Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Where to Start.........

Looking at all the stuff from my therapy journey, I can't help but wonder if I really want to get into this or not. Writing the book at this point means digging up things that have been long since buried. Do I really want to do this?

I guess I must because I haven't put the stuff away. The notebook with the first chapter sits right next to the chair where I sit in the evening to relax. Right there where I can't miss it, I'm sure there's a reason for that. There always is.

That's not the only thing that makes me think I have decided although I keep telling myself I haven't. I have a new to me desk that I've just moved into the house. Despite several efforts to do something with that desk, it just sits there bare waiting for the right project. Could that project be my book?

Since it looks like I've made my mind up, I have to figure out where to start. Do I want to just charge right in and write or do I go through the stuff, mull it around and maybe share some of those memories here before I begin to write?

There is some fear about going through this old stuff again.....and maybe some dread. When I try to get started I find myself procrastinating. What do I do? What do I do............?

Yet, last night when I went to bed, the words flowed through my head. The beginnings of a chapter longing to be written were so vivid and clear I thought I would never forget. However, I should have gotten out of bed and begun because, obviously, I did forget or I wouldn't be mentioning it here. Those words were so dramatic I was sure they were etched in my memory........etched like those images of long ago. Yet here I am.....wondering what those words no avail.

Also I'm trying to decide is what to do about my paintings. They are such an important part of my story I think it would be helpful for some to see........but only if they want. The pictures are graphic........very graphic. I'm thinking I don't want to post them here but instead make up a private blog for them. Anyone wanting to see them will have to contact me. That way I won't have to worry about some perv misusing them. What do you think?


little wanderer said...

go ahead and write the book it is the right time for you to do this, yes keep the paintings private, for no, one day you will also be ready to show the world the paintings x

Enola said...

I think whatever you decide is great.

You could post the pictures here but leave them password protected. I know people that do that.

Rising Rainbow said...

little wanderer, for me it's not about not being ready to show the world, it really is about the pervs who might use them as pornographic material. When I say graphic, that's exactly what I mean. I don't mind sharing them if it will help someone heal, but I don't want any sickos to get their kicks from them either.

Enola, That might be easier but I don't know how to do that. Do you know if it is easy to find that information in blogger?

I read a horse blog that has done this and I never bother to sign in for some reason.

Kahless said...

I would like to see your paintings.

Missing In Sight said...


I read the ambivalence in your post, but I also read a longing, a wanting to write the book. It sounds like your sub-concious is trying to write it and you're vetoing the measure.

I wrote a book and then tore the whole thing up. I regret it. Writing the book was very cathartic.

I encourage you to write what you're able; don't tackle the hard stuff yet. The book doesn't have to be finished tomorrow. Take your time with it. It takes at least a year to write a good, solid book.

As far as the paintings, I would love to see them.

Take care.

jumpinginpuddles said...

i have tried to call you and will try again tomorrow im hoping ot talk to you in person,

Marj aka Thriver said...

Yay! Write the book! I know for me, I can get lost "researching" and organizing forever. All the "instruction" I've ever had on writing has advised to just sit on the butt and WRITE!

Best wishes.

P.S. I'd like to see the paintings.