Sunday, February 24, 2008

Revisiting Valentine's Day - A New Cause

I don't normally write on this blog about what's going on in my life from day to day. The reason for that is mostly my daily life is consumed with horse stuff and that's what I have the horse blog for. The funny part is I rarely post there about what's going on from day to day, it's usually something from the past as well. I guess I just have much more exciting history than I have going on in the present.

Well, that was true until Valentine's Day. I know I wrote about What Valentine's Day Means to Me - An Anniversary in a series, but that was about Valentine's Day last year and how it changed Valentine's Day this year.

But how the current events of VD this year have affected me were nothing more than a possible event when I began my Valentine's day post. Just as last year it had taken days for the drama to unfold, this year was more of the same. Valentine's Day 2008 had its own little story unfolding. I still don't have it's full impact on my life and may not for a while.

It's funny how that happens sometimes. Life can come along and kick you or throw you a bone, either one, and you won't know until later the extent of that incident. You just have to live each day doing what you can do and waiting to see what happens.

So what happened on Valentine's Day this year that could be as important as what happened on the same day last year? Well, life always trumps death in my opinion. so this is probably more important that last year and hopefully will be another great reason to celebrate Valentine's Day around here. A baby was born.

I knew that my oldest grandson and his girlfriend were expecting another baby. The child was actually due on my birthday, Feb 17. Most of the family had mixed feelings about this blessing.

It is the third child for the girlfriend (both born while she was in high school) and the second one by my grandson. They have been living together on and off for a while and really struggling to support the children that they have. Accidental pregnancies can be disruptive and the relationship was rocky at best. This child would be born into difficult circumstance.

It's one of those things in life I have to remember the Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can and I the wisdom to know the difference. I cannot run my children's or my grandchildren's lives. As much as I know the roads they may be travelling are frought with difficulty, those lives are theirs to live and the mistakes theirs to make. I can only hope and offer guidance so that this child might be unscathed by the challenges presented to this young couple. My heart goes out to them all.

Two days before Valentine's Day things took a turn. I received a distraught call from my daugher. The girlfriend was planning on putting the baby up for adoption without my grandson's permission. She had gone so far as to see a lawyer and make arrangements for the adoption. Labor would be induced on Valentine's Day and she was planning to turn the baby over soon after.

To say the sh*t hit the fan would be a gross understatement. While the girlfriend could not see why this turn of events should affect her relationship with my grandson, he was devestated and felt betrayed. He called his mother wanting to know if he could move back home and bring the soon to be born baby.

There was never a moment's hesitation with my daugher or her husband. She is the mother of all baby lovers, I swear. Where she got that gene, I haven't a clue.

Babies are difficult for me at best. They scare me I think. I love them, but I like them best when someone else is holding them. I look at newborns and think of all the pain they are capable of experiencing in this life and it overwhelms me. The legacy of family is still haunted for me. I worry for them. But back to my daugher's reaction.

Everything that was happening was so confusing. My daughter began to do research on the internet to find out what her son's rights were and what her rights were in regard to this baby. She also began looking for attorneys who specialize in the rights of birth parents and grandparents in contested adoptions. Something odd was going on and she wanted to be prepared.

I had a really bad feeling about this. Something inside me said this was only the beginning. I tried to be supportive but at the same time felt the need to encourage my daughter to be prepared for the worst. I advised her not to be complacent because she knew their rights. People's rights get tromped on all the time. My heart was sinking fast.

To be continued.....................


Kahless said...

Oh RR; I am sorry.

The full story and what happens will take time to unfold. And I am sure your grandsons girlfriend didnt just suddenly come to that decision overnight. I am sure there is a lot going on that hasnt surfaced yet.

As you say, there is only so much you can do, but that doesnt make it any less painful to you watching the pain of your loved ones.


Lynn said...

Sometimes it's hard when all there is is to sit back and watch.

Twisted Little Deviant said...

Hello RR, My name is Tracy and I have been following your blog for quite some time now I feel as if I know you but just a little. I'm sorry about the recent problems you have had and also a Happy Birthday is due so Happy Birthday. Would love to talk with you more in depth one day,
Tracy and family
Please feel free to contact me at sparklethenfadetoblack @gmail or anjolyp@yahoo

Lily Strange said...

Holy crap, what a situation. I hope that the girlfriend comes to some kind of sense and allows your grandson to keep his child. I'm sure she is overwhelmed but it's his child too. This is why (as of course you and I and most people with some maturity) one should be married and preferably at least in their 20's before having kids. Young people today are even more impetuous about things than even in my youth, and that was the 80's, the time of wild sexual abandon.
I thought I had given you the address to my psych blog, which is hidden, but maybe I never did. I've got mild short term memory problems (which I'm beginning to think are mostly caused by my schedule) and so who knows...if I repeat myself, that's why. The psych blog is
I update it more often than the Gnutty Gnostic, which is mostly metaphysical discussion anyway.

lovelee said...

You are better at keeping people hanging than a series. I will be anxiously waiting for how this unfolds.

Enola said...

Oh gosh - I hope it has a happy outcome. I've been the lawyer too many times in this situation not to be concerned. Prayers for your family (and I have to admit to being astounded that you are a grandmother. I still can't get past the fact that, in my head, you're at least 15 years younger!)

Rising Rainbow said...

kahless, boy, you said a mouthful there. There's so much more going on than I will post. This young woman has endured some severe damage in her young life. It is very sad but it doesn't make this any easier.

lynn, thanks for the hugs. I hate feeling powerless.

tld, thanks for the bday wishes. I hope the blog is helpful to you.

lily, holy crap is right. I couldn't have said it better.

lovelee, I don't usually tell stories here but guess when I do, this is how they come out. Life is so full of twists and turns, they are never lost on me. I am always so amazed at how things can happen, I guess I can't help but pass that along.

enola, I hope it has a happy outcome too. But one things for sure, someone's going to get hurt in this whole deal. It's very sad.

Just remember, in my head I am at least 15 years younger too.

April_optimist said...

What a difficult situation for everyone. And how hard it must be for you to watch.

DJ Kirkby said...

You are a grandmother and a soon to be great-grandmother? Wow!

Rising Rainbow said...

april_optimist, it has been difficult and frustrating to watch.

dj kirby, actually I already am a great grandmother to as 4 year old girl. Scary huh!

EquineSpirit said...


dressagemom said...

Oh my, I'm so sorry for the turnoil. I hope it all turns out for the best somehow.

Anne said...

I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what this must be like for everyone.

You are right to reach for God and to remember the serenity prayer. All easier said than done.

I hope that things will work out in the best way possible for everyone and that this won't be a battle that tears out hearts. Not off to a good start.

Again, I'm so sorry.

L said...

Yikes. Praying for this situation, MiKael.