Thursday, November 6, 2008

Fake Memories

I was asked recently if it was possible that my memory of certain events were really memories planted by the cult and not really things that happened to me. At the time I only addressed those particular memories....which were real by the way, because the person asking had particular interest (if not hope) in wanting them to be something other than they are.

While I can certainly understand wanting this crap not to be what it is, the only way to heal or help someone else heal from this stuff is with the truth. That means wading through all of this and figuring out what is and isn't the truth.

It would be easier to go through this with black and white thinking. Meaning it either all is the truth or it all isn't. However, when dealing with the cult that just isn't the case. They work very hard to convince their victims that things are real that really are not.

Why you ask? That confusion works to their benefit. It helps keep people stuck. It has a way of overwhelming that somehow smothers out the hope.

The difficult thing, of course, is figuring out what is and what isn't real. While most will hope that the most horrifying memories are not real, that probably isn't the case. The illusions the cult creates are more sinister than that. It's hard to explain exactly so I'm going to tell the way I know best. That's with my own personal story.

As I posted in Generational Satanism I have memories of my mother, a brother and my grandfather involved with the cult. (Lots of memories I might add.) Actually I am indifferent to their involvement. For me it just answers lots of questions I had about those people in the first place.

However, I also have what I am pretty sure are fake memories of other family members as well. These memories are limited and odd. They just feel wrong to me. The memories don't fit with who I remember those people to be.

Now that might sound strange. If everyone in my family who was involved were multiple, there could/would be many, many faces of those people. However, the ones I am sure about could never fully hide behind their masks the ugliness that was inside.

These others, particularly my fraternal grandfather, the whole picture doesn't fit. Something about it just screams at me that this was a trap designed to conquer me. I know from what I was taught, that this kind of programming is very very common.

The details can be changed to suit the "needs" of each individual. You see its important to crush all hope, all belief in human nature, all love to turn someone over to the devil. Each of us has our own window to what is good and what is bad in the world. The cult programmers are experts in locating and turning the lights out in the good window.

For me, that light would have been held in the arms of that grandfather. To make him one of the bad guys would mean that there was no hope in this world. I thoroughly rejected that programming. That may be one of the keys to how as a child of 7, I was able to stand up to them.

I write this so that survivors and those who work with them might understand there can be falsehoods. But they probably are not where you would hope or expect. They will be in subtle things that have big meaning only to the individual who is programmed. AND those things probably won't look big to that survivor at the time or even in the first remembering. It is only in the restoration of the puzzle that the true meaning can be seen.


jumpinginpuddles said...

there are some memories that dont fit or add up or as you said are odd those are the memories we believe are there to try and convince us we are lying.
I beleive they are planted because whenever we gget close to something major these sort of A typical bizarre memories come forward stopping us or preventing us from wanting to speak further because we dont want to share lies.
But if you cna overcoem that then what usually lies underneath the smoke screen they created is the truth.

Battle Weary said...

If you want to get "right down to it"...all of our cult memories were "planted" by the cult, since we wouldn't have any cult memories without the cult. I may blog bout this cause I'm not sure anyone will get what I'm sayin. Feelin a bit bitter and angry...especially when people (innocently or not) question the validity of memories...we question them enough on our own.

jumpinginpuddles said...

we have found for us that behind a significant memory lies a smokescreen to keep you away from it. Wether thats planted or not im not sure but i am certain that some are.

In otehr words what we have found id that in order to protect the major event certain things were put into place to keep you away from there and focussed on something else. This is how they had to do it to keep the ritual always in secret.

Anonymous said...

I stumbled across your blog while researching DID to gain a deeper understanding of it so that I can help a young friend (that I suspect has DID) to get help.. I want to thank you for being brave and courageous by posting your story.Who knows, in the end, how many people your blog will help, by shedding light on the suffering of those who've been prey of horrid SRA. Bless you.