Sunday, January 31, 2010

Listening

I was on a friend's blog today and she'd asked about goals or resolutions for 2010. I know it's nearly February but it occurred to me there was a goal that would be helpful for me. That would be listening to that inner voice of mine.

That voice seems to keep me out of trouble when I pay attention. When I don't I can end up in trouble clear up to my neck, sometimes even farther. Yet, it's not uncommon for me to tune that voice out particularly when it's telling me about people. Why is that?

For me I think I get caught in wanting to be fair. Fair seems to dictate a lot of things I do. Yet I've found that wanting to be fair seems to set me up to be exploited by others who don't have similar intentions. That inner voice has recognized who those people might be on first impressions. in the interest of "fairness" I have ignored the warnings, built relationships and gotten myself in some not so good situations. I need to fix this.

Trusting that inner voice seems to be more difficult than trusting people who don't deserve to be trusted. I'm not sure why that is. I just know that it is. I assume it is part of human nature. If not that, then some hanger on from old victim behavior. Either way, I would like to be able to put more trust in my inner voice and less in those that it warns me about. Easier said than done.

It's not that I don't hear that voice loud and clear because I do. I just don't heed the warning. When all is said I done, I clearly remember the warning I received in the first place. Yet time after time I disregard that warning and end up realizing I set myself up yet again. I'd like to stop repeating this behavior and move on to healthier things.

What about you? Do you trust your inner voice? Or do you disregard it like me only to find yourself in a mess?

9 comments:

achieve1dream said...

I don't think I can hear my inner voice. I too trust people too easily. Not dangerous people, but selfish people who only want to use me. I'm tired of being walked all over too, but I don't know how to prevent it. It seems when I stand up for myself everything goes wrong. Sigh. Good luck listening to your inner voice.

jumpinginpuddles said...

we are fast learning that inner voice is right so we often dont leave home without her LOL.

ive sent you a test email again so lets see if this one gets through

Astaryth said...

I always try to listen to my inner voice. When I meet people I usually know right away if I am going to like/trust them. The few times I've gone against a 'bad vibe' about a person and given them the benefit of the doubt because I had just met them and how could I -know- they were bad news..... I was proven right and they -were- bad news. So, yeah, I think that inner voice is usually in the right.

BTW, I'm thinking it was my blog you had visited... and if I am right, I am proud that you consider me a friend!

katie said...

what a good post. very thought provoking. i have a hard time also listening and trusting my inner voice. sometimes i can't distinguish an inner voice of fear from one that is telling me the truth. but i'm working to grow closer to my instincts. to be more trusting of myself.

thank you for sharing your thoughts on this~

Rising Rainbow said...

Astaryth, your experience with your inner voice is the same as mine. I doubt my perception for the very same reason and in the end it gets me into trouble.

it was indeed your blog I referenced. I am proud to have you for a friend as well.

katie, thanks for visiting my blog.

I think part of the reason I don't listen to my inner voice is because I do have that voice that responds from fear as well. Sometimes I can't tell whether it is the voice I can trust or the one that keeps me stuck so I go head on into a mess.

I think if I could go slow instead of rushing headlong into something, I'd be ok. But once I decide to give someone a chance the door is wide open. From there it's downhill.

katie said...

that's how i feel too.

in my case, sometimes i'm afraid someone is bad for me, and i act accordingly and end up ruining things myself. the good thing is that as time goes by and the healthier i get and the more i surround myself with healthy, safe people for me, this has become a more rare event. so i'm optimistic that though we struggle with things in our lives, that doesn't mean we always will.

i can also relate to your words about rushing headlong into things with people and think that may be part of why you and i have had trouble discerning later whether or not someone is trustworthy.

i have done a lot of boundary work, but still have more to do. sometimes i get a good "feeling" about someone and open up way too much and feel vulnerable and my emotions get very strong (because i'm so emotionally engaged i think). and then it can become difficult to see the other person clearly. i get insecure and doubt myself and fear rejection and those sorts of things.

what i've been working on this past year is trying to give myself more time opening up to new people. this feels very unnatural to me, but i think it is a safer way to behave. to not force emotional intimacy. to let things happen gradually. to try to learn how to detect when "the right time" is for sharing things.

for those of us who never learned how to trust, we may have played loose with our hearts, like gambling. "well, i'll bet all my money on this one, i sure hope it works out!" kind of thinking.

i don't know if i'm still relating to your experience or have just rattled off on my own.

but i wish you all the best as you work your way through this situation. and i hope you get to the point where you feel clear on things and feel comfortable with those in your trust.

sending wishes for "clarity" your way :)

dinkleberries said...

Well said, I know exactly what you are speaking of cuz I see the same thing in myself. However, my daughters are much more intuitive. And they are inclined to rebuke me for my lack of boundaries. But I do see it as parenting success that their intuitive skills haven't been suppressed so much. I think that if we keep looking at this and watching our 'failures', success will come. Just don't give up. Maybe it's just my imagination, but I think the better my nutrition is the better my judgment is also.

Enola said...

I have too many inner voices so I'm not sure which one to listen too.

Kahless said...

I think that is a very good resolution MiKael.

Life isnt fair. And when you try to be fair, you probably arent because one persons fair is another persons unfair. There is only one person you can only really control being fair to, and that is yourself by listening to yourself.

I regret at times when I dont listen to myself. Yes I want to do that more in 2010 too. Our own inner voices rarely let us down. I sometimes find it to my peril to ignore my inner voice. My innervoice has told me not to do something sometimes and I have ended up with speeding tickets as a result!