Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Unexpected Surprise

I must have done something right. I was talking on the phone with my youngest son today. He is in a relationship with a young woman who has a small child.

Up until recently Son hasn't been dating for quite a while because he's made some not so good choices in women in the past. He's tended to leap before he looks and in the past chose two different women who turned out to be stalkers. Watching him stumble around making these mistakes wasn't pretty and his life was a mess.

He took some time off dating to get his finances in order and figure out his priorities. He's learned a lot about himself and has taken responsibility for his life being a mess. His focus has changed and he's thinking he's ready for a relationship.

Enter the woman with small child. While Son loves kids he's never had to deal with one in a relationship before. He's not afraid of the challenge but it is indeed a challenge he's trying to figure out so.....what did my son do..............he talked to this woman about the problem he was having.

He told me today how he appreciated me teaching him the importance of communication. Instead of bottling it all up, he had a real talk with the woman and they worked things out. Can you imagine that! I have a child who actually learned something helpful about relationships from me. I thought I would never see that!

My other children and even my husband look at me like I'm speaking Greek whenever I try to resolve anything around here. They're all firm believers in stuffing things hoping they'll go away.

I spent years in therapy hoping my children would have a better life because of the changes I made. Yet most everyone chose not to follow in my footsteps. Now here's number two son actually putting into practice what he learned from me. I am beside myself with pride!


katie said...

That's great :) I know I'm only now finally absorbing some of the wisdom my mom had to share with me. I think sometimes it just takes awhile for people to be ready for certain healing information.

English Rider said...

Well done you and he both. I was already impressed when you said he realized he needed to change and took time off to reflect before dating again. That is also huge.

Carolynn said...

Outstanding. Communication is a wonderful thing. I also like that he saw that his usual way of operating didn't work and tried something different. Got buy-in and shared the responsibility for the circumstance he and his new lady are in together.

Frazzled Farm Wife said...

Yeah!!!!! What an awesome job you did with your kids! Communication is the key to all and it looks like he learned that lesson from you!

Wanda's Wings said...

That's a wonderful statement to what a wonderful mom you are.

jumpinginpuddles said...

i guess when so many people put you down its sometimes amazing when we hear something so good. You are a good communicator seeing we ahve talked al ot on the phone i should know that and you deserved this affirmation.

Rising Rainbow said...

katie, I think you're right about that and sometimes there are those who never hear it even though it was there. It's good you got to the point you could absorb it all.

ER, thanks, I had heard him say before he needed to change but it took him a while to actually get passed talking about it to doing it. It's really only been lately that I've begun to see he is now walking the walk as well as talking it. I'm very proud of him.

Carolynn, yes communication is so important and taking responsibility for one's part really helps too.

FFW, I'm not so sure the others have learned. Wish that was the case.

WW, Thank you. I sure tried hard if I didn't always get it.

JIP, I guess you're right about this. I'm certainly not used to my kids thanking me for anything I taught them and I've worked really hard at improving my communication skills....... I do enjoy or phone conversations.

Ivory said...

Hi, I've been here before but not posted. So, here goes.

You have a right to be very proud of your son. Communication is practically holy - in my book (no pun intended). If families were less dysfunctional and had more communication, I really think there would be less child molestation, abuse and DID.

wendy said...

As moms, those are the "rewards" we wait for.
Communication is KEY.
I tend more towards "stuffing"....but I gotta talk things out better.

and thank goodness our kids (WELL MY KIDS) do well and survive in this crazy world IN SPITE OF MYSELF.

thanks for visiting my blog. I love new readers, bloggy friends.

wendy said...

As moms, those are the "rewards" we wait for.
Communication is KEY.
I tend more towards "stuffing"....but I gotta talk things out better.

and thank goodness our kids (WELL MY KIDS) do well and survive in this crazy world IN SPITE OF MYSELF.

thanks for visiting my blog. I love new readers, bloggy friends.

Pretty Things said...

You sound like a pretty awesome mom!

Donna said...

You should be proud! We are all proud of you, and now I want to know how many kids do you have? Being a Mom is a very difficult job under any circumstances and you are obviously doing something right.

Rising Rainbow said...

Ivory, that's for making your presence know.

I agree with you communication can fix a lot of things. I also believe that dysfunction and lack of communication go hand in hand so it only makes sense better communication should help fix family issues.

Wendy, thanks for visiting. I know 'stuffing' pretty well myself but have found my life runs smoother when I resist that urge.

Pretty Things, Thanks, I try that's for sure.

Donna, I have four children, 2 boys and 2 girls. They came in "sets" of 2 with there being ten years between the first set and the second. I think the younger ones got the benefit of my therapy work while the older ones didn't.

Kathy said...

Well that is just awesome. Good for him.

Collette said...

How wonderful! Sometimes we just have to share what we know & hope it takes. And then be so proud when it does! (((HUGS)))