Sunday, August 12, 2007

So What Did Ritualistic Abuse Mean to Me, a Victim? Part 2

I began this post, So What Did Ritualistic Abuse Mean to Me, a Victim? yesterday but had written it the day before, something I do often. I checked it all over before I posted it, and did the necessary corrections. Fixed the dangling participles and made sure it all made sense because, you see, that is my job.

I'm one of a group. I don't have a name, don't need one because my job is to write for the voices within. I don't care who's talking because it really doesn't matter to me or to us. I just write what I hear in a manner that others outside can understand while still keeping the content true to everyone inside.

Normally, I don't identify myself because there's just no need. But with yesterday's post, I struggled with the title. To me, the title didn't fit the writing. That's important to me because it's my job! So I wanted to fix it but couldn't. From within I was told it was the correct title so I posted it like it was because that is my job too, to be true to the voices within.

Normally, I might take the time to figure out how it ties in so I could "do it right". I didn't. I (well, we) are at a horse show this weekend and frankly we needed some sleep. I believed that it would all come together like it's supposed to. It always does. So we headed to bed thinking sleep was the priority.

Well, we couldn't sleep. For whatever reason, we tossed and we turned as someones pulse raced for what seemed like hours. When we did fall asleep but it was only for a couple of hours. We awoke like we'd had a power nap and the body was WIDE awake! Running through our head was this darn post and parts of what it means.

Still wanting to sleep, knowing it's going to be an even longer day at the horse show, the post rolled around in my head. The answers or part of the answer about this darn post trickling into my consciousness demanding to be heard. Still others are demanding sleep.

This is NOT my normal occurrence. I rarely have trouble with sleep anymore that is related to having MPD but tonight is definitely a minor disagreement from a normally smooth functioning co-operative. BUT it was a group decision that ALL agree with to get up and do this darn post.

It was also a group decision to explain about our tussle over sleep so that people outside, multiples and non-multiples, might understand how things are for us. We're OK even when we disagree.

To be continued ........


austin said...

We have a writer too. He/she just signs things as -us-. There is no gender and his/her only job is to write for us when we can't for ourselves. We also have a secretarial type who is different from -us-. The jobs we have are split up according to skill level. -us- is more of a scribe while our secretary has a professional level about her that would make any office worker proud. It's comforting to know others have similar ways of functioning. (When there's a disagreement inside it doesn't mean chaos for us either. We're a rather cooperative group. We are far from perfect but our level of cooperation is pretty darn good.)

until again,

jumpinginpuddles said...

ok we want to know hopw you go to the point where you are now, like you said rarely does having mpd annoy your lseep anymore how the did you get to that point?