When I did that post Arabian Horses as Healers on my other blog . One of the commentors stated it is at times like these that I wonder how much pain and suffering one person can bear in their lifetime..............My troubles pale in comparison This coming for a woman with chronic depression, probably PSTD and a life I'm glad I didn't have to lead.
Her response reminds me of the other things I have heard from survivors. The belief that bad things happen to us because we deserve it message that can play so loudly in our heads. I used to buy into that nonsense probably because I was told it was true. If I was punished it was MY fault, so if life felt like God was punishing me, it must be my fault as well. I must have done something to deserve it.
Well, I'm just not buying that anymore. I know that all of those things didn't happen to me because I was bad. No two year old deserves what happened to me. If it's not true in that situation then the logic that bad things happen to me because I deserve it just doesn't hold water anymore.
I'm no different than that two year old I used to be. I still want to be a good person. That has never changed. I may be smarter and more experienced but I was never motivated in my life by getting even or getting ahead at the expense of another. I've just been trying to fit in and be accepted.
As I've finally come to the place where I can accept myself, flaws and all, I know that God doesn't punish us by throwing bad things at us. He lets us do that to ourselves. Some of the things that have happened in my life have been avoidable if I'd only had the skills. Other things just happened because that is part of life.
It's not my fault I was abused as a child.It's not my fault that my child got brain cancer. It's not my fault that I have two grandsons with autism spectrum disorder. It's not my fault just because something bad happens. Bad things really do happen to good people. That's been an important lesson to learn.