Saturday, January 30, 2010

Different People

I was recently accused of being different people by someone who I had said didn't know me. I guess the response was a way to justify not knowing me in the way in which I was referring. However, it did get me thinking about the conclusions others can draw just because they think they know what being a multiple means.

Funny, those of us who have the diagnosis would like to have such a clear picture of just exactly what that means. The problem is there really is no clear picture. All people diagnosed with MPD or DID are different. That makes having an exact notion of what the diagnosis means or how it presents itself next to impossible.

My answer to this person was that he had not seen different people. Pretty much no one has seen different people for many many years and that was only during the time of my therapy. I can be confident of that because it's pretty much how my system works. Presenting in a detectable way would have gotten me killed back in those days my system was developed so my system was created in such a way as to avoid detection while still protecting me from the abuse I endured.

The thing that struck me with the accusation that I was different people is that it was an easy way to blame me for the this person's behavior. It is one thing to tell a person over and over that you are a friend and another to prove it with one's actions. For me I believe that friendship can be measured by how someone acts when things get tough not what one does when things are smooth. It is easy to point the finger in blame, not so easy to take responsibility for oneself and one's actions to help find a resolution through the rocky times.

I wonder how many people diagnosed with MPD or DID take the blame for other's behavior because they feel guilt about being different. I suspect it is a high number. I hope maybe they can learn the only thing they must take responsibility for is what they do. What others think or feel because of our diagnosis is not our fault even though that finger of blame might be pointed our way.

Feeling guilty about being different is just another one of the traps laid to keep us stuck in victim behavior. I have long shed that old behavior and while I might have spent some time recently doubting myself, I will not be caught back in it. I will stand up for myself no matter how difficult it might get.

3 comments:

Blooming Psycho said...

Thank you for your kind thoughts to me at the Psych Sewer. I really don't know just what is keeping me stuck in this depression. Usually I cycle out more quickly, which leads me to believe its at least partly situational.
Even though I don't have DID I've been accused of being "a lot of different people" or pretending to be something I'm not. I think a lot of people are just looking for someone to blame for their own issues.
If you like you can also visit me at Blooming Psycho's Funhouse.
Thanks always for your support.

katie said...

thank you for sharing your experience on this blog. i think what you're doing here is so brave and important. the only way people are going to learn more about DI/MP is for people to share their experience. and i think it's good to point out how unique each person is and just because two people dissociate, doesn't mean they will be predictable.

i don't have dissociative identity, but though i feel like i've learned a lot about it through reading and knowing people with it, i would never EVER presume to know the reality of another person. no matter who they were.

i tend to think anytime someone says "i know you" and they're saying this in a way that challenges your own memory or perception of yourself, honestly that seems like a red flag to me. sometimes people are manipulative and try to put other people into a position of confusion or dependency in this way. sounds not like a very good "friend" anyway.

i think it sounds like you take good care of yourself and have a good sense of who you are and how your mind works.

Kahless said...

It was my mothers birthday yesterday. I have been spending thinking time about everything that has happened and I have to tell myself off firmly not to feel guilty. I guess sadness and guilt can be mixed up.

I dont know why I just said that. I guess I was initially just going to say that even us singletons can be different people to different people.