Monday, February 25, 2008

Revisiting Valentine's Day - A New Cause - Part 2

Part 1

I'm going to say starting off right here that what I'm going to disclose may or may not be in the particular order that it happened. I am just the great grandmother here. I have been delegated a position of support but not have had first hand involvement in this process. I have been stuck in the position of waiting for updates and discussing options. Lots of things have happened that I have heard about much later making it hard for me to be clear on all the time lines involved.

Researching legal facts is right up my daughter's alley. She should have gone to school to be a paralegal. There is nothing she likes more than digging through the law to figure out what is right and she is darn good at it.

In no time at all my daughter knew the laws in our state in regards to adoption. She knew that her son didn't have to surrender his parental rights. She knew that even if he chose to do so, that she and her husband still had rights to the child over any outside family that might want to adopt. She knew that even if the mother and maternal grandmother objected, she and her son still had these rights. She also knew the whole process this adoption must go through before it would be legal.

Despite all this information and knowing there was no way this baby should be taken away from my grandson, I was still on the side of covering all of the bases. There's plenty of evidence in this world to suggest that things go wrong even when people have rights. I still had a nagging feeling telling me my grandson needed a lawyer and he needed it yesterday.

My daughter located a lawyer in our state who specialized in this type of case. The only problem was the lawyer was on the other side of the state in Spokane. The internet was not giving up information on anyone that would be helpful in this endeavor.

The morning of Valentine's Day, the birth mother was admitted to the hospital to have her labor induced. Even though the due date wasn't for three more days, the woman was miserable. The doctor decided that was enough reason to induce and Valentine's Day was the only day available. I hope the condition of the baby was considered, but I have not information on that. Just a sense of concern that the mother's condition seemed to be the issue.

My grandson spent most of the day at the hospital wanting to be supportive and to be there for the birth of his baby. The birth mother had her mother along as well. The child that my grandson and this woman share was actually at the home of my daughter's mother-in-law. So despite what these two women were trying to do for my family, they were still calling on us for help. The whole thing was just weird.

Sometime during this period, the maternal grandmother of the coming baby cornered my grandson and told him to back off. She threatened if he tried to interfere in the adoption that the mother would take the child back. She would make sure he never saw his baby and his other child as well.

I kept checking in with my daughter on Valentine's Day wanting to know the progress of this whole thing, the birth, the adoption, an attorney, anything to make sense out of what was happening. It was late evening after I had already done my Valentine's post that I got the word the child had been born. It was a healthy girl.

The next morning my grandson worked on finding a lawyer. He got referrals from the lawyer from Spokane who specialized in such cases. The attorney also confirmed the rights and procedures that my daughter had discovered. From there the young man spent most of his day trying to hire a lawyer.

The problem was the holiday weekend. Because Monday was a holiday here in the states, most lawyers had wrapped things up early extending their long weekend. My grandson had no luck in getting through to anyone in an attorney's office.

In the meantime, back at the hospital, the adoptive family arrived with their lawyer to see the newborn. The birth mother had signed the papers relinquishing her parental rights. There was mention that the lawyer wanted to talk with my grandson but beyond that, I know that didn't happen. There was talk that the mother would be leaving the hospital in the morning and at the time the baby would also be leaving going to the home of the adoptive family. How could this even be happening?

To be continued....

Part 3

8 comments:

Kat_womanx2 said...

Oh what a tragic mess!!! I hope your grandson gets to speak with someone soon. I thought both parents had to agree and sign before an adoption could take place. My thoughts are with you!!

Kahless said...

I wonder how this can be even happening too. Fathers have rights surely they can just take the baby away? Is money involved?

Rising Rainbow said...

kat_womanx2, this is a big mess and not the way it is supposed to go. But clearly there is a hole in the law that allowed this to happen. I believe my daughter will be taking that law on no matter how this turns out and I will be right there with her.

kahless, no money but lots of controling and manipulating.

Enola said...

I've seen that too many times. The time to hire a lawyer is BEFORE the baby's birth. To get a restraining order in place in advance. I've, unfortunately, been representing the adoptive parents sometimes, who are strung along by the mother to think all is well, only to be jerked into reality by a father who has not been consulted.

It's a sad, sad thing. I pray your son finds help and can protect his rights.

Frazzled Farm Wife said...

How sad for everyone involved! I sure hope everything works out for your grandson. My prayers are with you and your family.

Lynn said...

This is just sad, RR. So many children are not really wanted and they are eventually treated accordingly. This little girl's father wants her. I hope this ends well. I know what you mean about people's rights just being ignored. How cruel and cold of this birth mother to deny this child the father who loves and wants his little daughter! If she can't raise the child, I don't see why she can't simply step aside and let the father do it or share the responsibilty with him. That poor baby girl. It's too bad the adoptive parents don't know about the father's interest in his child. If they did, and they really cared about the welfare of children, they would step aside. If they find out later, there will already be an attachment between the infant and the adoptive parents. The whole thing sounds very messy and potentially quite harmful to the child.

Rising Rainbow said...

enola, I sure understand that would have been ideal for my grandson but he had no clue this was coming until two days before the baby's birth. While it is clear that she had this planned for a really long time, even though they were living together, he just didn't see it coming.

I think because they already had a baby together he expected things to go the same way.

frazzled farm wife, thank you for your wishes and your prayers.

lynn, I totally understand you thinking, most people would think she could step aside but that's not going to happen as much as we wish it would.

As for the adoptive family, my heart breaks for them as well. I'm sure they are caught in lies they've been told and believe they are doing the best thing for the child. And you couldn't be more right about it being messy.

Cheesemeister said...

I can only wonder how his rights can be completely ignored. I always thought that the birth PARENTS (including fathers) had first rights with custody of children. There are more holes than a Swiss cheese in the legal system.