Friday, September 14, 2007

More on Liberation - More than Just a Word - A Lifestyle Change

As I think about my last post, the thought occurs to me that some might think I would do absolutely anything to keep my horses. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Even though I love horses and want them in my life, I would never sacrifice my mental health or my safety for them.

My husband, Dave, who is quite the raving co-dependant, would be the first to tell you that I do not tolerate his issues. I am calling him on his manipulative behavior all the time. I refuse to get sucked into his games. He knows I would leave him in a heartbeat if my serenity was at risk from living with him. Even if it meant I must give up all of my horses, I would be out of here. I will never go back to that deep dark pit of depression that was once the mainstay of my life. The joy of owning and loving horses could easily be sucked dry by the throws of depression.

Granted walking off and leaving all of my horses would be a difficult thing to do. But I know ful well that the well being of my horses depends on my well being. If I am caught in that black hole there is no way I can care for them porperly. First and foremost, I must take proper care of myself if I am ever to take proper care of anyone or anything else.

I have found through my experiences that conctrolling, abusive people are experts at taking what you love and using it against you. They know that your sense of responsibility and commitment are powerful ways to keep you trapped. What better way to keep a victim under their thumb but to provide them with what they want most in life, only to jerk it around and use it like a weapon to keep you under their thumb.

When a victim departs from an abusive relationship, particularly when it comes to animals, it is easy to see what the problems for those animals might be if they were left behind . However, the offenders involved in such scenarios have been using those animals for years to sucker people in and control them. You can bet the animals are a necessary part of the trap laid by such an individual and the situation will be managed.

Even if the victim is convinced that something bad will happen to animals left behind there are ways to deal with that and still be free. No victim should stay in an abusive relationship because they fear for the safety or care of animals they have grown to love. Again, I will repeat, you must take proper care of yourself it you are ever to take proper care of anyone or anything else.

I know if I were to leave this relationship that I am in and all of my horses, ii would only be a matter of time before I would have horses again. I will never let myself be controlled because of my love for them. I know to do so is self-destructive and I no longer wish to participate in that kind of behavior. I would willingly walk away knowing that doing so would be what guaranteed that I could love and enjoy horses instead of being a slave to a manipulative, controlling offender who uses horses as a weapon against me.

1 comment:

keepers said...

you are so correct in saying how abusive people use things you are attached to to continue their abuse. it can be done with affection or even children, our daughter used her children, our grand kids to get us to do things, or she would take them away, which she eventually did anyway! Abusers come in all shapes and sizes and use lots of things and people to do what they do. To help ourselves we have to be brave and still walk away.

peace and blessings