Monday, February 9, 2009

Thoughts about Dark Entries

As I said in I Found It! some of my journal entries are very dark.......maybe most of them are. Dark not necessarily meaning the content of the memories, but rather the emotions they evoked. I had wondered about posting anything so black but I have come to a decision about that.

It would be presumptuous of me to think I am the only person who has ever felt such overwhelming emotion. Actually, even more than presumptuous, I think it would indicate some kind of grandiose thinking on my part. I have long since given up anything like that. I know others struggle with the same intensity that I did and that is at the root of my decision.

I understand when a person is in the throws of dark depression, the feelings are so isolating that the isolation itself can be crippling, let alone the depression. That thought motivates me to share those dark times so maybe others will recognize their dark hole isn't as unique as they think. Just understanding someone else has been in that place and come back out can be a life line. I know that from personal experience.

So I am going to post some of those dark brooding journal entries in the hopes they will be helpful to someone, somewhere. If not in the realization that they are not alone, then maybe in the process that freed me.

I did put myself through a trial trying to come up with answers.........forever answers. Heck, I'm still always seeking answers but it's interesting to me to look back at that dark place and see how I challenged it. And while I can sense in some way that old heaviness, it no longer has me by the throat. The feelings are only those of a bad memory.

I'm also hoping that just maybe someone caught in such a place might see that it really is possible to get free. Depression does not have to be a way of matter how dark or how black, it can be overcome. Of that I am living proof.


Marj aka Thriver said...

I'm glad to hear about this project and process you're going through. I wish you much energy and optimism for the task. Keep keeping us updated!

Hey, will you have any extra energy to host The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse in the near future? Or was your offer for sometime....down...the...road?

jumpinginpuddles said...

we agree to never talk about dark thoughts leaves so many more scars. We still have terribly "dark" thoughts after terribly painful memories and like you we question all the time and try to find answers which leads to deeper darker thoughts as exasperation takes hold.

And i was wondering about your opinion on my recent blog "this will shock you"

Rising Rainbow said...

Marj, I expect this process will be slow. There is so much information and I'm not burying myself in the work. Just doing a little bit each day sorting things out.

I thought I left a comment on your blog asking about March to host the carnival. Sooner is actually better for me than later.

JIP,I'm glad to be to the point I am free of those dark thoughts. I hope that day will come for you soon.

I will check out your new post.

Missing In Sight said...


What an inspirational post. Thanks for sharing your posts and entries so the rest of the blogging doesn't feel so desperately alone.

I'm better for your posts. Tx.

Marj aka Thriver said...

Alright! Let's go for March. Have any week in mind? I'll be out of town 3/20-3/25 (kid's spring break) so let's do it before or after that, okay?