Tuesday, July 15, 2008


I have been able to calm many of the other parts within by forming a plan of action.(That and cleaning stalls has always been settling for me.......maybe it's the fact I can think while I'm cleaning.) As long as I can keep them settled I can keep them from fueling the emotions of the shadow children.

The biggest obstacle is the wide assortment of things it takes to soothe my different parts. The most effective of all, of course, has been the horses but right now I am vulnerable through them. I am too susceptible to deal with my daughter or my granddaughter. One wrong move and this precarious balancing act I am trying to pull off would be disrupted. That could cause a cataclysmic reaction.

Since my daughter still has no idea of the dire consequences she has triggered in my system, I cannot trust her to protect me at all. That means I will be keeping my distance. With the six horses I am riding over near her home, it makes it difficult to do the riding I need and still protect myself. Not that I've had much time for riding since I'm taking care of Lindsay and the horses at home, but it sure would be helpful to get back on a horse.

I had hoped to take a couple of the horses from here and trade them with the two of the stallions from there but Dave got called into work and that was the end of the plan until he's off next. So instead of riding, I've been working on conditioning a couple of the young horses here. Just taking a little one on one time with the horses each day is good for me.

I've also been trying to locate my journals and my artwork. That hasn't worked out to well though. They're not where I thought they were and that's caused a bit of panic but I know they're here. I just put them somewhere for safe keeping. That "safe keeping" thing is what seems to get me into trouble. Whatever I've tucked away for "safe keeping" always seems to be the hardest to find.

In the meantime, I may end up borrowing some art supplies from my daughter. I've got some stuff rolling around upstairs that would do better on paper. I think working on this kind of stuff will help me keep things under wraps for now.

Thanks everyone for all your encouraging words and emails. It has really helped to know that I have such support here and it means a lot to me.

I apologize for not getting by to anyone's blogs. I just don't seem to be able to get that far in my day but I'll catch up when things settle down. I promise.


Tamara said...

I hope that your strategies really help you. Also, hoping you can find your art supplies soon. I have found that creativity can be so helpful. You remain in my thoughts.

Take care,

Enola said...

Hopefully you will find your art supplies soon. I have the same problem with not being able to find things I store away in a 'safe place'

Kahless said...

I am still thinking of you.


jumpinginpuddles said...

we hope you find the diaries and each day continue to find answers

Lynn said...

I understand your caution with the horses. I was also made vulnerable through the things that soothed me. It was very difficult for me, but I like your strategies.

keepers said...

don't worry about visiting blogs right now, just do what you need to do to protect all your parts and keep them safe. that is most important right now and if you need us we are here.

peace and blessings