Monday, June 2, 2008

Bad Things Happen......Don't They?

When I did that post Arabian Horses as Healers on my other blog . One of the commentors stated it is at times like these that I wonder how much pain and suffering one person can bear in their lifetime..............My troubles pale in comparison This coming for a woman with chronic depression, probably PSTD and a life I'm glad I didn't have to lead.

Her response reminds me of the other things I have heard from survivors. The belief that bad things happen to us because we deserve it message that can play so loudly in our heads. I used to buy into that nonsense probably because I was told it was true. If I was punished it was MY fault, so if life felt like God was punishing me, it must be my fault as well. I must have done something to deserve it.

Well, I'm just not buying that anymore. I know that all of those things didn't happen to me because I was bad. No two year old deserves what happened to me. If it's not true in that situation then the logic that bad things happen to me because I deserve it just doesn't hold water anymore.

I'm no different than that two year old I used to be. I still want to be a good person. That has never changed. I may be smarter and more experienced but I was never motivated in my life by getting even or getting ahead at the expense of another. I've just been trying to fit in and be accepted.

As I've finally come to the place where I can accept myself, flaws and all, I know that God doesn't punish us by throwing bad things at us. He lets us do that to ourselves. Some of the things that have happened in my life have been avoidable if I'd only had the skills. Other things just happened because that is part of life.

It's not my fault I was abused as a child.It's not my fault that my child got brain cancer. It's not my fault that I have two grandsons with autism spectrum disorder. It's not my fault just because something bad happens. Bad things really do happen to good people. That's been an important lesson to learn.


Clueless said...

Excellent oh wise one you are.

Rising Rainbow said...

Clueless, I'm not sure about how wise I am but I was sure glad to finally get this one figured out. Holding myself responsible for things I had no control of was very destructive.

Kahless said...

I agree RR.

Anonymous said...

As a survivor of childhood abuse and mpd. I just want to say that yes life is sometime a real struggle. I'm fortunate, I survived the abuse, god led me to a great counselor and I was integrated. Coming from such a disfunctional family leaves me open to all sorts of emotional problems. But we just have to keep trying to get healthier. It's not easy, but it's better than it once was. Now suicide is an occasional thought, instead of a constant. I just wish I could help and encourage others who struggle...but we can't talk about it...nobody beleives we even have a "real" problem. We're "nuts" or they are afraid of us. Oh well, life goes on and we must too.

"DJ" said...

Here's a well-known prayer that I often remember when "life" gets me down. It happens to all of us, from time to time. :)

Serenity Prayer
"God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdome to know the difference."

Rising Rainbow said...

kahless, thanks for the support. It's appreciated

anonymous, I'm sorry that you're not believed. That's really the pits.

dj, I'm a firm advocate of the serenity prayer. I think I've even posted it here a few times. lol However, I think it never hurts to remind people that living by its principles can be most helpful.

keepers said...

you are indeed the wise one! this is so darned true!!

peace and blessings


Marj aka Thriver said...

Both are great posts! Yep, I'm with you: I'm not buying that b.s. anymore! I've gotten in the habit lately of really appreciating the good things in my life and saying (sometimes in the mirror to all my parts and me), "We're worth it and we deserve it!" That's what we all deserve--the GOOD stuff!