Thursday, September 13, 2007

Liberation More than Just a Word - A Lifestyle Change

I was reminded in the comments yesterday that I have liberated myself. I guess when I think of the word, liberation, I automatically think of women's liberation. I don't really think of it in regards to my life. But since the term was used in regards to me, I've begun to think of how the word applies to me.

After yesterday's post where I addressed pathological jealousy and how abusive and destructive it can be, I could probably write at least a hundred more posts of the different aspects of abuse that I have lived with and subsequently learned to tolerate in my life.

Therapy was the means by which I learned to identify the things that set me up to be a victim to all of those abusive behaviors. Once I learned to stop the behaviors that made me vulnerable, I was indeed liberated from the continual abuse that was a mainstay in my life.

The most obvious thing I can remember about the process was learning that I was not helpless. I had been so bullied into "you can't" that I believed it. I felt trapped, cornered, stuck, however you want to phrase it. I could see no way out, even though there were ways to get free. I was convinced that I had no choices. That is what made me a victim on into my adult life.....being unable to see I had choices.

Sure, many of the choices available to me were difficult and some were downright unpleasant but they were still choices. Once I learned to seek out the choices available to me, I was finally able to find my way to my liberation from a lifetime of victimization.

I hear all the time from people I care about, "I can't." I know it probably drives them crazy when I remind them that they can, followed by a string of choices that they have. Usually, their comeback will be a list of why they couldn't possibly chose any of those things. So I remind them it's not that they "can't", it's that they "won't."

Being able to see that their refusal to do something is still a choice can empower someone from that feeling of helplessness to actually having a sense of control over one's own life. I know it was for me. I learned that life didn't have to be something that happened to me but something I lived!

On my other blog, people are always commenting about how things happen to me, dramatic things. I laugh because I know the reason that so much happens to me is directly related to the risks I take. That is NOT a bad thing! What it means is that I'm living my life to the fullest instead of hiding away terrified of what the next day will bring. I am not afraid to try something because it might not work or may be difficult. On the contrary, I embrace the challenge because that is what makes me strong!

Sure stuff happens from time to time because that is part of life. Statistics tell the more often you drive, the more likely you are to be in an accident. Well, the same is true of life. The more passionately you live it, the odds are sooner or later stuff is gonna happen along the way. You'll never fall off of a mountain if you never learn to climb! BUT you'll never feel the exhiliration that comes from conquering one of Mother Nature's greatest challenges if you don't try.

Those people, including me, who live life to the fullest would never give up the joy that life brings because of the fear something bad might happen. For example, I know that I'm probably going to outlive most of my horses and that my heart will break over the loss of each and every one of them. The only way to protect my heart would be to give them up. That is something I just will not do. Living my dream cannot be dampered by the fear of their loss someday. The pursuit of this dream is what makes my life worth living and that IS my liberation.


Frazzled Farm Wife said...

It's all about choices..

I admire your attitude!

Molly said...

Saying that you will likely outlive your horses made me contemplate that fate. I know when I bought my filly I certainly acknowledged the possibility of her outliving me. But it just isn't "living" to not enjoy the companionship for fear of a broken heart or a pet outliving you. Either way, we hope to be well prepared.