Sunday, October 11, 2009

More Complications

Not long ago Angie, Richard, Dave and I had a meeting. Richard had decided we needed a meeting before we continue our relationship. The need for this meeting had arisen because I had asked a question that Richard had taken differently than I intended.

The questions was "Are we working horses today or not.?" Richard took it that I was accusing him of not doing right by our agreement. While I have felt that he's not been taking care of our business lately, that was not the motivation of that question at the time. It was strictly about my time and deciding how I was spending it that day.

During the course of this meeting it became clear that Angie and Richard have decided that Rachel is a great kid. While that might be true it doesn't change the fact that she does not treat me any differently than her mother does. She is defensive about everything and anything I say to her, making a productive relationship impossible.

Angie was loaded with instances that she saw as me being the problem in my relationship with Rachel. She didn't know what was behind these instances or anything more than what she saw but she still sided with Rachel. After our discussion she saw things differently but I doubt it will change her jumping to conclusions in the future.

She also made the comment that I am supposed to be the adult. Granted she was trying to be helpful but at the same time how helpful can one be taking sides. If she was actively trying to see both sides, I might see her as helpful but it is clear that's not the case.

I explained to Angie how being the adult does not protect me from my feelings being linked with physical torture. I must protect myself if I am to survive and that both Rachel and Colleen are aware that this linking is a problem but fail to consider it in their decisions. They still proceed with things that could have a compromise and not cause me any pain. Yet they are more interested in being in control than working things out.

I really don't believe it is anyone's problem that I have this issue. However, I do believe that if you care for someone, you take their issues into account when it is appropriate. For Rachel and Colleen to ignore their behavior towards me can trigger that physical torture linking seems unfeeling and is the reason I chose to keep my distance from them. Whether or not Angie and Richard really get that I don't know but so far I think not.

Like I said before, I think Richard and Angie both have placed themselves right smack in the middle of the issues with my daughter and my granddaughter. While I have been trying to deal with the external assaults on my business, I have also been trying to wade through this mess in my daily life. I am in this situation five days a week. It affects me both personally and within my business.

If that isn't enough, Angie recently did something I consider to be unethical. She bought something out from underneath me that I really needed and she knew it was intended for me. Still it was something she wanted so she took it knowing full well it had been promised to me.

This betrayal has had a powerful effect on me. I no longer feel safe using their facility at all. Yet, not using it will make things difficult in getting done what I need to with my horses not to mention the fact that I am "supposed" to be there for at least another year. What I'm going to do about this, I"m still trying to get figured out.

That leaves me with not just the issue with them being in the middle with my daughter and granddaughter but there is this other personal betrayal as well. It is no wonder I do not feel safe and my world is feeling like it's turning upside down. A week hasn't gone by since the turmoil started in June when some new twist has not been thrown into the mix. It's no wonder I don't know which way is up or which way I should turn.


Kahless said...

I have been reading your blogs (on my mobile) as you have posted, but not been at a pc to comment.

I have been thinking about you and I am so sorry about the mire you find yourself in.

I have no wise words, but I will continue to think of you.

Heather said...

SOmetimes people can be very difficult. It seems that there is no perfect 'horse situation'. It seems we have to pick either good management, good facility, or good training- never all three. It is really difficult to be productive with our horses when we feel intimidated or gossiped about. I feel your frustration.