We had a barn party this weekend. Whenever I find myself in a social situation like that, I am always struck with the fact I don't know what to do there. I am ok when I am one on one with a person at the party but once that ceases, I don't know what to do next.
I can look around for a physical place that looks inviting or maybe a group of people talking that I might fit into. But I never find either. I tend to stick to "my corner" where ever that may be and watch.........listen..........and wonder.
I have always been this way. I feel like I am on the outside looking in. There must be some secret to how people get together and know how to mingle and fit in. Whatever it is, I haven't got a clue.
I always feel like a duck out of water. I am out of my element and I don't even know what my element is.........well, maybe I do. I am in my element when I am working with a horse. There I feel connected and comfortable. But the rest of the things going on around me seem to be totally foreign.
When I have a task to do I can be in public and function just fine. I have a focus, I know what I should be doing. As long as I have that, I feel ok, comfortable, in control, maybe. But being someplace, any place, without a reason and I'm dead in the water. Lost............