support them no matter what happens because I haven't spent all my energy trying to get them to live it my way. It's actually worked out to be a lot less stressful this way for them and me.
I need to remember to apply them to my dream as well. There are all those old rules that say you must........if you want to be successful. Don't rock the boat. It's ok because everyone does. The list goes on and on. I find many, if not all, of them are useless. I know lots of people who have played by those rules and never made it in this industry
I recall being at a convention listening to one of the best known breeders of Arabian horses in this country. I don't particularly care for the "style" of horse this person breeds but the words were definitely words to live by. "Breed what you like and stick to that. Don't let others talk you out of it and don't breed the latest fad. If you breed horses that you like, others will like them too."
Believing in the truth of those words and myself is what keeps me going. Also not setting my own time limit on it, but just letting it happen seems to be what works. Despite the spiraling down economy it's beginning to look like there is light at the end of the tunnel if I will just continue to let go and believe. I imagine that there will be more days that the words of this poem come to mind.........but that's OK. I'll take all the reminders I can get to keep me on task. The journey alone has been worth it.