Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Hospitalizations. Medications, Are They Always Required Treatment? Part 2

The second time I travelled half way across the country to do therapy with an expert in ritualistic abuse, more accurately satanism. This man was considered to be THE expert in the field and had been treating victims for years. The only way to do this was to be admited to the hospital where he worked.

By staying in the hospital I had a room, meals, and around the clock real therapists or psychiatric nurses trained to deal with memories (unlike those in the previous hospitalization) if I had a memory at odd hours etc. And my insurance company picked up the bill except for my round trip air fare.

My reason for making the trip was I was getting close to the end of my journey. My process had been pretty controlled up to this point but a change in my therapy by the management at the counseling center removed my support system and sent my system spiralling out of control. I knew I needed help but obviously couldn't count of the resources available to me in my area. Travelling to the expert seemed to be the answer.

In hind sight, the expert was not the answer. As it turned out, the expert had been treating the same patient all of those years and she was still locked up right there in that hospital when I arrived. I met her the first night at dinner and one of her alters, a high priestess, threatened to kill me. I remember when the realization came to me if he was such an expert why was she still here.

Then there was the fact that the expert was a pyschiatrist and they don't seem to do therapy. He referred me to a therapist on staff and she, well, she didn't have a clue what I needed either.

What it all came down to was I was the one with the answers. The solutions for me were buried inside and I was the only one who could bring them to the surface.

By the time I left that place, that is exactly what I had done. I found the key to my freedom and unlocked the door letting out the child that was trapped by an offender's lie.

The day that I left the therapist told me, she had no idea what had happened in our sessions. All she knew for sure was that it was the most amazing work she had ever seen.

While the therapist didn't understand it, I did perfectly. I left that hospital finally free of the chains, all of them, including those that had bound a small child to the wall of a cell in the deepest darkest dungeon of my living hell. I was finally free of my family of origin, the brain washing from the satanism and all of the guilt.


jumpinginpuddles said...

I thought about this blog and thought we are that woman sitting at the table now is it possible to free of the horrible burden we have racing around in us right now, we really truly hope so.
Maybe the work we are doing wil lfree us of Samantha and all her shit. We can only hope so

Kat_womanx2 said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog...I always repay the favor..and was very interested in yours. Here in WV everyone seems to have "emotional issues" mostly to collect an SSI check. If all their other complaints are denied...their last resort is suicidal/homicidal ideations and depression and anxiety...its such BULLSHIT..and obvious to everyone. I can truly appreciate where you are coming from, and as ironic as it sounds..its nice to see someone with a true psychological problem that isn't a drug addict and a hospital junkie. I did clinicals in the Psych dept of a local hospital and out of about 50 patients, only ONE PERSON had a true problem. An elderly woman who sat in a gerry chair all day and had a conversation with 2 other people who weren't there. She looked at "them" both..paused to let "them" answer her and talk...I was fascinated with her. This was so real to her that she would acknowledge other people actually walking past her..and never miss a beat with the 2 that weren't really there. I didn't have time to read all your posts..but I will be returning to catch up...I hope you continue with your wonderful progress...you seem to be a really strong person.

Rising Rainbow said...

jumpinginpuddles, I sincerely hope that freedom is around the corner for you and yours. It is such an individualized journey. Just remember that acceptance is the key to harmony within your system.

Kat_womanx2, thank you for visiting my blog and for your input. It is sad to think that anyone would feel the need to fake mental illness.

It sounds like the woman sitting in the chair was indeed in a sad and lonely place. That is too bad.

I have come to learn that I am a strong individual and for that I am grateful. I hope with this blog I can share some of my strength and maybe help others along the way. MPD can be a devestating place to live.