Friday, June 20, 2008

More on Too Different To Belong - Not on Your Life!

Part 1

First off, I want to acknowledge that there was a problem with my first post. I offended another blogger. I'm not going to go into the details because I don't want to call attention to that blogger. But let's suffice it to say there was some discussion about changing my post.

I just wanted to remove what I thought offended the person but the person said I didn't need to remove that part but I could rework the post. So that left me really confused. It wasn't the message of the post, I wanted to change. I would not have changed the message because I believe it's an important one. Without removing the one part, I see no reason to rework the post so I have left it as such.

Taking into account the comments that have been left on the original post, I think it would be a disservice to delete or change that post. Particularly to JIP whose question triggered this post in the first place. That post was a powerful message for one of her littles. Removing that post would send a negative message to that little and I can't do that to her. So I'm leaving it the way it is.

I wrote about the feelings that bind all of us together, victims or survivors of abuse. It doesn't matter what stage of the process one is on, or if the process is even started, what's important is the feelings are all the same for anyone in the group. It doesn't matter that some of them weren't ritualistically abused like JIP and me. What matters is those feelings.

Those feelings are what connect us all as human beings. Regardless of our history, it is being able to relate to another human being that gives us comfort. That's what we need to build on....... to heal.

The more we focus on the differences, the farther away we push ourselves from what we seek the most.......belonging in this crazy world of ours.

I feel like I belong because I recognize the similiarities. Once I was able to identify them in my abuse, I began to see them other places in my life as well. Each new thing I accepted as being like another person's, brought me one step closer to feeling like I really belonged in this world.

I must admit that for a huge part of my journey towards healing, I had no idea there was anyone quite like me on this earth. My recovery was on the fore front of the Satanic Ritualistic Abuse wave that rocked the 1980s. New ground was being forged and many therapists were overwhelmed by stories such as mine.

I knew I was more damaged than most right from the start. Even those in my survivor's support group didn't have the kind of defenses built up that ruled my world. I doubt that they recongized this about me but I sure knew it was there.I think it was their acceptance of me that allowed me to care for them and begin to feel connected.

In those early days, the others in my group were in far more pain than I had any connection with inside of me. I felt for them. I watched them struggle with the realization that others knew and didn't protect them. I also watched as they tried to make sense out of their lives. I felt connected to them because the abuses they were reconcilling were real memories for me as well.

I didn't loose that connection when the "dark" memories started for me. By then I was attached enough and so were they, that I was able to maintain that connection despite our differences. Then the fact that the extremes of my abuse actually helped them face their own issues helped me to feel like it was ok that there were differences. Those differences made our relationships stronger in many ways.

Even after the agency where I received treatment made their big blunder as decribed in the Lunch and a Movie series. , I didn't allow myself to give up and believe that I was different after all. Even today with new memories spilling out sometimes, it doesn't matter. Nothing can change that realization that I really do belong on this earth and it all started with being able to tell myself that I was NOT so different from others after all.


Patches said...

thanks for this post- it gives us something to thing about.

Mary said...

I think I belong but I'm still not sure. Growing up I had a feeling of not belonging, maybe it was because I was adopted and didn't feel that I belonged anywhere. Or my sense of belonging was covered by abuse and stole every sense of my being....Mary

Kahless said...

Maybe the fist step is being able to speak up and share to realsie that we are not alone.
Sometimes (just like the blog I've just come from) i read anothers words and they bring up my similar pain (when maybe I was trying to pretend it wasnt there) and make everything so real for me.

Tamara said...

Sometimes I feel like I don't belong in the world of people who had good parents and good childhoods. Then, I find out that they have other kinds of pain in their lives and realize we are all just trying to make it through this world and each of our pain is both unique and the same. And, everyone's pain is as real and hurtful to them as the next persons.

Realizing all of that helps me feel less alone and less of an outsider.

April_optimist said...

YEAH!!!!! Oh, how I identify with what you're saying! In my own journey I've gone from thinking I could never belong anywhere to feeling as if I am far more like everyone than I ever could have guessed. Great post.

jumpinginpuddles said...

we agree sort of now well put it this way we are getting there LOL

Cheesemeister said...

I always worry so much about offending others that I often don't say what I'm really thinking. I one time had someone get really, really mad at me for what I thought was only a joke, and I was not thinking about them in any way when I made it, it was a self depricating comment directed at myself. You never know what's going to offend someone!
Occasionally I feel like I belong to a small but cool group of outcasts. Usually when I'm hypomanic. When I'm severely depressed I don't feel like I belong anywhere.