So many significant religious holidays this week, it's a Satanists field day. However, I was noticing yesterday (Good Friday) how none of this really phases me anymore. It was "nice" to be aware it was a day that had been plagued with horrible memories for me, yet to no longer be affected by it. I thought that sharing that information here might give hope to some survivors who need it. There really does come a day when it's all just a distant memory.
I also couldn't help but reflect on the small child within me who used to do such penance on Good Friday. The thought of that child down on her knees throughout the entire three hour stations of the cross ritual now makes me smile. The conviction of that child that Jesus really could and would forgive our sin was absolutely amazing. I have no doubt her strength is part of what saved me.
Yet even now I can't help but wonder why no adult noticed the extreme guilt this child carried. Why the priest or some adult parishioner didn't notice the inappropriate depth of her guilt and question it is beyond me. I can't help but think some gesture might have brought her some comfort..........but none ever came.
Still she hung in there for years participating as a most devote Catholic hoping that Jesus himself would save her when her hour to be judged was to come. To this day I have a warm spot in my heart for that three hour dark brooding ritual that somehow brought hope to a child who sorely needed it. It's strange how we have come full circle through such ugliness only to find the beauty in ourselves. I doubt that's what the satanists had in mind. Yet, I'm pretty sure that child would tell me that's exactly what Jesus had in mind.