Friday, October 9, 2009

Responsibility

Something occurred to me this morning that I really hadn't seen until then but before I get into what I saw, I probably should start with a little history. The major players are those same ones that have been knocking around from months...... my granddaughter, Rachel, her mother, Colleen and Richard and Angie, the people who own the facility where I ride.

Richard has been helping me get young horses started under saddle. You would think that could be accomplished without involving me daughter or my granddaughter and in the beginning that seemed to be the case. However, over the course of the last year the other players in that environment have changed. Jessica, Richard's original "dead weight" candidate is no longer there nor is Cody his second choice. Pretty much the predominate player (kid under the mentorship program) now in Angie and Richard's lives turns out to be my granddaughter, Rachel.

Now, I don't know if I stated this here before but Colleen and Rachel got involved at Angie and Richard's at my request. As much as I wanted to distance Rachel and Colleen from me and my horses, I didn't want them to lose horses in their lives AND I wanted them on the right track. I made the recommendations that got them started with both their what was supposed to be their first horse and got them the help they needed to make that work. That help was Richard.

In the beginning I was told they (Angie and Richard) did not want their involvement with Colleen and Rachel to interfere with the friendship with me. Before they would allow that to happen they would ask my granddaughter and my daughter to leave. They only took on Rachel with this new horse because I asked. I thought that meant I would be safe and maybe there would be some hope that all of this could get resolved.

However, that has not turned out to be the case. Over this past year, they have taken Rachel under their wing and decided she needs to be protected from her mother. In doing that Rachel appears to be living with Angie and Richard most of the time. She has become like one of their children, so to speak, and they now rarely see her issues with me. They seem to have become "my problem."

As part of this thing with Rachel and I being in the same place, I have made it clear that I do not want Rachel involved with my horses. As long as she does not respect me, I don't want her reaping the benefits of my horses. Just because she respects Richard and Angie does not mean she has learned or gained any new respect for me despite Richard's instance that is the case.

The two main issues here have to do with Richard using 'dead weight' to start horses with Rachel now being his only competent source of that and me not wanting Rachel involved with my horses. Now is the time of the year when we need to be getting young stock broke to ride.........and Richard says I have tied his hands by not allowing him to utilize Rachel.

It didn't really occur to me until this morning that I need to tell Richard Rachel is the one who has tied his hands. He is blaming me for the situation instead of seeing it as a consequence of Rachel's bad behavior towards me. He certainly is in the position he could tell Rachel she needs to shape up.........but he refuses to "get in the middle." Funny it sounds to be like right smack dab in the middle is exactly where he has placed himself. What do you think?

5 comments:

jumpinginpuddles said...

i think we worked that out together a few weeks ago didnt we?

Rising Rainbow said...

jip, well we talked about some of these issues but it didn't really occur to me until last weekend that Richard is holding me responsible and not considering Rachel's part in this at all. While I've known that my reaction to Rachel's lack of respect is reasonable, I hadn't reallly picked up that Richard was placing blame on me. I guess I was freely taking responsibility for my choice without really seeing his true perspective is manipulative and let's Rachel off the hook placing everything on me.

Lily Strange said...

Some people really have a gift for manipulation. I'm sorry that Rachel turned these people against you. This sort of thing is very painful.

Rising Rainbow said...

Lily, I don't think that part is Rachel's fault. She's just a kid. They are the adults here and capable of figuring things out.

Donna said...

Seems to me that there is no way for Richard not be "in the middle" if he continues to enable Rachel's behaviour towards you.