Thursday, July 23, 2009

Jeopardy

OK, I must admit, I have not been honest. Something big happened at the Region 4 Championships and it's eating at me. My daughter attacked me. Well, it felt like she attacked me anyway. She spoke to me like I was one of her children. She talked down to me in a scolding voice telling me to "back off." That translates to "shut up."

It was over something that should have not been important to her. I needed help. The help I was looking for had gone for coffee, which had taken almost two hours the day before, so I wanted to get other help not trusting they would get back in time. She was offended that I was not accepting her suggestion they would be back on time so she told me to "knock it off" among other things.

This was amongst all of the people at our barn. My daughter was cooking breakfast in front of the stalls and people were milling around AND scurrying to get two of my horses ready for their classes. The necessary preparations for these horses had not been done ahead of time like they should. I was frantic.

Getting horses into the ring turned out properly is really important to my business. I have struggled with getting people to consider me seriously and putting improperly turned out horses into the ring wasn't going to help at all. I was frantic for good reason.

Yet my daughter chose to dismiss my concerns AND treat me like I was a "stupid child." Not that I believe children are stupid, but my daughter does sometimes. When she is put out with them she treats hers with no respect, just a blatant misuse of her power. After all.........parents have ALL the power............right? Or they should, as far as my daughter things.

I was appalled at her behavior. I was also embarrassed by it. Public humiliations are one of my worst nightmares. They are a big part of my programming. I will go to great lengths to avoid public confrontations. It's necessary for my survival.

Yet here I was with my daughter treating me very disrespectfully in front of a group of people who have come to be important to me. Not only that, it was at a horse show. I know I've posted on here a lot about how important horses are to my survival. Anything threatening what I do with them, really threatens my life. My life was definitely threatened at Region 4. I am just beginning to see the ramifications of that.

6 comments:

Donna said...

I'm so sorry that your daughter put you in this terrible position, and that she treated you so badly. I suspect that you did not stand up for yourself at the time, to avoid further humiliation, I would have done the same. It's unfortunate but I also suspect that trying to talk to her about her behaviour won't do you much or any good. No words of wisdom here, other than to say I hope that you can find a way to protect yourself.

Rising Rainbow said...

Actually, Donna, I did not just walk away although I started to. She say I said "F you" to her which I don't remember at all. However, I do recall turning away and muttering it under my breath. Maybe it wasn't as under my breath as I thought.

Then I walked back towards her and tried to reason with her but she continued to go off on me so I said, "I can see why you get no respect from your children. You have no respect for me." That really set her off. But it is the truth and I am not sorry that I said it. I feel sorry for my grandchildren who have to live under such circumstances.

Then I walked away but it was only the beginning of a chain of events that continues to this day. The heaviness pervades everything I do.

Enola said...

(((Hugs)))

Kahless said...

RR,
start speaking to us more in blogland. We can support you. And writing it out will help.
xx.

Colleen said...

I am sorry you are going through this. Hugs and blessings.

jumpinginpuddles said...

no surprises on what we sre gonna say, your daughter is an adult acting like a spoilt child.