Questions from Anonymous

Questions from Khaless
resulted in more questions from my readers. While the questions did come with an identity, the person wishes to remain anonymous. So I cut and pasted the comment including only the relevant parts to the questions the commenter was asking., thus honoring the request for anonymity.

I would like to add that I appreciate the commenter identifying herself to me. It tells me something about our relationship and for that I am grateful. It also makes it easier for me to answer questions that sometimes feel quite intimate.

Before I begin with those questions, I want to include an observation I made as I wrote the last post. You might have noticed that in the writing of that post, I went from "I" to "we" in reference to myself. I do that quite often, That is because we know that "we" are really one person. We function as one person. But we still have some very real walls dissociating us from one another. Just because they are not obvious to the casual observer does not mean that they don't exist.

Q: Do you suppose the parts who have died were simply integrated?

A: No, those parts were not integrated. I have many integrated parts. I didn't loose anything in the integration except the walls.

Q: Do you think that they have gone because they revealed what they had and there wasn't anymore to share and thus you didn't need those parts to continue being separate?

A: No, the parts died and some before they shared all they had to share. However, they were able to hang on long enough to tell us the pertinent parts of their experiences. They cried out to us as they were passing. The body could feel their pain but the therapist personality managed to patch the system together well enough that the younger tortured feeling parts were not able to feel it also. But the feeling parts that had matured as we lived our "normal" life, it was some of them who could not be protected. They experienced the torture and pain they were never designed to endure and it killed them.

I can understand because I am a multiple that people might find this hard to believe but think about this. There are many animals in the animal kingdom who can only tolerate so much pain. Then they lay down and die. Humans are within that group. Older couples when one mate dies, the other follows soon after. Homeless and sick people who get tired and give up. It is a known phenomenon.
As a child I saw others tortured who died from the pain. Not from the injury but from the pain. They just could not cope with any more and they quit living. Who is to say that with a psyche that has been so fragmented as to be able to subvert a person's free will (Human Nature with All It's Twists and Turns , that the walls created can not be distinct enough and strong enough to protect the entire system from death when particular parts have been injured enough to kill a normal human being?

We function with parts who can be co-conscious and witness another feeling part's pain but can remain emotionally detached from that pain. Those are the parts that witnessed the passing of the missing parts. All feeling parts present at the time of the abreaction died.

Q: Could the missing information be stored somewhere else and it did not die with them?

A: The missing information is not stored anywhere else in the system. I do not have secret parts only stories that are untold. I have access to any and all stories. If I call for information, it comes unless it is no longer within my system.

Q: Maybe it is just undiscovered?

A: No, it is hard to explain all the inner workings of my system but suffice it to say, if it was here somewhere, I could have access to it if I needed it.

I have the typical "old age" or "over stressed" memory issues like everyone else. But this is very different from that. I can "feel" the difference as I search for the information.

Q: What is the difference between parts dying and parts being integrated.

A: First off, let me say, that I don't think this is a normal process. I believe that I was supposed to die, all of me, not just parts. I think I somehow subverted my programming. I do NOT think this is normal for multiples. It's just a really wierd thing that happened to me. But the fact that I got free from the satanists at the age of seven is in itself equally as unusual.

Integration is a totally different thing. It is NOT a loss! It is a uniting of parts. Each brings to the table everything it has to offer. Nothing is lost because of integration.

The process gets more fluid and less stressful. The best analogy I can think of is like putting three different ice creams together and blending them all together until they are co-mingled. You have a new flavor but it is still familiar.

Q: IF death and integration are one in the same, AND the dead/integrated parts did NOT forever lose info and it is simply misplaced, what else have you lost by not having these parts?

A: I'll repeat that death and integration are not the same and things I am missing on not misplaced but really gone. I think that I have only lost what I have stated, memories and feelings associated with those parts. While I might still have access to part of the memories through other parts who experienced them too, that is my only access.

Q: Have you lost any functions?

A: No functions that I am aware. Mostly the losses I am most aware of are memories that are not associated with abuse.

That ends the list of questions but there were references to what motivated these questions that I will address in the next post.

To be continued............

multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did ritualistic abuse satanism