Tuesday, September 4, 2007

My Family of Origin Part 2

Part 1

Most of my adult life my relationship with all of those people stayed about the same. We got together on holidays like Christmas, Easter, Memorial Day, 4th of July and Labor Day. The last three were always big weekends on the water with a lot of drinking and the ugliness that happens when you put a bunch of drunks together.

When I began therapy for the sexual abuse by my brother, everything within the family began to change. All of a sudden I became the bad guy and everyone rallied around the offenders (my brother and my mother) . I was kicked out of the family. The only exception was the one brother who has always felt close to me. He knew what they were saying about me was lies.

So it's been twenty years since I was kicked out of the family and I have no regrets. I saw three of my siblings when I went to my mother's funeral recently and it quickly reminded me why I stay away from them. They are toxic!

Everything they come in contact with reflects their hate. They are angry, manipulative and down right hateful. They are not a family anyone loving and caring would want to have. Just being near them makes me tense and my stomach do flips because I know it's only a matter of time before the ugliness spews forth.

I don't worry anymore about what they might say about me. I know that keeping up appearances is far more important than caring about how someone feels. Each of them is so self absorbed they have no idea that the other is in pain.

To be continued...........


jumpinginpuddles said...

We are deeply sorry your family did this to you but so pleased you stayed with Therapy as well :)

Kahless said...

It takes someone strong and brave to realise the toxicity of family members and sever ties.
Well done.

April_optimist said...

We get to choose the people we surround ourselves with as adults. Sometimes that doesn't include our families of origin. I didn't see my parents for the last fourteen years or so before they died because they were so toxic. I avoid my brothers too for the same reason. The good thing is that we get to heal and work to create the lives we want to have. They are likely to stay stuck in their negative patterns for the rest of their lives.

keepers said...

we had to check and see if we had written this somewhere else. that is how close it is to what we have lived through, except we did not go to our mothers funeral, because of the brother and sister we did not want to be around, and aunts and uncles too!

way too close! peace and blessings


Frazzled Farm Wife said...

What a life you have lived! It is so hard to stay away from family even tho they are toxic. It doesn't mean you still can't forgive them or love them even if you can't be around them!