It is in difficult times I find myself analyzing what I do. What gets me into the fixes I find myself in? What can I do to ensure I don't keep falling into the same pitfalls? Looking at these things I find myself facing an obvious conclusion, I have issues with trust and loyalty.
You would think with my childhood history of victimization that I wouldn't trust anyone. Yet, that is most definitely not the case. However, once I decide that I will trust a person, I probably tend to trust inappropriately. Instead of letting someone earn trust gradually, I dive in head first and expect that persons values will be like mine because of what I have heard and not necessarily what I see.
Once I have given that kind of trust, I don't give it up easily. Despite warning signs that tell me those values important to me are not really important to the trusted individual, I hang on with a loyalty that is undeserved and get myself burned in the process.
Such misappropriate granting of trust and application of undeserved loyalty are indeed victim behaviors. As much as I would like to say otherwise, I know that is the case. Any therapist worth his/her salt can tell you victims are known for granting trust in this manner and being loyal long after it is appropriate.
I like to believe that I am "healed" from my victimization as a child. I guess in many ways I am but clearly when it comes to these two issues, I have much to learn. Unfortunately, that learning seems to be coming the hard way.