Recently Patches did a post about being afraid of Spirituality and it got me to thinking. Spirituality is one of those words like "God" that really turns some people off. Being a survivor of Satanic Ritualistic Abuse like me it makes sense that I would have that fear.
Having been tortured, abused and indoctrinated in the name of lots of faces of the spiritual realm, it's pretty darn easy to see why I might have a problem with God. Not just God the almighty, but god the word can push my buttons equally as viciously.
I can relive brain washing sessions at the drop of a hat with full technicolor playing in my head complete with all the body memories rolled up into one horrendous package. The parts in my head can scatter in more directions than any mathematician can imagine as they try to not bounce off the triggers flying because I've been set up for a cascading effect that was engineered to end in my destruction.
Luckily I've come to a place that I can put a lid on this stuff and send it back to the hell it belongs in protecting the affected littles from having to experience the torture yet again and the triggering of self destruct messages.
I know through all parts of my being that that "stuff" is not of God, nor is it of me. I don't deserve it and I don't have to experience it anymore. I know that being afraid of God and spirituality is exactly what those messages are all about. They are designed to keep me trapped.
I refuse to buy into that old crap even though many parts of me still can bristle at words like "God" and "spirituality." I no longer have to be caught by the lies that caused that uncomfortableness in me. I can pursue peace and know that I deserve it.
Now, I have parts that can do "God" just fine. They can even tell you about God and how spirituality has affected this protection in me. None go to church, nor do any feel the need but ALL want to be what we understand spirituality entails.
That's because we've come to our own understanding of what spirituality really is. Despite definitions of spirituality on the web that include references to religions or church, we have come to an acceptance that spirituality for us includes a person’s sense of peace, purpose, connection to others and beliefs.
For us that means many things. We strive to be honest. We don't want to do hurtful things to anyone. We live by the golden rule. We want to be fair even to those who don't deserve it. We think that getting even is a waste of time. We believe that we need to honor all living things. The list goes on and on. What is important is that we live in a way that is consistent with what is in our heart. That's what we think true spirituality is about.