The other day I saw Dr Wayne Dyer on the Bonnie Hunt Show. While this man has written over thirty self-help books, I don't think I've read even one. Not because I don't like his message or anything like that. I guess maybe he began his climb to "self helf guru" fame as I was finishing through the process of remodeling myself. What ever the reason, I've missed him as an expert.
I'm not really sure why I watched him this time. Maybe because Bonnie Hunt began her show with a rather personal discussion about her own life. It's not the kind of fare I'm used to from a host on talk television and I guess that drew me in. Then I hung on to see what Dr Dyer had to say.
He talked about a number of things but the one that stuck out to me was the subject of forgiveness. I know forgiveness is a sore subject for many of survivors of childhood abuse and it's certainly not something that I know much about. I guess that's why the subject struck me the most.
Dr Dyer grew up in an alcoholic family. He said for the longest time he carried around a rage because of it that completely comsumed his life. Not until he let go of that rage, did he get free of the past.
I've been thinking about it since then and I'll probably be thinking about it for a while. My question is "How does one forgive?" Is it something that just happens? A place one works to? Just how does one let go and forgive?
I realized something during this questioning. It's not just that I don't forgive........I don't think I've ever been forgiven. Sure.....I've been forgiven for little trangressions like forgetting the milk or that Lindsay wanted blue instead of pink..........but for anything major. I'm not sure that I've ever been forgiven.
I know my oldest daughter has not forgiven me for what she thinks I did to her as a child. I suspect that my oldest son also has not forgiven me. And obviously I am estranged from my family of origin because they have not forgiven me for not being what they expected. So maybe I'm not good at forgiveness because it's one of life's skills that I've never learned.
I know how to be pissed off and mad at the world (figuritively speaking) because I've been hurt. But when that anger is enough and move on........not so much.