I have this thing about sharing. Well, maybe it's not really about sharing so much as being able to decide what I share and what I don't. I guess it's not uncommon for victims of childhood abuse to feel this way.
I would give someone the shirt off my back if I thought it would help them. BUT I don't want anyone taking my shirt without asking. That comes down to control I guess and that's ok with me. While I'm not a controlling person as in needing to be in charge all the time, I do want people to respect my property and my space.
I am not really obsessive about wanting people to respect my space. I just want to know that it's a consideration and that I am not being taken for granted. Also it's one of those things that I am sure to honor in regards to the space and property of others.
However, I have this problem with my husband on this issue. He doesn't really regard my feelings when it comes to such things. Most of the time the things are small so not worth fussing about but sometimes he butts in where he is not wanted and he ruins something that's important to me. His lack of respect for my boundaries really infuriates me but doesn't seem to mean much to him.
I find myself tearing my hair out and he's standing there looking at me like I'm some kind of nut. That only makes me all the more angry. The sad part is nothing changes. He continues to be oblivious to what I need and does whatever he thinks should be fine. The end result is just more stress in a time where I'm already stressed to the max.
Sometimes I find myself wondering if I wouldn't just be better off out there on my own than trying to live with someone who says he loves me but doesn't really work at participating in this marriage. The loneliness of the situation is bad enough without the intrusions into the things that make my life bearable.
It is a difficult place to be and it's really getting old. Then it's not the only thing getting old. That's probably what scares me the most. As I age I can't help but wonder if I haven't sold myself down the river. All of the healing I accomplished and I still didn't end up in a healthy relationship. It just doesn't make sense.