Sunday, August 22, 2010

Still Processing..............

"I don't care what they say about you, MiKael Jane Smith, I think you're allllll right."

So what in the heck is that kind of a statement? It took me many months to figure out. It was a form of beating me down with the intention of making me dependant on the person who spoke those words. It was grooming, plain and simple, to throw me off balance and put me in a position where the only one I trusted was the one speaking those words.

Did it work? You're darn right it did. For the longest time I felt off balance and like I didn't belong anywhere. Despite all those years of therapy and the work I'd done to identify offenders, I got caught up in his game and the throws of a very sick relationship and I'm still paying the price.

I trusted someone who was absolutely UNTRUSTWORTHY. Not only that but I gave him all kinds of insights into where I was most vulnerable. I literally drew him a road map showing him how he could exploit me..........and he followed that map right to the letter. He set me up and I let him take advantage of me. Now I'm fighting to free myself from the damage he's done to me and to my reputation.

My dream hangs in the balance as he spreads his lies throughout the Arabian horse community. I fight for what's mine and to rebuild the damage he's doing as he fills others with his lies. How come with all my skills I didn't spot this charlatan for who he really is?

I did, you know, but I ignored my inner warnings. I doubted myself and it cost me BIG TIME! BUT I am not the only one it's costing. There are a barnful of people over there still caught in his game. Some say they are brain washed. I guess maybe that explains following someone like that even when his promises fall flat. The insecurities caused by his grooming win out over common sense. I guess I should consider myself lucky I figured it out at all and found my way free. Still as I struggle to maneuver my way through this tangled web of there making I can't help but contemplate all the things that led me down this path.


Anonymous said...

Bitter, very bitter. A reckless person. Searching for weak points and using them, exploiting. I am sorry.

Anonymous said...

Everybody has a history, this person did not fall from the sky. Where did he come from? Who did him introduce to you?

You learned to analyze, and you see what you did, and - more important - why you did it. You mention others - what does he give them? Who are these persons and what do you know (!, not mean, know) about them? What do you see?

What does the person win, and I mean material things like horses, land, money? Fame?

How can you minimize the impact?

But it feels a bit disturbing.

Rising Rainbow said...

63mago, it is disturbing to me as well. The others are vulnerable people as well, each for a particular reason. Each caught in a trap of their own making unable to see how they got there. I think if I had not spent years working through my issues I would not have seen my way out of the trap laid for me.

Horses, money, reputation and a sick sense of self importance all fuel this game. It is perverse.

purple cupcakes said...

wow you know what youre words singed soemthing in us, maybe a trigger not from you but from someone else who said a similar thing for us and took us for a long ride. Is it because we are so damaged this is where we are most vulnerable im not sure but i sure feel for your pain.

Ivory said...

Awww, an ass cannot remain invisible, especially in a crowd of Arabians!

You just have to wait him out. His true colors will deceive him.

Donna said...

Take the time to process, you deserve a lot of kudos for getting yourself out when others cannot see. Give yourself the credit for taking care of yourself.