I don't know if I've posted about this or not before, if I have I guess I must need to go down this road again. The last year and a half have been kind of rough around here. I've lost some friends and I feel alienated from a lot of people in the horse community. I'm also having some issues with part of my family.
That may not seem like a big deal but it's affected my sense of well being. I find myself looking over my shoulder and wondering whose saying what about me. It's not a good place to be.
I've tried to look at this and figure out why this is happening. I've been involved in this industry for twenty or so years now and this kind of crab is new to that experience. Why is this all happening now? What has changed? Have I changed?
Well, I think I have changed since this stuff has started happening. That's for sure. But is it a change in me that caused it to happen. I don't think so.
The common thread in all of this is the "source" of this information that has changed how I see those people around me..............from my family members to business associates. These things I have not experienced first hand as much as I have been told about them. All of them have been negative perceptions of me by other people. For example, I've been told "they" call me the crazy lady from Graham.
There have been a couple of experiences that have been first hand but those things might just be explained as a reaction to what they might have been told I said. Just as I have reacted to what I was told. Does that make sense?? In other words, I'm beginning to think that maybe this source has been actively involved in stirring the pot so to speak.
Now I find myself wondering if this information is accurate and if I should really trust it. It has certainly turned my world upside down.
I can only guess why this source has put the effort into making sure I get this information he/she has to share. I hate to assume anything. But it's gotten to the place that I really am not sure that I should trust this source at all. It is possible that these things I have heard are not true or are an exaggeration. Either way, they have been a destructive force in my life. I need to figure out what to do. Who can I trust? And are my new found perceptions valid? What a mess!
I sure could use some help sorting this thing out....................