A while back I began to answer
Another Group of Questions - Starting with Group Therapy followed by Another Group of Questions - Part 2
These questions were asked by Kahless in a list of questions she provided to help me with topics for blog posts. I haven't finished that list, so I'm back picking up where I left off.
Q: Do some people just not do feelings much and compartmentalise them away and is that just them and ok?
A; I believe that when people compartmentalize their feelings instead of dealing with them, sooner or later it will come back to haunt them. Compartmentalizing them is just a fancy term for stuffing them. Neither is effective. I know from experience that stuffing my feelings leads to depression. I believe that studies have been done that suggest it also can lead to health issues.
Q: How you can get in touch with your anger / express anger healthily
A: I think when we explore our past, we get the opportunity to get in touch with our anger. But before we can get angry we must accept that we have a right to be angry and that there is something to be angry about. Like the earlier posts have mentioned, most victims tend to minimize the damage that was done to them. The anger will not come until those minimizations have been dealt with.
As for expressing anger in a healthy manner, I think first off it has to not be in an abusive manner. It's not ok to confront someone we are angry with and call them names or misuse our personal power in any way. That kind of expression will not be healing at all.
Appropriate expressions of anger can come in direct confrontation. But I think it's best to rehearsh such confrontations so that we have a good idea what we want to say. By practicing it with someone we trust, we get the chance to try things out to see if it comes out like we'd planned and make changes if necessary. Also, practicing makes it easier to get it the way we want it when the confrontation is for real.
There are lots of therapuetic ways to get anger out. I really liked throwing darts at pictures of people I was angry with. I think I've also mentioned before sculpting bust of particular offenders and dropping them off a balconey. I've beat the heck out of more than one pillow. Although I've learned to not used the goose down ones, it's not pretty when they break open. Writing letters and watching them burn. Building models of houses and torching those has quite a good feel. There are a zillion creative ways to get anger down to a more manageable size. Oh geez, I forgot the most obvious one, exercise!!!!
Q: Do some multiples go through life never knowing that they are multiples?
A: I believe the answer to this questions is yes. Even professionals are beginning to believe that many multiples function just fine the way they are. It seems to be only if some major trauma happens that it tips the balance in the system. Then things spin out of control and they seek out help.
I didn't really spin out of control to get help although I did late in my therapy when the agency made a big change in their policy and removed me from my group. Even after that I managed to keep my system from destructive behavior. Had it not been for that policy change, I think I would have sailed smoothly through my process.
I have an idea that my stability was because the satanic abuse stopped when I was seven. I think my system adapted to that and settled in pretty well to dealing with my "normal" life. Even being raped and married to a couple of real bums didn't tip me out of control. I did have a few missing hours but I really had no idea they were missing. It was more like they were forgotten than gone.
I sought help because I realized that it must have been something about me that I kept picking jerks. That and the timing of what I'll call the public "outing" of childhood sexual abuse were perfect to get me onto a healing path. I don't know whether I would have hit the depressed state I was in had I not already started a journey towards healing. I think it was only once I began exposing my feelings that I ever felt the depression. It was probably there all the time but I was so out of touch with it, I didn't have a clue.
My guess is that's the way many multiples are. Like Truddi Chase, she functioned very successfully in the professional world, no one had an idea she was part of a system. Had it not been for her divorce, I doubt that she would have tipped out of control either.
to be continued...........
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did depression