Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Me, Meds and Depression

In the comments on Still Battling Along with Depression Frazzled Farm Wife asked if I took meds. I thought maybe I'd address that issue here since I have pretty strong feelings on meds and my system.

First off, I'm really not a taker of medications in any form if I can find a way around it. I have learned that sometimes they are necessary. That's the only time I"ll take them.

But for me and depression, I really don't believe meds are the answer. Although I did let a doctor talk me into taking them a while back. I found them not to be useful and quit almost immediatelly. I'm sure that there are those that would say I didn't give them a chance, but the fact is I worked through the things that were causing the problem and didn't need anti-depressants because I was no longer depressed.

Now that might be because I wasn't "clinically depressed"..............whatever in the heck that really means. I will say that I wasn't suicidal although there were thoughts floating through now and then. nothing to make me nervous or to feel like I was in any kind of jeopardy though. And I guess that's kind of how things are now.

Maybe because I'm a multiple very co-conscious with my system I'm aware of those feelings but separated from them at the same time I don't feel particularly threatened by depression. I feel those feelings in a muted or filtered form and am directly separated from the part experiencing them.

Because of the way I experience those feelings I am not easily overwhelmed by them. That gives me the opportunity to find my way through to a resolution........even if it does take some time.

I don't know if that makes sense to the non multiples who read here but functioning this way certainly allows me some protection from my old programming. It also allows me to help diffuse that old programming when it rears it's ugly head.

I guess what this means in this current incident is that I find myself really subdued in my daily life. I'm weighted down by the heaviness of the depression and it colors everything I do but I am not immobilized by it like I would have been in the past. I can keep moving along finding the steps to take to neutralize what's causing my depression in the first place.

I've learned over the years that the first key to my depression is always about feeling powerless. The very moment I begin to feel powerless over anything, some part of me somewhere will get depressed.........and some parts even suicidal depending on how powerless I feel.

Finding ways to feel powerful again help with those feelings. Sometimes it will just keep them at bay until other measures can be implemented. While other times it will quiet the depression all together.

Currently I am in one of those times that I'm pretty much keeping that depression at bay. I know that I must find solutions to take back my personal power and resolve this thing. I also may need to do some work with the issues of the particular part that is most consumed with depression right now. Whatever it takes, I know that I will conquer this thing. It's just going to take some time.

I'd like to add that the support I get here, really helps my system to battle some of those old messages that come along with depression. That message that "no once cares" is a strong one that I will always struggle with. Your comments really help to silence that voice and I so appreciate each and every one of you.


Patricia said...

Hi - I read your post and the other one on depression, too. First off, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I've dealt with depression on and off throughout my adult life, and know how hard it can be... I wanted to encourage you (and others out there) that do not want to take meds that there are things you can do yourself that really help. Exercise, like you're doing, has been shown to be almost as effective as some SSRIs in treating mild or moderate depression. Also, a healthy diet (stay away from sugar, white flour, caffeine, etc.), meditation, and even some herbs like St. John's wort all can help. And cognitive therapy with a therapist can teach new ways of responding to issues in your life. I've used a variety of SSRIs with success, but didn't want to take them long-term given the side effects. Thus, for the last year I've been trying more natural approaches like the ones above, with positive results. So, just know you're not alone...take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself. Best of luck.

Lynntaketwo said...

I totally understand this, RR. My experience of depression is similar in some ways, though anxiety has been more of a problem. I also feel that drugs do not help me. They can be useful in an emergency, but it seems their main job is to just cover up the real problem. I think that's what makes so many of them addictive. (Yeah, yeah. I know... they are 'not addictive'. And I think the drug companies sell swampland in Florida on the side, too.)

emilyfirstgirl said...

Hi - great point you made.

You said:
"Maybe because I'm a multiple very co-conscious with my system I'm aware of those feelings but separated from them at the same time I don't feel particularly threatened by depression. I feel those feelings in a muted or filtered form and am directly separated from the part experiencing them."

Yesssss. Powerful stuff. I feel exactly this way - part of me is pretty depressed and not accomplishing much. The depression scares me. On the other hand, (and I have DID), *I* am doing good (I am not usually front). I am AWARE that there is depression here, but it doesn't affect me as much. I can feel it pushing against the membrane between us, but it will not get me.

You are right - I am not sure anyone not multiple could identify with this. It is strangely a neat thing.


Kahless said...

Depression sucks.
Anti-depressants suck.

Lily Strange said...

I can't tolerate most medications, whether they are for psych stuff or for pain or allergies. The only medications I can tolerate are a small dose of Lithium and over the counter painkillers like Tylenol or Aleve. Everything else I do is a vitamin or herbal supplement.
One thing that seems to help with depression, has no side effects and is almost impossible to overdose on is Vitamin D. Taking 2000-4000 units a day seems to be most helpful. Also for stress a B-100 supplement is helpful and has no side effects other than making your pee smell funny.