I think because I am multiple, some parts were healing, some were not. So when I did find myself in the depths of the pit, those feelings were just as deep and just as dark BUT they were not just as pervasive. A part or parts of me hung onto that hope like the lifeline it was.
It's really not much different a journey than anyone not multiple battling depression must contend with. The thick walls of the multiple make it harder to convey supportive messages within but the basic struggle is the same.
Anyone dealing with depression has their ups and downs, their good days, their bad days as they trigger off the outside world. Then they must try to remind themselves of the new positive messages.
A multiple may take longer to get themselves back out of that hole depending on the extent of their inner communication. A multiple may have to work through the entire process with each part, depending on how their system functions. But we all must work the same process! Whether over and over in each personality or not, it is all about the process.
I didn't see myself as different from those others in my therapy groups. It was pretty clear from the start that I experienced things pretty intensely but I just didn't allow myself to think I was different. To me, we were all victims and that is what mattered.
To this day, I don't think that intensity had as much to do with me being multiple as it has to do with how passionate I am. The women in my groups didn't seem to see anything that separated me from them, so why should I ? Even when I did start to remember the ritual abuse and the satanism, I didn't let myself feel different from the others.
The details were nothing more than that, details. It didn't matter to me who molested them or raped them or who didn't, what mattered was that they had had that experience and it had hurt them. They felt the same way about me and we all felt the same pain, faced the same challenges.
Some felt my story made it easier for them to deal with theirs. For the first time in my life, I found a group of people where I felt like I belonged.The fact that I didn't allow myself to get caught up in feeling different than the others was probably a big help. Just like not allowing myself to be steam rolled by my denial. I think these things all together is what helped me to work through this depression of mine.
multiple personality disorder MPD dissociative Identity disorder did depression