Wednesday, July 30, 2008

She Knows How to Deal with a Multiple

It seems amazing to me that with all this trouble with my daughter and granddaughter, The Old Story.............with a New Twist that I find my daughter telling my husband that she knows how to deal with a multiple. Just the fact that she has made that statement makes me want to close myself off from her about as tightly as I can get. The farther we get down this road, the more sure I am that protecting myself is about the only thing that is wise for me to do.

I had hoped that some of the old issues between my daughter and I had healed and that maybe we could start to build a real relationship. But it's clear that things have not changed at all. She is still justifying her behavior just like when she was a teenager and playing games.

I find it hard to believe that a rational adult can justify the behavior of a drugged addicted teenager and yet I'm pretty sure that my daughter is still viewing that time in her life from the viewpoint of that kid. I guess until she really takes responsibility for all of those things she did back then, there is no way that she's going to be able to see the games that her daughter is playing now.

From the time she first became a mother, I found myself feeling I needed to protect myself from her. I always felt that she would use her children against me if given the chance. Now it feels like that is exactly what's happening.

I doubt that she is as calculating as she was back then, but it doesn't make her behavior any less painful. I find myself struggling with the decisions about what is "best" for me in handling each new interaction with her or my granddaughter. I doubt she even realizes that there is a problem. Or if she does, I suspect she thinks it's a little one and it will go away.

I guess that tells how little she knows me. This is no little problem........it is one of gigantic proportions. Her decisions because she "knows me" nearly cost me my life and even I had no idea that was possible. The spin my system took out of control was terrifying and it could have been deadly. I may have beaten the odds before, but I wouldn't want to keep risking my life betting that I will always be so lucky. I'd just as soon not have those kinds of tests in my life.

There is so much about me that I don't know..........so many compartments in my mind that are left unopened. I can't imagine anyone thinking they know how to deal with me when I am never totally sure how to deal with myself. I know the usual things that keep me on an even keel but I have a healthy respect for those secrets that I have tucked away. How do I get my daughter to realize if she wants to continue to be a part of my life, she needs to understand that she can't control my behavior............and she sure as hell can kill me by trying.

12 comments:

Kahless said...

when I read "knows how to deal with a multiple" I thought the same; that statement says it all (that she certainly doesnt.)

Surely it is about knowing the person first and foremost.

You definately need to protect yourself as a priority.

Rising Rainbow said...

kahless, I am afraid that you are right. As much as I wish things could be different, I just can't see any other way to protect myself. It's clear that my daughter can not be trusted to be honest. Game playing is too much a second nature to her.

Kahless said...

And if she doesnt realise that there is a problem, or classifies it as a small one, then I suspect she really doesn't 'see' you at the moment either and therefore could do harm again, even if it is unintentional.

Tamara said...

RR,

I am sorry that you have to make this hard choice in order to protect yourself. But, you do have to protect yourself.

Sending you lots of love and support,
Tamara

keepers said...

we can offer no advice when it comes to children and their illogical treatment of their multiple parent. We are still trying to figure that out to no avail. Go with your gut and instinct and protect yourself first is all we wcan say, that and we send you hugs

peace and blessings

Keepers

jumpinginpuddles said...

any one who says they know how to deal with a multiple immediately tells me they know diddly squat cause if they did they wouldnt need to announce it and usually directly afterward they do something to tell you they know diddly squat

jumpinginpuddles said...

tried to call you today but you werent home just wanted you to know we are thinking about you

Kahless said...

I am thinking of you too....

Anonymous said...

Pushing my luck...

A blog topic ....

For selfish reasons...

But to make clear it isnt about blogland but RL ...

How do I know I can trust someone?

Or more specific, I am in a position that I can do someone a favour... but I am not sure if I do it then they will stab me in the back... And doing them the favour I will put them in a position where they can do that.

I want to be loyal, but I wonder if they will be disloyal in return... ?

Any tell-tale signs?

Loyalty is dead important to me.

(btw you know who i am but I like to be anon when I allude to work my friend.)

Jaime (An Infinite Mind) said...

I know I am a random stranger to this blog but while doing research for my organization I came across it. I hope you don't mind as I am unaware of your history but I cringed when I read, "know how to deal with a multiple." I hate being reduced to a label with my friends and especially my family. I don't need to be dealt with at all but if I did, I would prefer it to be said, "I know how to deal with Jaime." I am still a person. I am more then my label. It's about respect.

Thanks for allowing me to post here. I hope I didn't offend.

Jaime
If you're interested...
An Infinite Mind
www.aninfinitemind.com

Lily Strange said...

It's interesting to me that some people seem to be born with manipulative tendencies. They are very difficult to deal with. And we do have to protect ourselves from them even though it may hurt to distance ourselves.

Lily Strange said...

I am also insulted whenever I meet one of those people who knows how to "handle" a person of whatever diagnosis. I also hate being seen as my diagnosis and being dehumanized, as if my feelings mean nothing and I mean nothing. I had a situation happen about a month ago that may make you laugh. This idiot con artist found my MySpace profile that is one of my ways to hopefully promote my book. He seemed to notice three things. That I was an older (over 40) female, that I was not thin, and that I had a mental disorder. He somehow failed to notice that I put "in a relationship" on my profile. He started hitting on me real hot and heavy. At first I thought he was just creepy, then I realized he was trying to schmooze me for a green card and I went off on him. People who make the mistake of seeing me as weak and easily manipulated because of my bipolar "blessing" are in for a big surprise!
Unfortunately it's a lifetime of dealing with such predators that has made me far less trusting.
It's hard when the predators may be members of our own family, and people that we care about. Some people are just that way.