Tuesday, December 9, 2008


After the last post I still have things running around in my head. Sometimes writing helps me sort things out and put them to rest. Then other times. like now, they just sit there still swirling around.

I guess it was reasonable to think that this would be one of those time since things were just all a mush. There were no "theme" or thoughts that made any sense to me......just a bunch of words all jumbled up and not really taking form.

I guess for me the issue is about "love." What is it really? What can you expect from those who "love" you. I guess I'm feeling right now like I have no idea about any of these things.

I would expect someone who loved me to be concerned for my welfare after my surgery, even if it was an out patient procedure. Even if the only results are feeling lousy or hurting for a few days, I would be concerned about anyone I care for.

So what does it mean that my daughter was too busy to check on me? And probably underneath that lies what does anything mean with her lately?

She says she loves me..........but does she? Is that love out of some sense of obligation? Of does she really care? Is it reasonable for me to expect that she might call and check on me? Or more likely to think that maybe she's not capable of loving me any differently than she does?

Am I setting myself up expecting anything from her? Would I just be better off to not count on her for anything?


Missing In Sight said...

Dear RR,

I'm so sorry to read you are still struggling with the issue of love regarding your daughter. It sounds as if her brand of love is very disappointing to you.

All I can offer you is to take what you can from her. She may only be capable of "loving" you from a distance. I know the feeling of wanting more affection than what nature suggests, but try and give her the ability to love you on her terms. You may be surprised that one day she will come around and meet you on the emotional level that you desire.

Best wishes,


Kim said...

Colleens not showing you that she loves you at all. If she did, she'd of found time to call you, and to see how you are doing. But apparently she didn't care to call.

When my grandmother was in the hospital this year (she turned 80 this year) my two aunts and my mother spent hours in the hospital with their mother, my grandmother. My aunt in CA flew in to WA and spent 8-10 hours a day in the hospital with her mother, my grandmother. She's better now.

To me, what love is, is when you care. And when you take care of your loved ones, your loving your loved ones, when you care to take care of them. You know? And when you do anything that takes care of your animals, your showing your love for them. And Colleens not showing her love for you, and if she is only saying she loves you, and not showing that she loves you, really all her love is lip service.

I'm not sure if she's capable of loving you. And with her attitude (I think she acts like a victim) I'd not count on her for anything.
You must of had a hard time raising your kids, since your family made you broken. And made you who you are. But amazingly you don't want to be a victim of your raising, you want to be functional and not be like.. Oh, feel sorry for me, I was abused during my life by my family!

Because to some extent, there's been some mistreatment and abuse from the older people and mothers to the younger people and the kids. I think you've been way more abused and to a more serious extent than you've ever treated Colleen, and I don't think Colleens been as badly abused by you, than you've been abused by your mother and family.
It's a hard decision to expose your kids to your mother, when your mother has abused you like she has.
Or should you allow your kids to be exposed to your parents, so they can KNOW how you've raised and treated. My mother has her shortcomings, but I'd never know why my mom is the way she is, had I never been exposed or been around or know my moms parents. Certainly, my mother's parents did a worse job raising my mom, than my parents have done raising me. And your family and mother has done a way worse job raising you, because of all the abuse they've done to you, than you've done raising Colleen.
Colleen needs to stop feeling like a victim, and stop feeling sorry for herself. She's 40 now(right?), and she needs to grow up and act like an adult. And stop acting like a victim. She needs to realize you haven't been a perfect parent, but, what is she expecting from you? you've had a hard life, and your surviving and you are living your dream of breeding fine Arabian horses. Colleen needs to go live her dream, whatever that may be. And stop acting like a victim! I doubt her life has been that bad, that she needs to act like this. And stop treating you, like your intent in life was to be a bad mother to her. She needs to grow up. And then maybe once she does, she can truly love you. She needs to love you for you being a better mother than your mother. I certainly love my mom for being a better mother to me than her mother has been to her.