Friday, April 11, 2008

More on Rules

Underlying all of this discussion about rules , these old rules are about manipulation. Controlling and Manipulative Behavior In the later part of the post, references withholding information as a form of manipulation. Believing that doing so is for our own best interest is one of those things that couldn't be farther from the truth.

Sure there are times that things might even explode because we have been forthright but it is the long term effect that is important to our mental health. It is like the encounter with my mother I wrote about in More on Confrontations .html That certainly was an explosive situation and depending on which side of it you were on, how it turned out could be viewed differently. But that instance was certainly against all of my inner rules and believe me it was a horrible experience. There was much turmoil in my system and pain in my heart before it was ever resolved. But the resolution was liberating!

We cannot always judge what is best by what happens in the instance. Most times the long term resolution is what really affects our lives and our sanity. Being able to see that is a huge step forward into liberation.

Keeping secrets or not sharing hurts, disappointments or needs etc only stifles our inner child (or children) and sometimes even strangles that child (children). That whole process of withholding information to keep the peace or maintain the status quo is just an illusion. It is dependant upon the reactions of others to be maintained.

Since we have no control over other people, how they feel or how they behave, depending upon someone else for inner peace is just another set-up in the big scheme of keeping us under the thumb of our oppressors. We might fool ourselves into thinking we have control but in actuality we have abdicated it to those around us. There will never be peace in that.


Vi said...

*waving madly*


Sorry I haven't been around for awhile, been absolutely hectic. Hopefully I can catch up properly soon!


Kahless said...

I abdicate to those around me. Sometimes it is just because I dont know my own mind (what I want.)

Oh, btw, some of my rules are around loyalty to family, duty to family and honoring my mother and father. But then again that is one of the ten commandments.

Patches said...

I am glad that kahless mentions the ten commandments. I get very confused with them as they relate to rules. It feels like we have to honor them, and yet if a parent was abusive should we still honor them?

Rising Rainbow said...

Hi, Vi!

kahless, I think it's about time I do a post on the honor thy father and mother part of the ten commandments. I know it's confusing to lots of victims.

patches, that commandment is confusing and I think I'll do a post to say where I stand on this issue and how I came to it. Hopefully that will give others something to think about.

Cheesemeister said...

Sorry, but I don't see any need to tell my family members that I struggle with cutting, hypersexuality that sometimes draws me to things like bondage porn or that I think about suicide most days. Or even that I know my uncle molested me. It would only open a Pandora's box that would make my life more of a living hell. If that makes me a manipulator among all the other horrible things I think about myself so be it. I'm already a piece of crap anyway so what is the difference of one more bad thing.

kïrstin said...

this is really insightful. i think anyone who has been under the manipulative control of another can relate to what you are describing here. im inspired to write on this topic myself.