Sunday, March 2, 2008

Childhood Coping Skills Cause Adult Problems - Part 2

Part 1

For example in this comment , Kahless is thinking that Everybody will put the knife in at some point.............human beings in general are not nice.......everybody has there own agenda. All three of these excerpts are examples of all or nothing thinking.

So let's address the points of the argument. Everybody will put the knife in at some point While I can understand feeling like that from time to time, the statement is not true. The average person is way to busy with their own life just trying to get by. They do not have the time, energy or inclination to be wanting to take advantage of other people.

Everyone makes mistakes. Those might result in hurting other people. But most people do not really intend on stabbing whoever they can in the back. Most people are just trying to get through life. (I might add here that usually what causes one person to hurt another has to do with protection)

Human beings in general are not nice While it is true there are individuals out there who are not nice, there are lots more out there who are.
You only have to watch the TV for ads for charitable organizations to know there are a lot of people out there giving their hard earned money away trying to help out to other guy. Those organizations wouldn't be spending their funds to raise more if the public didn't make those advertising spots worth while.

Not to mention there are a zillions scams after every disaster. Each trying to sucker people into donating to scam artists instead of real charities. There's no way those scummy scam artists would expend the energy if human beings in general were not nice. Scam artists understand that there are lots of nice people out there.

Sure the scammers just see them as suckers but to me, when the little old lady on limited income scrapes up $5 to help the flood victims, she's making a huge sacrifice. The kid who went to the San Francisco wharf and collected $748 from total strangers to feed starving horses. The list goes one.

Millions of people are involved in professions designed to help humanity. There are teachers, counselors, fire fighters, police, nurses, lab technicians, again the list goes on and on. Most people chose those kinds of professions because they want to make a difference. Human beings in general want to help others.

Everybody has there own agenda. This one makes me laugh a bit because I have to say it's true. But having one's own agenda is NOT in and of itself a bad thing.

My agenda here is to help survivors of abuse, or for that matter any one who might need some help that I can give. I want people to know what happened to me and others like me is real. Maybe that information will someday put a stop to this stuff. Oh yes, and let's not forget, I would really like to write a book and get it published. That is part of my agenda on the web. But I don't think writing a book will make me rich in dollars. I think it will make me feel like what I went through finally has a purpose, helping other survivors. I think I can reach far more with a book that I will ever reach on this blog. So does this agenda make me bad? I think not.

Of course, there are a lot more examples of people and their agenda that is not harmful to other people. It is ok to take care of ourselves as long as it's not at the expense of others. Having an agenda is NOT a bad thing.

The point of going over these and really countering the beliefs is that is how I learned to change that thinking. I learned to look for what was real instead of how I thought as a way to learn to change my view. Then by doing that I gradually learned to look for those answers before I jumped to the conclusions of my all or nothing thinking.


Anonymous said...

Hey RR...I've replied to your comment on our blog.

As for the all or nothing thinking...we call it black or white thinking but it's the same. We have several that do that...but they are working on it!


Kahless said...

Contrary to appearances, I do have an IQ of 141.

Hummingbird said...

HI RR, Thank you so much for checking up on me. I'm still here, and I'm ok. Busy with life, and trying to stay steady.

Your blog is an inspiration to me. It is ( you are) such a wealth of understanding, wisdom, compassion and truth based on grounded fact. I just needed to tell you what a gift your words are. I think you should write a book about your life. I mean it.

Your journey is a testament to the resilience of the Human Spirit. To the capacity to heal. If anything, so many of us NEED to know that healing is possible. Even that it isnt impossible is something we need to know; that getting on with life, that being allowed to feel (or allowing for feeling), that allowing for the possibility, the mere possibility, imagined, far away and almost inconceivable notion that life after abuse can hold joy, can be fulsome, can be okay, even more than okay, is a miracle. Your story is a miracle. The world needs to know about this. The world needs to know about you and your story.

I'm so grateful to you for sharing. I'm grateful that you checked in on me to see if I am ok. I am. Sometimes 'ish', but mostly ok. Thank you dear. Much love your way... :)

Bird, xoxoxo

Marj aka Thriver said...

Oh, I needed this. Thanks, RR! I tend to fall into this "stinkin' thinkin'" trap myself, way more often than I'd like to admit.

Hey, I saw your comment on Enola's call for THE BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE submissions and you mentioned that the theme thing kinda throws you off. Don't forget, the theme of each edition is only the first "paragraph" of the carnival. All the regular categories are still in place each month (i.e., "Aftermath, Survivor Stories, Healing & Therapy, Advocacy & Awareness," etc.). You have so many FANTASTIC posts for the "Healing & Therapy" category. I'd love to see you submit for that category every month. You have some wonderful wisdom to share.

Okay. Off my soapbox now. But, please consider! ;)

Rising Rainbow said...

anonymous, I will check it out.

kahless, that doesn't not surprise me in the least. I can see that you are very sharp. I am sorry if it appeared otherwise. That was not my intention.

hummingbird, thanks, I'm doing better with getting around now that kahless helped me figure out how to ulitilize the rss feeds.

Marj aka Thriver, yes stinkin thinkin is another term for it. I haven't heard that in a while. lol

I did submit for the blog carnival. Enola made a specific request. Now you have me wondering if I put it in the right category. LOL

That would be the place that I get stuck...going by the rules. I have this drive to live within those confines. I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse. LOL

Cheesemeister said...

I have to admit that I tend to feel the same way because I have encountered many, many people that have been real jags to me and to others. There just seem to be a lot of people that are here to grab whatever they can get and screw anybody who happens to get in their way. And a fair number of those happen to ENJOY screwing others. Like I say in my profile, I like people one on one but as a rule I find the human race a despicable entity. This is probably due in great part to my own negative experience and my (past) tendency to attract predators because I smell like a victim.