Thursday, February 7, 2008

More of Kahless's Questions on Feelings and Such

I've been working on another series of questions from Kahless. The last in the series was Even More Questions on Feelings and Such I haven't posted in this series in a few days because I have been exhausted. I am just now getting back to working my horses after being off sick for two months.

After working six horses, frankly my body is shot and my mind mush at the end of the day. The horse blog is easy to write but this one takes some mental effort on my part. So I found myself zoned out in my rocking chair instead of working on this blog. Will I strive to do daily posts, once in a while, life gets me. I hope you all understand.

So back to that list of questions.

Q: Sibling relationships through abuse into adulthood. Can two siblings, one in denial and one in truth ever rub along in a health way.

A: This is a tough question. While I can understand not wanting to let go of siblings, I'm not sure a relationship with an unhealthy sibling can come without a price. The Osmonds sang that song with the lyric, "one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch." I think that applies here.

How can you have a healthy relationship with someone who is unhealthy. If they are stuck in the distorted family rules of the past, it's not likely they can shed them to interact with a healthy sibling. Odds are the interaction will be colored by manipulative behavior because that's what those old family rules are all about.

Anyone who seeks to get free of that old family stuff and get healthy is rocking the boat. The whole dysfunctional family structure strives to knock that rebellious party back into line so the family can function in their usual manner and the boat can sail smoothly again.

Q:Reconciliation of psychology and caring therapy (I am not sure they go together.)

A: This is an odd question that I am unsure how to answer. Psychology is the study of human behavior. Counseling is the process of teaching or guiding a client towards good mental health. They are not the same thing at all.

Just because someone has a degree in psychology does not mean that they have good mental health. What it means is they have studied human behavior and have been able to pass certain tests explaining it.

How they chose to interpret the facts they have learned would distinguish whether or not they would be a good therapist or a dangerous one. I've certainly seen some very manipulative psychologists out there. They are usually engaged in supporting the behavior of other manipulative people. That's not what I would call good mental health.

That doesn't make the study of psychology defective but it may mean the testing is. I don't know what to say, just that I don't believe because someone has a degree in psychology that they would be a good therapist. Also, as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't mean they are a good person.

Counselors and psychologists, just like other segments of the population, will have good ones and bad ones and those in the middle. Finding the right one would be challenge and really probably should involve an interview process.

I think I only have a couple of more questions left from Kahless and I will address them in the next post. If anyone else has something they'd like to see posted, just let me know.


katy said...

for years i kept the whole 'happy' family thing going, when i eventually spoke the truth i was the bad one in the family, in time we made contact again, and for me that was the worse thing to happen. now i am free from them all i feel so much better in myself, i do still love my siblings and their children but from afar. I will always wonder how they all are but can no longer be part of their lives.

Marj aka Thriver said...

You just go to that rocking chair whenever you need to. I hope you get some rest and feel better. You don't ever need to apologize to me. God, you're an amazing, prolific writer...and helper.

jumpinginpuddles said...

just wondering if you could write about good grounding techniques that youve found works for you, keepers a while back did her lot and it was really helpful was wondering if you might be able to do the same?
We know youre exhausted and if you cant its ok but we have found having other ideas useful and maybe others will also

casey said...

RR...I didnt even take the time to read this entire hit such a nerve for me.

I have worked very hard over the years, trying to come to terms and accepting the past. Making mistakes along the way, and keeping on.

I have a sister whom I love very much. We are kind of alienated, and I believe it is because I frighten her. I dont mean to, but I know she prefers to live her life without dealing with things.

This girl is so filled with rage, that for many years getting together with the entire family was an ordeal. She would not open me or anyone...sought no help...acknowledged nothing, but berated all family members even the non abusive ones. This occured until my mom passed away in its almost like she has disengaged totally. She has a relationship with a brother who for years referred to her as the "queer" and faggot. (She is gay) Yet...I cannot reach her.

As a matter of fact, I stopped calling her because it was like pulling teeth...with her not calling me back. (I always got her answering machine)

She does see weakness in me I think. I have bipolar..and have struggled with different things my entire life. Its easy for me to think she is just fed up with me...or perhaps she finds a relationship with me too taxing. The truth lies in there somewhere perhaps...but there is also the fact that I am very open. I discuss the abuse...the shame..the many things. I have never hidden my issues, or the routes I have taken to heal.

I miss her...but at the same time, I can no longer set myself up for pain. I am is far too short. I dont even know why I am writing this to you.

I just felt so overwhelmingly sad when I read the first few lines of your post. Like an idiot, I am sitting here with tears...and there is nothing concrete I can do. I guess I had shoved the feelings I have around this subject down somewhere. In a few minutes I will move on to something else...and the feelings will subside. Thanks for listening.


keepers said...

When you wrote "Just because someone has a degree in psychology does not mean that they have good mental health." you were so right on!!!!
We will leave it at that.

peace and blessings


Kahless said...

Thank-you RR for taking the time to answer these questions. Sorry it has taken me so long to get over here. I did read this post on bloglines just wasnt up to commenting.

I think you are right, you can't a healthy relationship with someone who is unhealthy. So I guess it comes down to the question, do you want an unhealthy relationship or no relationship. And then to evaluate the pros and cons.

I appreciate it that you take the time out to post these answers. Hope you are not feeling to achey from getting out in the fresh air and working with your horses again.

Rising Rainbow said...

katy, unfortunately that is how it goes for most victims of abuse. It is a sad fact but true.

marj, thanks that rocking chair is seeing lots of use this week. lol

jip, I will have to think about grounding techniques. It's been so long since I started down this road, I just do them automatically without even thinking. But that sounds like a good idea so will do something along those lines.

casey, I am sorry that this subject still holds such pain for you. You are not an idiot because you have tears. You are human and you love and with that comes pain. In my book that is not a sign of weakness.

Thank you for sharing.

keepers, yes I knew you would understand about unhealthy psychologists. Others need to know a degree doesn't make someone safe.

kahless, thank you for sharing the questions. They are appreciated.

It really bugs me how hard it has been to get back to working the horses. Getting old is really the pits!