Sunday, May 4, 2008

Comtemplations

As I was out in the stall with the newborn foal last night, I got a call from someone who reads this blog sometimes. I have a live webcam on that stall where the mare had her baby.

It's funny how you can do something like post a blog here on the internet or even put up a live webcam and yet forget that the whole world now has access to your life and whatever is visible on the web.That phone call kind of shocked me back into reality for a moment.

It's not just my safety that I think about. Being a horse breeder with a website for my farm, it's pretty easy to locate where I live and my phone number. They call it advertising but in today's world it can mean other things. I know I need to be careful.

But the webcam is easier to forget about. It's up there out of sight in the rafters of my barn. Once I first sign on, I leave my computer running all the time. I don't really have to think about the fact it's there the rest of the time. I don't even think about who might be watching me when I'm out there. I used to in the beginning which was two years ago. Funny how time has changed that.

What does this have to do with my psyche blog? Well a couple of things came to mind when I got that call. Maybe it's only one thing and they are related but I thought about what people on the other end of that webcam might think.

I thought that in the past I would have been too afraid that someone might thing I didn't do something right, to expose myself like that. I thought that I had on clothes that don't match and an ugly stocking cap to keep me warm because warm is more important than being a fashion statement. I thought about how I used to be such a perfectionist that my life was consumed by my anal need . There was no room for me to follow my dream, I had no energy left.

I thought about how far I've come since those days. I thought about how it's more important for me to pursue my dreams than it is to care what others say. Many people think owning horses is dumb and I could care less. What I know is that horses are good for me. They give me a reason to live. They bring joy into my life like I have never experienced before. Horses make me whole.

I thought about sharing that with you here. Take a look at my new baby. Even if you don't like horses, try to look at her as the joy she means to me. Then think about what dream you might have that can do that for you and chase after it as passionately as you can.

I thought about how this webcam may give up some of my privacy but it is really a gift. It helps me have extra eyes when I need them and it shares the gift that horses are to me with the entire world. I'm not going to worry about my privacy or anyone who might think I look like an old broad with no taste. Because I don't care about those people anymore. If they can't see what a gift horses are to me....and I am to them..........that's their problem. I'm good with this life of mine.

I thought about some of my internet friends who are still searching for this place I have found. I thought that maybe giving them a glimpse of my world might help them find a similar gift of their own. I thought about if I could give you anything at all.........this is what it would be. The peace that comes with finally taking the risk to follow your dream.

14 comments:

Lynn said...

Thank you for sharing that, RR. Beautiful. :-)

Enola said...

Ooh What an adorable sight!

Frazzled Farm Wife said...

Sounds to me like you have it more together than most of the world! Good for you!

Kahless said...

How did you find your dream?
Did you always know that is what you wanted to do?

Rising Rainbow said...

lynn, thanks, I'm glad you appreciated it.

enola, she is pretty darn cute, isn't she!

frazzled farm wife, I don't now about together but I know I'm on the right track. lol

kahless, I had no clue for the longest time. It was buried away because of the ridicule I received as a child.

I might even do a post on what I think about that process but I can tell you that listening and honoring your inner child is key. She will never reveal her secrets (and that dream is one of them) if you don't make it safe for her.

keepers said...

your words "I thought about how it's more important for me to pursue my dreams than it is to care what others say." are wonderful words. it is what we are doing also with our site, we all need to find what makes us whole and run with it! congratulations!!

peace and blessings

keepers

lovelee said...

Very powerful blog MiKael. Thank you for that

jumpinginpuddles said...

we cant see it but im sure its cute for a horse :P:P:P And live web cam is brave it must be brave week for so many blogs we ahve read this weke are from brave people stepping out how encouraging

"DJ" said...

Very well said, MiKael! I applaud your courage and strength. You have grown as a person in this dream, even with the hardships it has brought. But I'm sure the joy it brings has outweighed the negative many times over. I really enjoy your writings. You're an inspiration to many.

God bless!

April_optimist said...

Computer glitch and I'm not sure if my comment posted. So let me try again...

I'm smiling at how far you've come. Beautiful post.

Lily Strange said...

I love horses. I've never been in a situation where I could have one, but they are beautiful creatures.
I have also become more cautious about putting my information out there. When I first started blogging, I put my real name on my profile. After this one particularly creepy stalker type kept contacting me, I hid all my blogs and do not use my real name any more on the personal blogs. My real name is on a few of my business web pages, but not on any of my profiles. I only tell my real name or location confidentially to people I have really come to trust.

Rising Rainbow said...

keepers, you are right. If we could find that one thing that is important to us, it mends all those old wounds.

lovelee, you are welcome........not to mention I know you get the horsey part. lol

jip, sorry you can't see the little monster, she really is quite entertaining when she isn't sleeping.

dj, you're right the joy does outweigh the hard stuff.

april_optimist, it's amazing what's possible if you want it bad enough. I'm smiling too......

lily strange, I didn't know that you liked horses. That's cool.

As for putting myself out there...I guess I wont worry about it until I see that I have to. In the meantime I'm going to figure I'm ok the way it is.

It must have been scary to have a problem though. I feel for you.

Labyrinth said...

Thank you for a great post. It wasn't all that long ago that I was too terrified to let anyone know I'm multiple. I wouldn't even mention it in emails, terrified that somehow "they" would find me.

I'm better about it now or I would even be too afraid to post a comment here. This is my first, though I've been reading your blog for a long time. Thank you for encouraging me.

Rising Rainbow said...

Labyrinth, I'm glad that my blogging has been helpful to you. Thanks for sharing, that's what keeps me going.