Underlying all of this discussion about rules , these old rules are about manipulation. Controlling and Manipulative Behavior In the later part of the post, references withholding information as a form of manipulation. Believing that doing so is for our own best interest is one of those things that couldn't be farther from the truth.
Sure there are times that things might even explode because we have been forthright but it is the long term effect that is important to our mental health. It is like the encounter with my mother I wrote about in More on Confrontations .html That certainly was an explosive situation and depending on which side of it you were on, how it turned out could be viewed differently. But that instance was certainly against all of my inner rules and believe me it was a horrible experience. There was much turmoil in my system and pain in my heart before it was ever resolved. But the resolution was liberating!
We cannot always judge what is best by what happens in the instance. Most times the long term resolution is what really affects our lives and our sanity. Being able to see that is a huge step forward into liberation.
Keeping secrets or not sharing hurts, disappointments or needs etc only stifles our inner child (or children) and sometimes even strangles that child (children). That whole process of withholding information to keep the peace or maintain the status quo is just an illusion. It is dependant upon the reactions of others to be maintained.
Since we have no control over other people, how they feel or how they behave, depending upon someone else for inner peace is just another set-up in the big scheme of keeping us under the thumb of our oppressors. We might fool ourselves into thinking we have control but in actuality we have abdicated it to those around us. There will never be peace in that.