Sunday, December 20, 2009

Enough

I seem to have trouble deciding when enough is enough. I can be unhappy in a situation but keep hanging in there for what seems forever and ever. Nothing changes so I go on being unhappy.

I understand that my happiness is up to me but I get caught up in all kinds of things. Depending on the relationships I can tell myself I need to be loyal or maybe my expectations shouldn't be quite so high. Whatever the reason, I convince myself to continue and the hole just seems to get deeper and deeper.

I can also get caught wondering if somehow it's really all about me. Maybe I don't connect with people because I am so flawed, so damaged by my past that I really will never connect. Maybe the longing I have for a connection is a void that will never be filled because I am too guarded to let anyone in.

Granted really don't let just anyone in. I know I am guarded but I do look for people I can trust. Sometimes I find them.......or I think I have only to let them in to have them hurt me or take advantage of me. This leaves me wondering why it always seems to end up this way.

Maybe I am into "All or Nothing" thinking It certainly feels right now like the whole world is untrustworthy even if I know that isn't really the case. Am I somehow playing into this old way of thinking even if it's not obvious? I guess I don't really know.

I chose to live my life believing "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." is a plausible possibility. Yet double standards seem to be more of the norm. I am beginning to wonder if there really are people out there looking out for anyone but themselves.

Maybe that leads me to thinking I really shouldn't put up with anything more. All I know is I am struggling with more than one relationship where I feel I'm getting less that what I bargained for. Trying to figure out where that line might be is exhausting me.

Do you have trouble deciding when enough is enough?

4 comments:

Enola said...

I'm a all or nothing person. I have a very hard time finding a middle ground. So yes, I'd say I'm all or nothing and have trouble finding where "enough" or a middle ground is.

castorgirl said...

I always have trouble deciding when enough is enough. I find it incredibly difficult to end any sort of relationship - especially a professional one. It can all be falling down around me, and I still keep on going. In my case, I always blame myself for the failing relationship.

I wish I had some words of wisdom about this, but I don't. Just a shared experience.

Take care,
CG

WannabeVirginia W. said...

I think everyone, find it difficult when to say enough. It is that small glimmer of hope that it will get better or the situation will change - that we all cling to.

Depending on what the circumstances are, if it is something I can walk away from easily and if it is within my control then I can say enough without hesitation. Sometimes, we find ourselves in much more complicated situations that it is difficult to make changes or walk away from something.

jumpinginpuddles said...

but when is enoguh enoguh if you are feeling like a nobody. functioning for functions sake makes me feel sad because there is so much more to life