Surgery

Tomorrow morning I am scheduled for an outpatient surgery. What it is isn't as important as the effect it is having on me. Ever since it has been scheduled I have been stressed out to the max.

There are a couple of reasons for this stress. The first is I am told that this is a very painful procedure. The surgeon actually suggested to my husband that he might want to check into a motel for a couple of weeks while I recuperate. That was his way of saying how miserable I am going to be. I doubt that anyone would feel comfortable waiting to find out exactly what that means.

Then there is that old issue of trust. How does someone like me trust that I can be under anesthesia and come out the other side ok. So many times I was told this was one of the ways they could get me and no one would ever know. Those old voices are having a field day in my head.

As if that isn't enough, there is the possibility that someone, besides the cult, could do something bad to me while I am vulnerable. It's not the usual thing that happens to people when they have surgery, but crap like that does happen.

I feel like I am facing some weird kind of double jeopardy. On one hand I can't wait for the waiting to be over. On the other, I am terrified of reaching the other side. I doubt that sleep will come easily tonight.