Monday, July 13, 2009

Alone at the Party

We had a barn party this weekend. Whenever I find myself in a social situation like that, I am always struck with the fact I don't know what to do there. I am ok when I am one on one with a person at the party but once that ceases, I don't know what to do next.

I can look around for a physical place that looks inviting or maybe a group of people talking that I might fit into. But I never find either. I tend to stick to "my corner" where ever that may be and watch.........listen..........and wonder.

I have always been this way. I feel like I am on the outside looking in. There must be some secret to how people get together and know how to mingle and fit in. Whatever it is, I haven't got a clue.

I always feel like a duck out of water. I am out of my element and I don't even know what my element is.........well, maybe I do. I am in my element when I am working with a horse. There I feel connected and comfortable. But the rest of the things going on around me seem to be totally foreign.

When I have a task to do I can be in public and function just fine. I have a focus, I know what I should be doing. As long as I have that, I feel ok, comfortable, in control, maybe. But being someplace, any place, without a reason and I'm dead in the water. Lost............

10 comments:

Paul from Mind Parts said...

While this is a terrible experience, it's not uncommon. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I am sometimes in that situation. It's strange for me because sometimes I will have no problem at all in a social situation like this. Other times I will be outside looking in.

I've come to believe that there's a trigger which causes a stress response in me. The stress response can then lead to a dissociative response. By which time you are, s**t out of luck. There's no chance that you can get back.

So, I'm very careful as to which social situations I will get myself into. I don't do well when there's lots of chaos. I've kind of told my wife that I'm okay with small groups, but nothing big.

Paul

Lady Of Chaos said...

The key is to act like you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. Whether it's sitting alone or in a group, act like it's the 'thing' to be doing. Be confident that you're fine being there, by yourself if needed.

I'm not a real social person, large crowds send me running, screaming, in the opposite direction (mall trips... well I rarely do them).

Smaller groups, I just do my own thing and I'm fine with it. I'll talk, chat, wander off, sit alone, and most people see nothing wrong with it. I just do what I'm comfortable with and most people don't even realize if I have to take a time out and wander off. :)

Do what you can, don't expect any more than that.

Lily Strange said...

I am the same way. I start to go into panic mode at parties. This is why I used to get completely wasted whenever I went to a party when I was younger. However, I don't drink very much any more, so that's no longer an option. Which is why I tend to avoid such gatherings like the plague.

Kahless said...

I feel like the same at 'do's'

I tend to sneak off home after an hour.

Frazzled Farm Wife said...

I also have trouble with that! Especially if we are at a function with lots of people that I do not know!!!!

Colleen said...

Me too!! I have that same problem! It is nice to know I am not alone.

jumpinginpuddles said...

we just keep drinking LOL

Marj aka Thriver said...

Hey, you're posting again! I'm so glad! Sorry, I haven't checked to see if you were back for a while.

I can so relate to this post. My old boyfriend used to be very social and love to have parties at our place. I used to hide in the kitchen and whenever someone would catch me I would just play the "good hostess" getting more chips or something.

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Lynx217 said...

I avoid social situations like the plague - even the semi-annual softball game my coworkers put together. I just don't feel comfortable around people. I never have. But it depends on the situation. I can sit at the bar and watch the guys play pool all day. But once the focus turns to me, I tend to vanish quite quickly.